glad mate, i can relate to some of the posts and that made in this thread, i am as you may or not know in a sticky patch and have been for a little while, i was reading an article the other day and it's changing the way that i too think, or least i'm trying, i have read it back a few times and that like...but it's kinda making sense....
First of all, write down two things from the past that you have remembered with guilt or shame or regret or fear or anger or unforgiveness -- two things from the past that when you think about those things you feel some negative emotion. Then rate how strongly you feel those negative emotions, on a scale from 0 to 10 with 10 as the strongest.
Then do the same thing with the future. Write down two things that you worry about, are afraid of, are angry about because you believe it’s going to happen, anything negative that you imagine happening in the future. Write down the number one negative feeling related to that and rate from 0 to 10 how much you feel that emotion when you think about that possibility.
Here's the truth about those things. According to experts, well over 90% of the things we worry about in the future never happen, at least not the way we have imagined them. So, on the two things you wrote down about the future, write down under those things, "There is a better than 90% chance that this will never happen, especially not in the way I'm afraid of it happening."
Then go to the two things you wrote down about the past. Write under those, "I survived anyway." "I survived these two things." Here’s the point. All the negative things from the past that bother us, we survived those things or we wouldn't be here. Now I'm not saying they didn't have a detrimental affect on you. But you survived that. Having survived, what is the healthiest thing you can do with those things from the past, even if they did deeply hurt you and you still have scars or are paying the price today for some of those things? Is it healthy to go back to the past and relive that over and over and over and over and over? Another words, wallow in it like a pig wallows in the mud? No, it makes it worse.
Instead of wallowing in your memory, focus on that statement, "I survived" and then add, "Now I'm going to do the best thing I can to heal those places in me."
You should never go to the past to relive a negative experience. If you go to the past, go there to be grateful you survived, or to learn something from it, or to fix it. Three reasons: be grateful, learn something, or fix it -- never to wallow.
Instead of wallowing in your memory, focus on that statement, "I survived" and then add, "Now I'm going to do the best thing I can to heal those places in me."
You should never go to the past to relive a negative experience. If you go to the past, go there to be grateful you survived, or to learn something from it, or to fix it. Three reasons: be grateful, learn something, or fix it -- never to wallow.
So you survived the past, and there's a 90% chance that what you're worried about won't happen. Even if the future does hold some negative things, because you survived the worst things that happened to you in the past, you can be confident you're going to survive those things happening in the future.
Then what is the best thing you can do right now? It's to get your eyes off the past, get your eyes off the future, and focus on the present in truth and love. Write down the thoughts and feelings and beliefs and activities that when I focus on these things I experience joy and peace.
You may say, "But wait a minute. I have some things in my life right now that I have to deal with. The taxes have to be done by April 15" or "I've got this health issue that I have to go to the doctor about." That's fine, but focus on the real concrete steps you can take to stay in control in that situation, rather than the possible negatives that might happen. Focus on how you can stay conscious in the present, acting out of truth and love in your circumstances and with other people.
Okay, maybe I've got to go to the doctor. What feelings can I focus on that cause me to feel joy and peace? Well, I can think about things turning out well instead of turning out badly. I can think that I'm putting this in God's hands and he has the ability to do what I can't do. So I put it in his hands and say his will be done. I think about what I can learn going through this experience to help me be a better husband, a better father, a better friend. Find the truth and love in the same event that you're choosing the fear and anger and sadness and unforgiveness and wrong identity. Find the truth and love in that same issue and focus on that.
You will probably feel an immediate change in your feelings about this circumstance. And long term, as you keep doing this, it will be absolutely transforming. Changes will occur emotionally and physically as you shift out of stress mode into peace mode and your immune system starts to strengthen and heal things. Then that will manifest to your external life and you'll start seeing your circumstances and relationships change as you deal with them in truth and love instead of fear, anger, and sadness. You're going to see a shift in your life toward joy and peace.
For some of you it will be like flipping a switch immediately. For others it will take a little bit of time because you are so immersed in the negative. You are so immersed in the past and the future in a negative way. You will need to train yourself to focus in truth and love on the present. Any new skill takes practice. And when you learn how, the result is joy and peace.
One analogy and then I'm done. Using a television analogy, your feelings respond based on whatever you're watching. Whatever channel you're on, whatever show is on -- and in our internal life, that's the images of our heart and the images that we’re consciously choosing to focus on -- you're going to feel emotions stimulated by whatever the show is that you're watching. Change the channel. Find the channel that is the present, not the past, not the future. Focus on acting in truth and love, not in selfishness and fear.
Do that and it will change your life.
