Guess what happened to me last night..?

[Munkey]

Just curious but have you been feeling the need to sniff your own arse recently? When you took your dump did you squat at a low angle like a canine?

I hear dog flu is doing the rounds witchy, you better check the NHS website or you'll end up barking mad.

 

[fireblade]

well when you got to go you got to go lool




"uk-wales"

 

[thebigyin]

there is some personal things you need to keep to your self lol nearly sh*t your self then pissed your self you would give a allky a good run for there money lol

 

[earwig999]

Did you bag it and bin it? Those owners who let their dogs crap then walk off really piss me off

 

[MFCGMFC]

What about the dogs who let their owners shit then don't pick it up!!

Cheers
MFCGAVMFC

 

[v14]

Walking the dog my arse.

You were out looking for a bit of strange

 

[K]

Walking the dog my arse.

You were out looking for a bit of strange

Suppose there is that idea, I bet the local rent boys couldnt even handle him in that state..

 

[v14]

Suppose there is that idea, I bet the local rent boys couldnt even handle him in that state..

Where there's greenery there's Queenery.


Sorry I stole that from Eastenders.

 

[witchy]

Did you bag it and bin it?

Would you?

I never let my Dog poo anywhere public.

I'm a different matter altogether though

 

[Tech Babe]

well i never, i have been desperate for a piss before and envied the dog's who do it in public. Now that you have used the dog's toilet are you going to train the dog to use your toilet then there will be no more embarrassing moments if you need to take the dog for a shit....

Them incontenence pads for the elderly that look like large nappies are number 9's i think, ask your incontenence advisor at your GP practice for some just incase you ever feel need in future

 

[Falkirk_Bairn]

I've been fined £60 for pissing in the street and you do a shit and get off with nothing more than a bit of embaressment from the wife and an internet forum, something not right there!

Got to laugh though!

 

[Dazza]

i reckon most blokes can relate to this .

Lol. Apparently not! I can though, I was doing my Ten Tors training years ago, and was about 3 or 4 miles from away from school when the urge took me. I was with a small group of mates, who thought I was just arsing around, but when I suddenly stopped and walked into a field and ducked down behind the hedge they realised I being serious. I did the deed, used a few leaves from the hedge, and left the area as fast as I could! I left my mates behind, and was first one back in the school and out the showers before the others arrived back. Thank feck mobiles phones weren't about back in them days, it would have been on Youtube before I'd got back to school...! Lol

Happy days. :Hit:

 

[XDbox2]

I was going to write this last night but I was too embarrassed.

LOL Absolutely top class mate

 

[jamesyboyjim]

I was going to write this last night but I was too embarrassed.

Last night, me and Wifey took Sam (Dog) out for a walk.

We have a Country Park just a stone throw away from us so that's our normal route. We had just gotten to the edge of the park and I had a feeling in my gut as if a large balloon was expanding and pressing down into my colon.

I needed a shit, and I needed it badly.

I broke into a cold sweat and I knew it had to come then and there. I jumped behind a small bush and dropped my jeans.

"TOILET PAPER" I thought, "****, NO TOILET PAPER!"

I then grabbed the seam of my boxers and started tearing them to pieces, after one or two desperate yanks I tore them from my crotch, sat down and the motherload shot from my arse.

Ahhh, the relief, superb. Cold sweat dissapated everything was good.

Then reality hit me. I was 10 feet away from a busy road, hiding behind a baldy winter bush which provided **** all cover. I was crouched down with a pile of shite under my bum.

I was mortified, I hurriedly wiped my bum with the boxers and threw them away.

As I was walking away I realised that I had pissed into the crotch of my jeans.

The crotch and both legs were saturated in piss and much darker than the dry parts.

In the meantime the Wife had ran away laughing her head off, she actually threw up as she was laughing so hard.

I hate Dogs.

hahaha gotta be post of the year!

at least you acturally got your kegs down

I shat myself before leaving for work once, my matew who lives 5 mins a way used to give a lift in the mornings, one morning he was leaning across and fiddling with his car cd player so i stuck my arse through to fart in his face (as you do) to my horror i shat myself apon pushing what i thought was a fart. i didnt even realise i had done it until i sat down and realised how wet my arse was. you try explaing that one to your boss when they ask why are you late for work LOL

 

[Penners]

Sam is a boy.


I'm going to go back and get my pants tomorrow, a few stitches and wash and they'll be almost as good as new.

Erm you'll have to be quick I saw Karim running away with them stuck to his nose

 

[NL7]

wtf! is this thread for real 'w'? lmao

 

[kinel]

LoL Hope your wife had'nt sown your name in the undies.