Guess what happened to me last night..?

[witchy]

I was going to write this last night but I was too embarrassed.

Last night, me and Wifey took Sam (Dog) out for a walk.

We have a Country Park just a stone throw away from us so that's our normal route. We had just gotten to the edge of the park and I had a feeling in my gut as if a large balloon was expanding and pressing down into my colon.

I needed a shit, and I needed it badly.

I broke into a cold sweat and I knew it had to come then and there. I jumped behind a small bush and dropped my jeans.

"TOILET PAPER" I thought, "****, NO TOILET PAPER!"

I then grabbed the seam of my boxers and started tearing them to pieces, after one or two desperate yanks I tore them from my crotch, sat down and the motherload shot from my arse.

Ahhh, the relief, superb. Cold sweat dissapated everything was good.

Then reality hit me. I was 10 feet away from a busy road, hiding behind a baldy winter bush which provided **** all cover. I was crouched down with a pile of shite under my bum.

I was mortified, I hurriedly wiped my bum with the boxers and threw them away.

As I was walking away I realised that I had pissed into the crotch of my jeans.

The crotch and both legs were saturated in piss and much darker than the dry parts.

In the meantime the Wife had ran away laughing her head off, she actually threw up as she was laughing so hard.

I hate Dogs.

 

[Exorcist]

Sam, cool name for a dog. Male or female?

 

[jaffa]

I really don't know what to say to this. Only posting to say how gob smacked I am you posted this.

No wonder your good lady was laughing.

 

[Rodbouy]

Mate every time I go to that park, Im always watching incase I step in dogshite, now am going to be looking incase I step in you shite

 

[witchy]

Sam is a boy.

I'll regret posting it in the morning, I'm sure.

lol

BTW, the walk was abandoned and I went home with my jacket wrapped around my waist and had a good long soak in the bath, then had a shower.

I'm going to go back and get my pants tomorrow, a few stitches and wash and they'll be almost as good as new.

 

[witchy]

Mate every time I go to that park, Im always watching incase I step in dogshite, now am going to be looking incase I step in you shite

Just stay away from the Golf Course that borders Townhead Road

 

[hoppy]

Ave got a wall that needs pebble dashing mate, il pay top price for a sandtex scat smooth finish..
Nearly bust ma sides reading that one Witchy..lol

 

[Jackel]

Witchy i really think you have issues, that need attending sooner rather than later, lol.

 

[Exorcist]

I'm going to go back and get my pants tomorrow, a few stitches and wash and they'll be almost as good as new.

They wont be so bad, the wildlife would have cleaned most of it up for ya, the squirrels would have eat the peanuts and rabbits love sweetcorn.

 

[witchy]

Witchy i really think you have issues, that need attending sooner rather than later, lol.

lol, aye Diarrhea mate, from eating all the goodies that the kids came home with on Halloween.

Actually, it wasn't proper Diarrhea, it was actually shaped like a jobby.

 

[DodgyTech]

holy SHITE, are you for real Witchy?

 

[gegar]

you got to go you got go, excellent post rep added :ASSFLASH:

 

[nozzer]

I reckon its time for a bit of a collection to get Witchy a pack of "Huggies" !

I'm sure there's something similar for the incontinent elderly !

 

[Erazor786]

I reckon its time for a bit of a collection to get Witchy a pack of "Huggies" !

I'm sure there's something similar for the incontinent elderly !

Here is Witchy sporting a piece from his latest collection

 

[dogtoffee]

this reminds me of a little problem i encountered a few years ago , i didnt think i would share it with anyone but fook it here goes ...........

i was drinking cider not my usual tipple me and the mrs had a good night , the next day she was off to work and i was left with our kid , i had a banging head and decided to go to the park .......





the little one played in the park everything was fine until we went back to the car i felt a bubbling in my tummy and it was fooking scaring i had a choice let the bubbling take its work or lets play hide and seek ...


we played hide and seek it gave me enough time to realise what had to go had to go im not a bad dad just had to go

 

[slyboy]

just woke to find this post and i laughed out loud its so funny feel sorry for you W! pmsl

 

[chrispeters]

hahaahha laffin my head off, i reckon most blokes can relate to this .

 

[mozr]

Ban this sick filth!

Reminds me of the time the missus and I had some afternoon delight in a bush.

Just after Mr Pinkleton had arrived at the station, Mozr thought he had done a good job, hearing the panting and salivation emanating from beside him.

Then he felt a small wet paw on his left arse cheek, closely followed by a dog owner.

Ahh, memories...

 

[elkopite]

Then he felt a small wet paw on his left arse cheek, closely followed by a dog owner

so are you saying the dog owner closely followed placing his wet hand on your arse cheek????

what a perv.....

and i always thought it was actually saliva all over the dog in turner and hooch......

 

[K]

one word W, Discusting.. Absolutly Discusting.. I mean you took your pants off in public.. in a wood.. WTF.. The squirrels are out collecting nuts for the winter.... you could of quite easily had yours confused.. people really do need to be careful..

Oh yeah you had a dump behind a bush.. nice one