Depression is not like any other illness it tends to make people pull away from you when you mention it. The only people who truly understand are those who go through it, for some its a constant living hell of loneliness.
Sensible Topic Depression?
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Great respect for you posting this. You have clearly developed coping mechanisms which work for you and your partner. My observation would be, if you are still unable to get out of the house and still suffer with depression and agoraphobia, is it not the illness controlling you rather than you controlling it? There isn't an answer to that, it isn't a criticism. Often people who are dealing with depression, or other problem issues, cannot see a solution because all they see is the problem. Sometimes it is possible to give a different perspective which allows them to see that if they can identify a specific problem, everything else becomes a possible solution. It is similar to climbing a set of stairs - from the bottom all we see are the risers and steps - the obstacles in our way. If we look down from the top of the stairs we can easily see what we need to do to get to the top - we don't see the obstacles.
I hope it comes across that this is not any form of criticism intended! just throwing something out there which may give a different perspective. Something only controls you if you allow it to and if everything is fine as it is, why would you want to change.
hartlepaul
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I think everyone is a little depressed at one point or another, some people just manage to work their own way through it and others don't. I have suffered a liitle myself through bereavement and other pressures, I know I see things differently now. My advice is 'read' get as much information as you can as understanding whats happening is key to finding your own personal way through. One size does not fit all and general advice just doesn't fit this particular bill.
I came across this site today, and thought it may be of help to anyone suffering this illness. It's free, so no harm in trying.
Living Life To The Full
Living Life To The Full
Something else to think about if dealing with a family member/friend. Talking helps, talking about talking doesn't since everyone will tell them that! So, just talk. BUT NOT about the problem, just mostly listen, let THEM talk. It's okay to suggest or explore ideas but it doesn't seem to work if you 'tell'. That's my experience anyway. I listen lots more than I talk 
I maybe didn't explain that very well. Talking doesn't fix depression, it depends on the individual. What I was trying to say was sometimes people suffering from depression need to talk and too many people shy away from talking to them. That could be because they 'have depression', 'scary stuff'.
So okay, I know I can't fix a friend's depression just by talking to her. But, I DO know I can help a little by being there to talk to. I also know if I say summat stupid like 'do you want to talk' then I'll just get 'blanked' so I just start a conversation. After a while, if I'm sensitive enough, they talk.
Obviously, this depends on the person, the problem and so on. Building up the trust part is the hardest and takes a long time.
You are correct, talking is unlikely to 'fix' it. But listening can be very helpful. By listening, you are allowing the sufferer to talk, therefore think about what he/she is going through; the causes, the symptoms- and this very thought process can sometimes throw up answers that were there all all along, just hidden. Often the knowing why can be of great comfort and can go a long way towards easing the symptoms.
But, as you mentioned earlier it is all too easy to get dragged down yourself. A GP friend of mine told me they're trained to 'forget' to a degree what they hear in surgery. Difficult when it's a friend or family member though.
Never do that with a friend/family member
Take time out.
Never do that with a friend/family member
Not so easy when it's the 'other half'.....
True, but to help you have to look after yourself too. Not sure what the GP meant but probably listening and filtering, checking for trigger words and ditching the rest. A patient expects some detachment from a doctor.
What I meant was with a friend/family member you don't want to appear to be not listening.
Even a short time-out like nipping out on an errand can help you put your own thoughts back in order.
killdeer
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I was diagnosed with ME/CFS almost twenty years ago and it's extremely common for someone with this illness to experience depression and anxiety. Unfortunately, I suffer with these symptoms myself and have been on countless antidepressants and still am at present. I find it rather odd that anxiety itself has not been mentioned before in this thread as d and a almost invariably go hand in hand. I often wonder which is the worst of the two.
Much has been said about talking therapy and I've had counselling myself on about 5 different occasions. It can help to get things off your chest but any benefits derived will only be obtained by talking to a 'stranger' as such and not to anyone you know.
I found that far more benefit could be had by undergoing a course of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, CBT, which gets you to think about things in a different way to usual. I have undergone such a course of treatment and whenever I start to feel the signs of a depressive episode coming on, I get out the file of stuff I was given and have a read through. I can honestly say that CBT really has 'worked' for me somewhat and I would urge any sufferer to seek out help, maybe from a GP, to get on such a course of treatment.
Much has been said about talking therapy and I've had counselling myself on about 5 different occasions. It can help to get things off your chest but any benefits derived will only be obtained by talking to a 'stranger' as such and not to anyone you know.
I found that far more benefit could be had by undergoing a course of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, CBT, which gets you to think about things in a different way to usual. I have undergone such a course of treatment and whenever I start to feel the signs of a depressive episode coming on, I get out the file of stuff I was given and have a read through. I can honestly say that CBT really has 'worked' for me somewhat and I would urge any sufferer to seek out help, maybe from a GP, to get on such a course of treatment.
I couldn't agree more. I am a master practitioner in Nuero Linguistic Programming, very similar to CBT. Counselling, it seems to me, almost encourages continuation of the symptoms whereas NLP or CBT will allow the individual to make the necessary reframing of his/her situation, either temporarily or permanently.
Just seems to be on the increase?
Given I'm dealing with this a lot (as a non-professional muppet) members views would be welcome.
Please, no 'snap out of it' comments.
Thanks
them comments pee me off,they think you have an off and on switch.
I had not heard of NLP until now, CBT has been mentioned a lot (my other 1/2 has GAD). Someone also mentioned EMDR to me the other day and although it seems more geared towards helping overcome a specific trauma, it does look as though it too could be helpful in many cases.
I didn't know that but I DO know @Trabbs has been helpful to me in understanding how this stuff works. I'd hate anyone to think I had ANY expertise in this area, I don't.
There is a positive side though, it looks like my friend is coming out the other side. I'd like to think I helped a bit but that's not the important bit is it? Maybe the important bit is if someone gives a shit?
Apologies for my French, it's taken a long time to get this far, years.
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I'm sure to your friend the most important part was that you were prepared to listen, most of the time we are too busy worrying about things of very little consequence. It takes a lot to give up the time to listen and then to keep on listening. Really pleased you could be there for your friend.
edit: it shouldn't actually take a lot, but it does seem to, for many people
bigkevmac7
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my partner had depression. it was really hard for myself and my kids. it involved a lot of arguments and strain on kids. at one point I felt like throwing in the towel. but glad I stayed committed to my partner and my family. now things have got a lot better with counciling sessions and support groups. it can happen to anyone as I have been through it.
I had to post again ...
Only my family who obviously know me well, can verify that i never talk about it.
Firstly,as i said earlier i bottle it up...
Secondly and most important to me above all else is that i firmly believe we only have one life and i'm not going to ruin it for my partner.
I encourage my wife to fit as much into life as she can... thats what makes me feel better..
The only crisis i ever had was when i had an heart attack, i knew the ambulance was coming and i knew they'd want me to go outside.
It took hours to convince me to go to Hospital.
Have to cut this short... teas ready..
Hope i'm not rambling on again lol
