Depression is not like any other illness it tends to make people pull away from you when you mention it. The only people who truly understand are those who go through it, for some its a constant living hell of loneliness.
Great respect for you posting this. You have clearly developed coping mechanisms which work for you and your partner. My observation would be, if you are still unable to get out of the house and still suffer with depression and agoraphobia, is it not the illness controlling you rather than you controlling it? There isn't an answer to that, it isn't a criticism. Often people who are dealing with depression, or other problem issues, cannot see a solution because all they see is the problem. Sometimes it is possible to give a different perspective which allows them to see that if they can identify a specific problem, everything else becomes a possible solution. It is similar to climbing a set of stairs - from the bottom all we see are the risers and steps - the obstacles in our way. If we look down from the top of the stairs we can easily see what we need to do to get to the top - we don't see the obstacles.I'm only going to post in this thread once ... i'm not one for talking about it.
I was 13 when i first 'felt different'...
In 1977 at the age of 15 i walked out of school and have hardly been out of the house since.
I have severe depression and Agoraphobia....
I'm still with the same girl i met when we were both 14.. and have only talked to her about it once.
I deal with it by bottling it up...its worked so far...
Talking doesn't always help, depression is still there
depends how deep the depression is, it will never go away, it sits there and 1 thing can put you right back in it
I maybe didn't explain that very well. Talking doesn't fix depression, it depends on the individual. What I was trying to say was sometimes people suffering from depression need to talk and too many people shy away from talking to them. That could be because they 'have depression', 'scary stuff'.
So okay, I know I can't fix a friend's depression just by talking to her. But, I DO know I can help a little by being there to talk to. I also know if I say summat stupid like 'do you want to talk' then I'll just get 'blanked' so I just start a conversation. After a while, if I'm sensitive enough, they talk.
Obviously, this depends on the person, the problem and so on. Building up the trust part is the hardest and takes a long time.
A GP friend of mine told me they're trained to 'forget' to a degree what they hear in surgery. Difficult when it's a friend or family member though.
Never do that with a friend/family member Take time out.
Not so easy when it's the 'other half'.....
I was diagnosed with ME/CFS almost twenty years ago and it's extremely common for someone with this illness to experience depression and anxiety. Unfortunately, I suffer with these symptoms myself and have been on countless antidepressants and still am at present. I find it rather odd that anxiety itself has not been mentioned before in this thread as d and a almost invariably go hand in hand. I often wonder which is the worst of the two.
Much has been said about talking therapy and I've had counselling myself on about 5 different occasions. It can help to get things off your chest but any benefits derived will only be obtained by talking to a 'stranger' as such and not to anyone you know.
I found that far more benefit could be had by undergoing a course of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, CBT, which gets you to think about things in a different way to usual. I have undergone such a course of treatment and whenever I start to feel the signs of a depressive episode coming on, I get out the file of stuff I was given and have a read through. I can honestly say that CBT really has 'worked' for me somewhat and I would urge any sufferer to seek out help, maybe from a GP, to get on such a course of treatment.
Just seems to be on the increase?
Given I'm dealing with this a lot (as a non-professional muppet) members views would be welcome.
Please, no 'snap out of it' comments.
Thanks
I couldn't agree more. I am a master practitioner in Nuero Linguistic Programming, very similar to CBT. Counselling, it seems to me, almost encourages continuation of the symptoms whereas NLP or CBT will allow the individual to make the necessary reframing of his/her situation, either temporarily or permanently.
I couldn't agree more. I am a master practitioner in Nuero Linguistic Programming, very similar to CBT. Counselling, it seems to me, almost encourages continuation of the symptoms whereas NLP or CBT will allow the individual to make the necessary reframing of his/her situation, either temporarily or permanently.
I'm sure to your friend the most important part was that you were prepared to listen, most of the time we are too busy worrying about things of very little consequence. It takes a lot to give up the time to listen and then to keep on listening. Really pleased you could be there for your friend.it looks like my friend is coming out the other side. I'd like to think I helped a bit but that's not the important bit is it? Maybe the important bit is if someone gives a shit?
my partner had depression. it was really hard for myself and my kids. it involved a lot of arguments and strain on kids. at one point I felt like throwing in the towel. but glad I stayed committed to my partner and my family. now things have got a lot better with counciling sessions and support groups. it can happen to anyone as I have been through it.
I admire your courage to post about this m8, even if is just the once. I am a terrible one for bottling things up, or sweeping under the carpet, but I find eventually the bottle can't take any more and the carpet looks ridiculous with the huge lump under it. (I've always felt 'different' too btw!). Luckily for me, my 'safety valve' allows this built-up pressure to release harmlessly, for others it can be catastrophic, as we have already seen above.
And hats off to your other half too. Although you don't discuss the situation with her, she clearly understands and accepts your predicament to have stood by you for 30+ years. You have one in a million there.
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