heh, we're on page 9 and we've only just got to the CPU cooler!
Good call with the zalman cooler, I've got that same one in my media PC. I run it on it's slowest setting with the supplied fan controller and don't have any cooling issues. I also have to look at the wall behind the PC to see if it's on! (I can see the light from the PSU reflecting on the paint).
Don't worry about how complex it all seems and whether you've made the wrong decision about things. You're looking at the absolute top end of quiet cooling, you can't go wrong. As oneman said, there's barely any difference between 18 and 16db. And in answer to your question, 20db is probably a good guideline figure to aim below. If something is rated 20db or above I'd tend to steer clear for media PC purposes.
Now, have you given any thought to hard drives? :Cry: