• This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn more.



Inactive User
Nov 16, 2004
While I was driving down the M4 the other day, (going a little
faster than I should have been) I passed under a bridge only to see a copper on
the other side with a radar gun laying in wait. The copper pulled me over,
walked up to the car, and with that classic patronising smirk, asked:

"Runway too short?"

To which I replied, "I'm late for work."

To which he asked, "What do you do?"

"I'm a rectum stretcher," I responded.

The copper was surprised and confused. "A what?

A rectum stretcher?? And just what does a rectum stretcher do?"

"Well," I said, "I start by inserting one finger, then I work my
way up to two fingers, then three, then four,

then with my whole hand in, work side to side until I can get both hands in

and then I slowly but surely stretch the hole, until it's about 6 feet."

Then the copper asked questioningly and cautiously, "And just what
do you do with a six-foot arsehole?"

To which I politely replied, "You give him a radar gun and park him
behind a bridge..."

Speeding ticket: £105.00

Court costs: £45

>>Look on copper's face: Priceless.