Dad was stealing

[kev2471]

I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker. But when I got home, all the signs were there.

Instead of "the John," I call my toilet "the Jim." That way it sounds better when I say I go to the Jim first thing every morning.

Q: Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building?
A: Of course. The Empire State Building can't jump.

I was wondering why the ball kept getting bigger and bigger, and then it hit me.

A man got hit in the head with a can of Coke, but he was alright because it was a soft drink.

 

[miggy]

 

[silverdale]

like a excerpt from the latest Ken Dodd DVD

 

[idrob]

thought you were too young to remember him

 

[kev2471]

Laughter is an orgasm triggered by the intercourse of sense and nonsense

 

[miggy]

Laughter is an orgasm triggered by the intercourse of sense and nonsense

Believe me fella that is utter nonsense. I am off for an orgasm now.

 

[kev2471]

Holding on to anger, resentment and hurt only gives you tense muscles, a headache and a sore jaw from clenching your teeth. Forgiveness gives you back the laughter and the lightness in your life.

 

[IANB]

Holding on to anger, resentment and hurt only gives you tense muscles, a headache and a sore jaw from clenching your teeth. Forgiveness gives you back the laughter and the lightness in your life.

only thing that fooks up that theory are your jokes.. They don't make anyone laugh

 

[Abu Baniaz]

Keep them coming @kev2471

 

[kev2471]

so posting for nowt then

 

[Abu Baniaz]

so posting for nowt then

They make some people laugh.

 

[Kryton]

so posting for nowt then

the first 1 was funny...ive already used it elsewhere

 

[miggy]

Keep posting kev don't be bitter jokes are meant for sharing, some we will like, some we don't. But we will never know if you don't post them will we?.

 

[miggy]

Satan appeared before a small town congregation. Everyone started screaming and running for the front church door, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away.
Soon everyone was gone except for an elderly gentleman who sat calmly.
Satan walked up to him and said, "Don't you know who I am?"
The man replied, "Yep, sure do."
Satan asked, "Aren't you going to run?"
"Nope, sure ain't," said the man.
Satan asked, "Why aren't you afraid of me?"
The man replied, "Been married to your sister for over 48 years."

 

[IANB]

so posting for nowt then

Post away mate I'm only pulling your leg

 

[chookey]

Post away mate I'm only pulling your leg

probably can't take a joke roud:

 

[silverdale]

Ken Dodd :-
What a lovely day to pour melted chocolate all over your grandads bald head and say, "Hows that for a treat".

Jackets on I know .....................

 

[miggy]

Post away mate I'm only pulling your leg

Would you like to borrow my shovel fella? It is very well used but it still works perfectly.