BRIAN1956
DW Joke King
Why did God create woman?
-To carry semen from the bedroom to the toilet.
~~~~~~~~~~~
If the dove is the bird of peace, what is the bird of true love?
-The swallow.
~~~~~~~~~~~
How do you annoy your girlfriend during sex?
-Call her.
~~~~~~~~~~~
Why do women fake orgasms?
-Because they think men care.
~~~~~~~~~~~
What is the definition of "making love"
-Something a woman does while a guy is ******* her.
~~~~~~~~~~~
What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
-Slow down and use a lubricant.
~~~~~~~~~~~
How many sexists does it take to change a light bulb?
-None, let the bitch cook in the dark.
~~~~~~~~~~~
What's the difference between pre-menstrual tension and B.S.E?
-One's mad cow disease; the other's an agricultural problem.
~~~~~~~~~~~
Why does the bride always wear white?
-Because it's good for the dishwasher to match the stove and refrigerator.
~~~~~~~~~~~
How many men does it take to open a beer?
-None. It should be opened by the time she brings it in.
~~~~~~~~~~~
If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what have you done wrong?
-Made her chain too long.
~~~~~~~~~~~
What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
-A battery has a positive side.
~~~~~~~~~~~
Why do hunters make the best lovers?
-Because they go deep in the bush, shoot more than once, and they eat what they shoot.
~~~~~~~~~~~
How are fat girls and mopeds alike?
-They're both fun to ride until your friends find out.
~~~~~~~~~~~
What should you give a woman who has everything?
-A man to show her how to work it.
~~~~~~~~~~~
How are tornadoes and marriage alike?
-They both begin with a lot of blowing and sucking, and in the end you lose your house.
~~~~~~~~~~~
Why does a bride smile when she walks up the aisle?
-She knows she's given her last blow job.
~~~~~~~~~~~
What's the difference between a bitch and a whore?
-A whore sleeps with everyone at the party while a bitch sleeps with everyone at the party except you.
~~~~~~~~~~~
What's the difference between your wife and your job?
-After 10 years the job still sucks.
~~~~~~~~~~~
What's the difference between love, true love, and showing off?
-Spitting, swallowing, and gargling.
~~~~~~~~~~~
Why is the space between a women's breasts and her hips called "waist"?
-Because you could easily fit another pair of boobs in there.
~~~~~~~~~~~
Do you know why they call it the Wonder Bra?
-When you take it off, you wonder where her boobs went.
~~~~~~~~~~~
How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good?
-Put a nipple on it.
~~~~~~~~~~~
Why did the woman cross the road?
-What's the bitch doing out of the kitchen in the first place?!
~~~~~~~~~~~
Why are there no female astronauts on the moon?
-'cause it doesn't need cleaning yet.
~~~~~~~~~~~
How is a woman like a condom?
-Both of them spend more time in your wallet than on your dick.
~~~~~~~~~~~
Yes, I do take the death threats seriously :handball:
-To carry semen from the bedroom to the toilet.
~~~~~~~~~~~
If the dove is the bird of peace, what is the bird of true love?
-The swallow.
~~~~~~~~~~~
How do you annoy your girlfriend during sex?
-Call her.
~~~~~~~~~~~
Why do women fake orgasms?
-Because they think men care.
~~~~~~~~~~~
What is the definition of "making love"
-Something a woman does while a guy is ******* her.
~~~~~~~~~~~
What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
-Slow down and use a lubricant.
~~~~~~~~~~~
How many sexists does it take to change a light bulb?
-None, let the bitch cook in the dark.
~~~~~~~~~~~
What's the difference between pre-menstrual tension and B.S.E?
-One's mad cow disease; the other's an agricultural problem.
~~~~~~~~~~~
Why does the bride always wear white?
-Because it's good for the dishwasher to match the stove and refrigerator.
~~~~~~~~~~~
How many men does it take to open a beer?
-None. It should be opened by the time she brings it in.
~~~~~~~~~~~
If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what have you done wrong?
-Made her chain too long.
~~~~~~~~~~~
What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
-A battery has a positive side.
~~~~~~~~~~~
Why do hunters make the best lovers?
-Because they go deep in the bush, shoot more than once, and they eat what they shoot.
~~~~~~~~~~~
How are fat girls and mopeds alike?
-They're both fun to ride until your friends find out.
~~~~~~~~~~~
What should you give a woman who has everything?
-A man to show her how to work it.
~~~~~~~~~~~
How are tornadoes and marriage alike?
-They both begin with a lot of blowing and sucking, and in the end you lose your house.
~~~~~~~~~~~
Why does a bride smile when she walks up the aisle?
-She knows she's given her last blow job.
~~~~~~~~~~~
What's the difference between a bitch and a whore?
-A whore sleeps with everyone at the party while a bitch sleeps with everyone at the party except you.
~~~~~~~~~~~
What's the difference between your wife and your job?
-After 10 years the job still sucks.
~~~~~~~~~~~
What's the difference between love, true love, and showing off?
-Spitting, swallowing, and gargling.
~~~~~~~~~~~
Why is the space between a women's breasts and her hips called "waist"?
-Because you could easily fit another pair of boobs in there.
~~~~~~~~~~~
Do you know why they call it the Wonder Bra?
-When you take it off, you wonder where her boobs went.
~~~~~~~~~~~
How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good?
-Put a nipple on it.
~~~~~~~~~~~
Why did the woman cross the road?
-What's the bitch doing out of the kitchen in the first place?!
~~~~~~~~~~~
Why are there no female astronauts on the moon?
-'cause it doesn't need cleaning yet.
~~~~~~~~~~~
How is a woman like a condom?
-Both of them spend more time in your wallet than on your dick.
~~~~~~~~~~~
Yes, I do take the death threats seriously :handball:
