*** Top Tips Section ***

[buckthehero]

fat birds....remember to paint your toe nails before you go out on the town. if you dont, someone might realise that you are fat

 

[buckthehero]

closet gay couples ( this ones for monks ). buy a pair of dark shades and a white walking stick. by pretending one of you is blind you may walk around hand in hand without anyone knowing your secret

 

[buckthehero]

rich mums with one kid and a 4*4 vehicle with huge bull bars.

1. learn how to drive or get a smaller car because you can never park the thing unless you hit 2 other cars or take up 3 parking spaces.

2. find a supermarket that has rhinos grazing in the swamp used as a car park so you can actually use the vehicle for what it intended. ( in fact dont do that cos you probably wouldnt be able to work out how to put it in 4 wheel drive and every ferkin brakedown person will be living in above supermarket,

 

[wasnotwasD]

you're on a roll m8 :Hit:

go get some more booze lol

 

[buckthehero]

empty pot pouri bags make excellent 'sacks' for sack races for your hamster

 

[buckthehero]

pretend youve reached the eliminator stage on gladiators by running the wrong way up an escaltor in your local department store

 

[buckthehero]

a cocktail stick, marble and key ring make ideal shotput, javelin and hammer for the hamster decathlon

 

[buckthehero]

give your house that city centre car park feel by placing p'p and 'no spaces' signs on your front door and letting in the local tramp to pi55 on your stairs.

 

[buckthehero]

MAN UNITED FANS.............. dont waste money on yet another replica team strip. simply strap a large plastic penis to your head then everyone will know who you support.

 

[buckthehero]

half a tennis table ball with an elastic band makes an ideal crash helmet for your hamster whilst on his exercise wheel

 

[buckthehero]

increase blind peoples electricity bills by switching on all their lights when the guide dog isnt looking

 

[buckthehero]

maggots make ideal sausages for hamsters. use a milk bottle top as the frying pan and a cigarette lighter as the hob.

 

[buckthehero]

a drinking straw makes an ideal 'pole' in the hamster pole vaulting event.

 

[buckthehero]

or a drinking straw cut up into lengths makes about 6 batons for the round the cage relay race.

 

[damage]

A length of plastic drainpipe with a roller skate at each end makes an
ideal "car" for snakes.

 

[damage]

Minor skin grafts can be performed on pigs by covering any cuts and
grazes with thin strips of bacon.

 

[damage]

Don't waste money buying expensive binoculars. Simply stand closer to
the object you wish to view.

 

[damage]

Pass off as Welsh by putting coal dust behind your fingernails and
talking gibberish all the time, stopping occasionally to sing loudly

 

[damage]

Don't buy expensive "ribbed" condoms, just buy an ordinary one and
slip a handful of frozen peas inside it before you put it on

 

[damage]

Always fart into the rings on top of your gas cooker. This will turn
back the gas meter, and save you pounds over a period of time