This afternoon Richard Keys gave his first interview since the start of the Sky Sports sexism row. In an astonishing hour or so of radio, broadcast on talkSPORT, he apologised profusely for his controversial comments. And then some.
But what did we learn, asks Dan Silver?
1) Congratulations to talkSPORT for getting the exclusive. Apparently Keys wanted to do Loose Women first, but was disappointed to be told that there was no time for that sort of business and he'd have to wait until his interview was out of the way first.
But what did we learn, asks Dan Silver?
1) Congratulations to talkSPORT for getting the exclusive. Apparently Keys wanted to do Loose Women first, but was disappointed to be told that there was no time for that sort of business and he'd have to wait until his interview was out of the way first.
2) Even so, he was still late going on air. Due to a mix up in communication, talkSPORT staff were waiting to greet him at the studio's front door but Keys was hanging out the back with Jamie Redknapp.
3) The first big revelation was that 'dark forces' had prevented him making a public apology until this point. But who could he be referring to? Latest betting suggests: 2/1 Rupert Murdoch, 5/2 Lord Voldemort, 7/2 Darth Vader, 10/1 Avram Grant, 100/1 Ann Widdecombe, 150/1 Geri Halliwell.
4) One of the overriding themes was contrition - we estimate Keys apologised at least twice for every one of the station's regular listeners. In fact, if he'd have carried on much longer then we fully expected to hear him cough to Watergate, 9/11, World Wars I and II, being Jack the Ripper, nicking the World Cup in 1966, the Arsenal Stadium Mystery and the crucifixion of Christ.
5) At one point things got so bad that it was rumoured Gazza had turned up outside the TalkSPORT studios with a chicken curry, some lager, a fishing rod and a bloody great spade.
6) Keys was keen to stress that Sian Massey wasn't to blame for any of this, but you could be forgiven for losing track of the long list of people that he thought were culpable. Our notes are a bit sketchy, but we got as far as: dark forces, Karren Brady, Karren Brady's mobile phone, former Wolves keeper Matt Murray, football culture, office culture, football office culture, Smiley Culture, respected newspapers, The Mail on Sunday, The Beano, Sky Sports, Sky News, Sky Sports News, Sky Andrew, The Andrews Sisters, Andrews Liver Salts, Andrew Sachs, Goldman Sachs, William Goldman, William Golding and the Lord of the Flies. Did we miss anything?
7) There was at least a measure of self-awareness when Keys protested, "whatever I say today is likely to be misinterpreted", before going on to imply that all women's brains were roughly 10% the size of men's and were made of silly putty. Or at least that's what we THINK that he meant.
8) At the end of the interview, Keys expressed regret that he hadn't been able to come to TalkSPORT's studios in different circumstances, and expressed the hope that in future he would. So do we, Richard: reading the travel bulletins.
9) And so the question, what should Richard's punishment be? Sacking? A year's membership to the WI? A sponsored waxing? We would suggest the wearing of a hair shirt, but how would anyone know when he'd taken it off?
10) Still, at least we can all return to our normal lives. Well, all apart from the man himself that is. Current estimates by talkSPORT chiefs suggest they'll be able to get him out of the hole he dug for himself by Thursday lunchtime at the earliest
