bigbadblue05
DW Regular
- Joined
- Mar 19, 2007
- Messages
- 874
- Reaction score
- 259
I was devastated to find out my wife was having an affair but, by turning to religion, I was soon able to come to terms with the whole thing. I converted to Islam, and we're stoning her in the morning!
The wife suggested I get myself one of those penis enlargers, so I did .... she's 21 and her name's Lucy
My son was thrown out of school today for letting a girl in his class give him a hand-job. I said "Son, that's 3 schools this year! You'd better stop before you're banned from teaching altogether."
Just been to the gym. They've got a new machine in. Could only use it for half an hour, as I started to feel sick. It's great though. It provides me with everything I need - KitKats, Mars Bars, Snickers, Potato Crisps, the lot.
Question - Are there too many immigrants in Britain? 17% said yes; 11% said No; 72% said "I am not understanding the question please."
The cost of living has become so bad that my wife is having sex with me because she can't afford batteries.
A man calls 999 and says "I think my wife is dead". The operator says, "How do you know?" He says "The sex is about the same, but the ironing is piling up!"
I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature. She said she would like to come back as a cow. I said, "You obviously haven't been listening."
My wife has been missing a week now. The police said to prepare for the worst. So, I had to go down to the pawn shop to get all of her clothes back.
I've heard that Apple has scrapped their plans for the new children-friendly iPod after realising that "iTouch Kids" is not a good product name.
There's a new Muslim clothing shop that opened in our shopping centre, but they threw me out after I asked if I could look at some of the bomber jackets.
The Red Cross just knocked on my door and asked if we could contribute towards the floods in Pakistan. I said we'd love to, but our garden hose only reaches to the driveway.
The wife suggested I get myself one of those penis enlargers, so I did .... she's 21 and her name's Lucy
My son was thrown out of school today for letting a girl in his class give him a hand-job. I said "Son, that's 3 schools this year! You'd better stop before you're banned from teaching altogether."
Just been to the gym. They've got a new machine in. Could only use it for half an hour, as I started to feel sick. It's great though. It provides me with everything I need - KitKats, Mars Bars, Snickers, Potato Crisps, the lot.
Question - Are there too many immigrants in Britain? 17% said yes; 11% said No; 72% said "I am not understanding the question please."
The cost of living has become so bad that my wife is having sex with me because she can't afford batteries.
A man calls 999 and says "I think my wife is dead". The operator says, "How do you know?" He says "The sex is about the same, but the ironing is piling up!"
I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature. She said she would like to come back as a cow. I said, "You obviously haven't been listening."
My wife has been missing a week now. The police said to prepare for the worst. So, I had to go down to the pawn shop to get all of her clothes back.
I've heard that Apple has scrapped their plans for the new children-friendly iPod after realising that "iTouch Kids" is not a good product name.
There's a new Muslim clothing shop that opened in our shopping centre, but they threw me out after I asked if I could look at some of the bomber jackets.
The Red Cross just knocked on my door and asked if we could contribute towards the floods in Pakistan. I said we'd love to, but our garden hose only reaches to the driveway.
