Liverpool FC

[die5el]

Liverpool FC have arranged their end of season dinner for tonight if you fancy going. You’ll need to let them know your dinner choice...?

Menu :-

Starter
Sour Grapes

Main Course
Plaice (only 2nd or 3rd)

Pudding
A choice of Pennant, Lucas, Voronin, Arbeloa or Keane

Drinks are available – but no doubles or trebles.
Beer and lager but no Carling Prem.
Plenty of whines to choose from.

Payment – pound sterling, no Euro………!!

........................................

Police have confirmed that 2 Premiership footballers had their houses burgled on the same night last Tuesday.

Ryan Giggs had, 70 Welsh Caps, 11 Premiership Medals, 2 Champions League Medals, 5 FA Cup Medals, 1 League Cup Medal, 2 World Club Medals, 8 Charity Shield Medals and 1 Super Cup medal stolen.

Fernando Torres has lost a kettle and a toaster. :Laugh:

 

[elkopite]

COME BACK WHEN YOU'VE WON AS MUCH AS US

Q: Did you hear that the British Post Office has just recalled their latest stamps?
A: Well, they had photos of Manchester United players on them - folk couldn't figure out which side to spit on.



Q: What has Old Trafford on a Saturday afternoon at 4.45pm got in common with Wormwood Scrubs Prison?
A: They are both full of cockneys trying to get out.



Q: How many Man U fans does it take to pave up a driveway?
A: Depends how thin you slice them.



Q. What would you call a pregnant Man United fan?
A: A dope carrier.

Sir Alex is queuing in his local building society, when a gunman bursts in through the door demanding money. Ferguson attempts to tackle the raider, but gets knocked over...as he falls, his head smashes the counter and Sir Alex is out cold. The robber escapes and the cashier tries to revive Ferguson. After a few minutes he comes round and looks bewildered. His first words are "Where the hell am I?". The Cashier replies: "don't worry, its ok, you're in the Nationwide." Ferguson replies, "F**k me, is it May already?"

Q. What do you call a Manchester United fan with half a brain?
A: Gifted.




Are you Single?

Q: How many Man United fans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 560,001. That is 1 to change it, 60,000 to say they've been changing it for years and 500,000 to buy the replica kit.



Michael Barrymore has offered Manchester United £1 million pounds to play as their striker because he wants 10 pricks behind him and 67,000 assholes jumping up and down.



Q: What do Manchester fans use as birth control?
A: Their personalities.



Q: What do Beckham and Posh Spice both have in common?
A: Both are f**ing bad singers!!!



Q: How many Man U supporters does it take to stop a moving Bus?
A: Never enough.



Q: What's the difference between Alex Ferguson and God?
A: God doesn't think he's Alex Ferguson.



Q: What do you call a Mancunian with no arms and legs?
A: Trustworthy.



Q: What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead Man Utd. fan?
A: Skid marks in front of the dog.



Q: What's the difference between a Man-U fan and a Vibrator?
A: A Man U fan is a real dick



Q: Why can't you get a cup of tea at Old Trafford?
A: All the mugs are on the field and all the cups are at Highbury.

 

[srgberian]

Q: How many Liverpool fans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Yeah, as if they have electricity in Liverpool...



Q: What's is the differance between Pamela Anderson and the Liverpool goal?
A: Pam's only got two tits in front of her



Q: Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, an intelligent Liverpool supporter and an old drunk are walking down the street together when simultaneously they each spot a fifty quid note. Who gets it?
A: The old drunk, of course - the other 3 are mythical creatures.


Q: What do Pool Fans and sperm have in common?
A: One in 2,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.



Q: How can you tell a level headed Liverpool supporter?
A: He dribbles from both sides of his mouth - at the same time.



Q: What do you get if you cross a Liverpol fan with a pig?
A: Thick bacon...


Newsflash: Thieves broke into the home of a Liverpool fan and stole two books. "The thing that upsets me", he said "is that I hadn't finished colouring them in yet!"



Q: What do you get if you cross a Monkey with a Liverpudlian?
A: Nothing. The monkeys are far too clever to screw a Liverpudlian.



Q: What is the difference between a battery and a Scowser fan?
A: A battery has a positive side.



Q: Why do Sumo wrestlers shave their legs?
A: So they ain't mistaken fur a Liverpudlian women.

A man was walking down Warwick road and he noticed an old woman crossing
the road with a bag of groceries.

All of a sudden, a rottweiler leaped from a near by garden and began to maul the
old woman.

Sensing he had to do something, the man ruched over, grabbed the dog around
the neck and got it off the woman.

He then killed the dog by repeatedly kicking the dog's neck and stomach until it
lay flat om the floor.

Then a man approached him and said, "I write for the Manchester Evening News,
this is a top story! So if you'll agree, the headline will read, United Fan Saves
Woman's Life. That ok sir?"

The man replied, "Oh, sorry....I'm actually a Liverpool supporter....."

The journalist replied, "Ohh.....I see...that's ok then....*tuts*..." and he walks off.

The next day the Liverpool supporter saw the headline on the paper and it read,



"Scouse ******* kills family pet!"

 

[**override**]

hahaha love it​

come back when you've won as much as us

q: Did you hear that the british post office has just recalled their latest stamps?
A: Well, they had photos of manchester united players on them - folk couldn't figure out which side to spit on.



Q: What has old trafford on a saturday afternoon at 4.45pm got in common with wormwood scrubs prison?
A: They are both full of cockneys trying to get out.



Q: How many man u fans does it take to pave up a driveway?
A: Depends how thin you slice them.



Q. What would you call a pregnant man united fan?
A: A dope carrier.

Sir alex is queuing in his local building society, when a gunman bursts in through the door demanding money. Ferguson attempts to tackle the raider, but gets knocked over...as he falls, his head smashes the counter and sir alex is out cold. The robber escapes and the cashier tries to revive ferguson. After a few minutes he comes round and looks bewildered. His first words are "where the hell am i?". The cashier replies: "don't worry, its ok, you're in the nationwide." ferguson replies, "f**k me, is it may already?"

q. What do you call a manchester united fan with half a brain?
A: Gifted.




Are you single?

Q: How many man united fans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 560,001. That is 1 to change it, 60,000 to say they've been changing it for years and 500,000 to buy the replica kit.



Michael barrymore has offered manchester united £1 million pounds to play as their striker because he wants 10 pricks behind him and 67,000 assholes jumping up and down.



Q: What do manchester fans use as birth control?
A: Their personalities.



Q: What do beckham and posh spice both have in common?
A: Both are f**ing bad singers!!!



Q: How many man u supporters does it take to stop a moving bus?
A: Never enough.



Q: What's the difference between alex ferguson and god?
A: God doesn't think he's alex ferguson.



Q: What do you call a mancunian with no arms and legs?
A: Trustworthy.



Q: What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead man utd. Fan?
A: Skid marks in front of the dog.



Q: What's the difference between a man-u fan and a vibrator?
A: A man u fan is a real dick



q: Why can't you get a cup of tea at old trafford?
A: All the mugs are on the field and all the cups are at highbury.

 

[srgberian]

Wots the only ship never to dock in liverpool??/





The PREMIER-SHIP!
:banana::banana:

 

[davidh]

they are naming the next nuclear submarine cristano ronaldo

it helps when the captain shouts dive dive dive

 

[snapman]

This sums up how much Ronaldo is up his own arse....

Rooney, Ronaldo and Ferdinand are all brought up to heaven as god wants to know there beliefs about football.

God asks Rooney 'What do you believe in?'

Rooney says 'Well, I believe in the joys of football and it doesnt matter whether you win or lose, it's just playing the game that counts'
God agrees and gives Rooney the seat on his right hand side.

God then asks Ferdinand 'What do you believe in?'

Ferdinand says 'I believe that when you step onto that football pitch nothing else matter's to you'

Yet again god agrees and gives Ferdinand the seat on his left.

God then peers over to Ronaldo and asks 'What do you believe in son?'

Ronaldo says 'Well sir, I believe that you are sitting in my seat'

If he could, he'd fcuk himself rather than a gorgeous woman....

 

[Nani121]

quality mate lmao

Q: How many Liverpool fans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Yeah, as if they have electricity in Liverpool...



Q: What's is the differance between Pamela Anderson and the Liverpool goal?
A: Pam's only got two tits in front of her



Q: Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, an intelligent Liverpool supporter and an old drunk are walking down the street together when simultaneously they each spot a fifty quid note. Who gets it?
A: The old drunk, of course - the other 3 are mythical creatures.


Q: What do Pool Fans and sperm have in common?
A: One in 2,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.



Q: How can you tell a level headed Liverpool supporter?
A: He dribbles from both sides of his mouth - at the same time.



Q: What do you get if you cross a Liverpol fan with a pig?
A: Thick bacon...


Newsflash: Thieves broke into the home of a Liverpool fan and stole two books. "The thing that upsets me", he said "is that I hadn't finished colouring them in yet!"



Q: What do you get if you cross a Monkey with a Liverpudlian?
A: Nothing. The monkeys are far too clever to screw a Liverpudlian.



Q: What is the difference between a battery and a Scowser fan?
A: A battery has a positive side.



Q: Why do Sumo wrestlers shave their legs?
A: So they ain't mistaken fur a Liverpudlian women.

A man was walking down Warwick road and he noticed an old woman crossing
the road with a bag of groceries.

All of a sudden, a rottweiler leaped from a near by garden and began to maul the
old woman.

Sensing he had to do something, the man ruched over, grabbed the dog around
the neck and got it off the woman.

He then killed the dog by repeatedly kicking the dog's neck and stomach until it
lay flat om the floor.

Then a man approached him and said, "I write for the Manchester Evening News,
this is a top story! So if you'll agree, the headline will read, United Fan Saves
Woman's Life. That ok sir?"

The man replied, "Oh, sorry....I'm actually a Liverpool supporter....."

The journalist replied, "Ohh.....I see...that's ok then....*tuts*..." and he walks off.

The next day the Liverpool supporter saw the headline on the paper and it read,



"Scouse ******* kills family pet!"