Homer Simpson Quotes
Homer: "Now son, you don't want to drink beer. That's for Daddys, and kids with fake IDs."
Homer: "You couldn't fool your mother on the foolingest day of your life if you had an electrified fooling machine."
Homer: "I saw this in a movie about a bus that had to speed around a city, keeping its speed over 50, and if its speed changed, it would explode! I think it was called, 'The Bus That Couldn't Slow Down.'"
Homer: "I want to share something with you - the three sentences that will get you through life. Number one, 'cover for me.' Number two, 'oh,good idea, boss.' Number three, 'it was like that when I got here.'"
Homer: "Marge, you're as pretty as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda."
Homer: "Step aside everyone! Sensitive love letters are my specialty. 'Dear Baby, Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: you.'"
Homer: "Don't let Krusty's death get you down, boy. People die all the time. Just like that. Why, you could wake up dead tomorrow. Well, good night."
Homer: "Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose: it's how drunk you get."
Homer: Old people don't need companionship. They need to be isolated and studied so it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use.
Homer: How is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive?
Homer: I've always wondered if there was a god. And now I know there is -- and it's me.
Homer: Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.
Homer: It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to fit in eight hours of TV a day.
Homer: Lisa, Vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and eskimos.
Homer: Operator! Give me the number for 911!
Homer: Oh, so they have internet on computers now!
Homer: I like my beer cold, my TV loud and my homosexuals flaming.
Homer [Looking at a globe map...country being Uruguay] :Hee hee! Look at this country!'You are gay.'
Homer: Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!
Homer: "Lisa, if the Bible has taught us nothing else - and it hasn't - it's that girls should stick to girls' sports, such as hot oil wrestling and foxy boxing and such and such."
Homer: "Lisa, if you don't like your job you don't strike. You just go in every day and do it really half-assed. That's the American way."
Homer: "Maybe, just once, someone will call me 'sir' without adding, 'you're making a scene.'"
Mulder: Mr. Simpson, we want you to recreate your every move the night you saw the alien.
Homer: The evening began at the gentleman's club, where we were discussing Wittgenstein over a game of backgammon.
Scully: Mr. Simpson, it's a felony to lie to the FBI.
Homer: We were sitting in Barney's car eating packets of mustard. Happy?
Scully: Homer, we're going to ask you a few simple yes or no questions. Do you understand?
Homer: Yes. lie dectector blows up.
Homer: They turned the Navy into a floating joke. They ruined all our best names like Bruce and Lance and Julian. Those were the toughest names we had! Now they're just...
John: Queer?
Homer: Yeah, and that's another thing! I resent you people using that
word. That's our word for making fun of you! We need it!
Homer is staring at Carmen Electra's chest
Carmen Electra: Homer, my face is up here.
Homer: I've made my choice.
Homer on Family
I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!
[Meeting Aliens] Please don't eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them!
What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts.
Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.
When I look at the smiles on all the children's faces, I just know they're about to jab me with something.
Homer on Religion
I'm not a bad guy! I work hard, and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I'm going to Hell?
I'm normally not a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me Superman.
I'm having the best day of my life, and I owe it all to not going to Church!
Homer on Work
Kill my boss? Do I dare live out the American dream?
If something goes wrong at the plant, blame the guy who can't speak English.
I'm never going to be disabled. I'm sick of being so healthy.
Homer: "Now son, you don't want to drink beer. That's for Daddys, and kids with fake IDs."
Homer: "You couldn't fool your mother on the foolingest day of your life if you had an electrified fooling machine."
Homer: "I saw this in a movie about a bus that had to speed around a city, keeping its speed over 50, and if its speed changed, it would explode! I think it was called, 'The Bus That Couldn't Slow Down.'"
Homer: "I want to share something with you - the three sentences that will get you through life. Number one, 'cover for me.' Number two, 'oh,good idea, boss.' Number three, 'it was like that when I got here.'"
Homer: "Marge, you're as pretty as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda."
Homer: "Step aside everyone! Sensitive love letters are my specialty. 'Dear Baby, Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: you.'"
Homer: "Don't let Krusty's death get you down, boy. People die all the time. Just like that. Why, you could wake up dead tomorrow. Well, good night."
Homer: "Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose: it's how drunk you get."
Homer: Old people don't need companionship. They need to be isolated and studied so it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use.
Homer: How is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive?
Homer: I've always wondered if there was a god. And now I know there is -- and it's me.
Homer: Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.
Homer: It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to fit in eight hours of TV a day.
Homer: Lisa, Vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and eskimos.
Homer: Operator! Give me the number for 911!
Homer: Oh, so they have internet on computers now!
Homer: I like my beer cold, my TV loud and my homosexuals flaming.
Homer [Looking at a globe map...country being Uruguay] :Hee hee! Look at this country!'You are gay.'
Homer: Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!
Homer: "Lisa, if the Bible has taught us nothing else - and it hasn't - it's that girls should stick to girls' sports, such as hot oil wrestling and foxy boxing and such and such."
Homer: "Lisa, if you don't like your job you don't strike. You just go in every day and do it really half-assed. That's the American way."
Homer: "Maybe, just once, someone will call me 'sir' without adding, 'you're making a scene.'"
Mulder: Mr. Simpson, we want you to recreate your every move the night you saw the alien.
Homer: The evening began at the gentleman's club, where we were discussing Wittgenstein over a game of backgammon.
Scully: Mr. Simpson, it's a felony to lie to the FBI.
Homer: We were sitting in Barney's car eating packets of mustard. Happy?
Scully: Homer, we're going to ask you a few simple yes or no questions. Do you understand?
Homer: Yes. lie dectector blows up.
Homer: They turned the Navy into a floating joke. They ruined all our best names like Bruce and Lance and Julian. Those were the toughest names we had! Now they're just...
John: Queer?
Homer: Yeah, and that's another thing! I resent you people using that
word. That's our word for making fun of you! We need it!
Homer is staring at Carmen Electra's chest
Carmen Electra: Homer, my face is up here.
Homer: I've made my choice.
Homer on Family
I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!
[Meeting Aliens] Please don't eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them!
What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts.
Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.
When I look at the smiles on all the children's faces, I just know they're about to jab me with something.
Homer on Religion
I'm not a bad guy! I work hard, and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I'm going to Hell?
I'm normally not a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me Superman.
I'm having the best day of my life, and I owe it all to not going to Church!
Homer on Work
Kill my boss? Do I dare live out the American dream?
If something goes wrong at the plant, blame the guy who can't speak English.
I'm never going to be disabled. I'm sick of being so healthy.
