Two eggs in a pan. One says to the other It’s hot in here. The other says think that’s bad wait til you get out they cave your head in with a tea spoon.
I’ve already got my coat
A dog walks into a job centre and asks if there are any jobs going. The job centre clerk is gobsmaked and tells him I could get you a job in the circus no problem. The dogs says what the fuc k are they going to use a plumber for in a circus.