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Corny 1 Liner Thread
- Thread starter dar1437
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He has actually owned up its him, in hospital with serious mental health problems.
On BBC now
On BBC now
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A blonde wanted to try out ice fishing. She went out and purchased all the gear she would need and headed to a local spot to try to catch some fish.
She went out onto the ice with her gear and after getting comfy on the stool, she started to cut a circular hole in the ice as she had seen on the internet. As she was cutting, she heard a voice from the heavens speak out, saying, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE."
The blonde was startled. She stood up and looked around but saw no one. Cautiously, she moved a little further out onto the ice and set up in a different spot. She sipped some hot chocolate from her thermos and then started cutting another hole. Again, the voice called out, seemingly from all around her.
"THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE"
Now feeling quite scared and starting to get a bit frustrated, she moved all the way to the far end of the ice and laid out all her gear, sat upon her stool and started cutting another hole. Right away, the heavenly voice boomed out, this time louder than ever, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!".
She jumped off her stool and looked all around her. She shouted to the heavens, "IS THAT YOU, LORD?"
The voice answered, "NO. THIS IS THE MANAGER OF THE ICE SKATING RINK. THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!"
She went out onto the ice with her gear and after getting comfy on the stool, she started to cut a circular hole in the ice as she had seen on the internet. As she was cutting, she heard a voice from the heavens speak out, saying, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE."
The blonde was startled. She stood up and looked around but saw no one. Cautiously, she moved a little further out onto the ice and set up in a different spot. She sipped some hot chocolate from her thermos and then started cutting another hole. Again, the voice called out, seemingly from all around her.
"THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE"
Now feeling quite scared and starting to get a bit frustrated, she moved all the way to the far end of the ice and laid out all her gear, sat upon her stool and started cutting another hole. Right away, the heavenly voice boomed out, this time louder than ever, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!".
She jumped off her stool and looked all around her. She shouted to the heavens, "IS THAT YOU, LORD?"
The voice answered, "NO. THIS IS THE MANAGER OF THE ICE SKATING RINK. THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!"
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Something to look out for chaps, even if you aren't too old!
Warning: Scam Against Older Men - a lot of men have been caught.
Women often receive warnings about protecting themselves at shopping
centres and in dark car parks etc.
This is the first warning I have seen for men.. I wanted to pass it on in
case you haven't heard about it.
A 'heads up' for those men who may be regular customers at B & Q, Screwfix,
or even Tesco. This one caught me totally by surprise.
Over the last month I became a victim of a clever scam while out shopping.
Simply going out to get supplies has turned out to be quite traumatic. Don't
be naive enough to think it couldn't happen to you or your friends. Here's
how the scam works:
Two good-looking, university-aged girls will come over to your car or van as
you are packing your purchases into your vehicle. They both start wiping your
windscreen with a rag and screen wash, with their breasts almost falling out of
their skimpy T-shirts. (It's impossible not to look). When you thank them and
offer them a tip, they say 'No' but instead ask for a ride to McDonald's.
You agree and they climb into the vehicle. On the way, they start
undressing.
Then one of them starts crawling all over you, while the other one steals
your wallet.
I had my wallet stolen on October 4th, 9th, 10th, twice on the 15th, 17th, 20th,
24th, & 29th. Also November 1st & 4th, twice on the 8th, 16th, 23rd, 26th &
27th, and very likely again this upcoming weekend.
So tell your friends to be careful. What a horrible way to take advantage of
us older men. Warn your friends to be vigilant.
Tesco has wallets on sale for £2.99 each. I found even cheaper ones for 99p
at the Pound Shop and I bought their entire stock.
Also, you never get to eat at McDonald's. I've already lost 11 pounds just
running back and forth from B & Q, to Screwfix, to Tesco etc.
So please, send this on to all the older men that you know and warn them to
be on the lookout for this scam. (The best times are just before lunch and
around 4:30 in the afternoon.)
Please take this seriously and pass on.
Warning: Scam Against Older Men - a lot of men have been caught.
Women often receive warnings about protecting themselves at shopping
centres and in dark car parks etc.
This is the first warning I have seen for men.. I wanted to pass it on in
case you haven't heard about it.
A 'heads up' for those men who may be regular customers at B & Q, Screwfix,
or even Tesco. This one caught me totally by surprise.
Over the last month I became a victim of a clever scam while out shopping.
Simply going out to get supplies has turned out to be quite traumatic. Don't
be naive enough to think it couldn't happen to you or your friends. Here's
how the scam works:
Two good-looking, university-aged girls will come over to your car or van as
you are packing your purchases into your vehicle. They both start wiping your
windscreen with a rag and screen wash, with their breasts almost falling out of
their skimpy T-shirts. (It's impossible not to look). When you thank them and
offer them a tip, they say 'No' but instead ask for a ride to McDonald's.
You agree and they climb into the vehicle. On the way, they start
undressing.
Then one of them starts crawling all over you, while the other one steals
your wallet.
I had my wallet stolen on October 4th, 9th, 10th, twice on the 15th, 17th, 20th,
24th, & 29th. Also November 1st & 4th, twice on the 8th, 16th, 23rd, 26th &
27th, and very likely again this upcoming weekend.
So tell your friends to be careful. What a horrible way to take advantage of
us older men. Warn your friends to be vigilant.
Tesco has wallets on sale for £2.99 each. I found even cheaper ones for 99p
at the Pound Shop and I bought their entire stock.
Also, you never get to eat at McDonald's. I've already lost 11 pounds just
running back and forth from B & Q, to Screwfix, to Tesco etc.
So please, send this on to all the older men that you know and warn them to
be on the lookout for this scam. (The best times are just before lunch and
around 4:30 in the afternoon.)
Please take this seriously and pass on.
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