Corny 1 Liner Thread
- Thread starter dar1437
- Start date
Two Irish builders (Patrick and Seamus) are seated either side of a
table in a pub when a well-dressed man enters, orders a beer and sits on a stool at the bar.
The two builders start to speculate about the occupation of the suit.
Pat: - I reckon he's an accountant.Seamus: - No way - he's a stockbroker.
Pat: - He ain't no stockbroker! A stockbroker wouldn't come in here!
The argument repeats itself for some time until the volume of beer
gets the better of Pat and he makes for the toilet.
On entering the toilet he sees that the suit is standing at a urinal.
Curiosity and the several beers get the better of him.
Pat: - 'Scuse me.... No offence meant, but me and me mate were
wondering what you do for a living?
Suit: - No offence taken! I'm a Logical Scientist by profession.
Pat: - Oh? What's that then?
Suit: - I'll try to explain by example ....... Do you have a goldfish at home?
Pat: - Er ... Mmm ......... Well yeah, I do as it happens!
Suit: - Well, it's logical that you keep it either in a bowl or in a
pond. Which is it?
Pat: - It's in a pond!
Suit: - Well it's reasonable to suppose that you have a large garden then?
Pat: - As it happens, yes I have got a big garden.
Suit: - Well then it's logical to assume that, in this town, if you
have a large garden then you have a large house?
Pat: - As it happens I've got a five bedroom house ......... Built it myself!
Suit: - Well given that you've built a five bedroom house it's logical
to assume that you haven't built it just for yourself and that you are
quite probably married? And with a family?
Pat: - Yes I am married, I live with my wife and four children.
Suit: - Well then it is logical to assume that you are sexually active
with your wife on a regular basis?
Pat: - Yep! Five times a week!
Suit: - Well then it is logical to suggest that you don't masturbate very often?
Pat: - Do what? Not me, mate!
Suit: - Well there you are! That's logical science at work!
Pat: - How's that then?
Suit: - Well from finding out that you had a goldfish, I've told you
about your sex life!
Pat: - I see! That's pretty impressive.. Thanks mate!
Both leave the toilet and Pat returns to his mate.
Seamus: - I see the suit was in there. Did you ask him what he does?
Pat: - Yep! He's a logical scientist! Seamus: - What's that then?
Pat: - I'll try and explain. Do you have a goldfish?
Seamus: - Nope
Pat: - Well then, you're a ******.
table in a pub when a well-dressed man enters, orders a beer and sits on a stool at the bar.
The two builders start to speculate about the occupation of the suit.
Pat: - I reckon he's an accountant.Seamus: - No way - he's a stockbroker.
Pat: - He ain't no stockbroker! A stockbroker wouldn't come in here!
The argument repeats itself for some time until the volume of beer
gets the better of Pat and he makes for the toilet.
On entering the toilet he sees that the suit is standing at a urinal.
Curiosity and the several beers get the better of him.
Pat: - 'Scuse me.... No offence meant, but me and me mate were
wondering what you do for a living?
Suit: - No offence taken! I'm a Logical Scientist by profession.
Pat: - Oh? What's that then?
Suit: - I'll try to explain by example ....... Do you have a goldfish at home?
Pat: - Er ... Mmm ......... Well yeah, I do as it happens!
Suit: - Well, it's logical that you keep it either in a bowl or in a
pond. Which is it?
Pat: - It's in a pond!
Suit: - Well it's reasonable to suppose that you have a large garden then?
Pat: - As it happens, yes I have got a big garden.
Suit: - Well then it's logical to assume that, in this town, if you
have a large garden then you have a large house?
Pat: - As it happens I've got a five bedroom house ......... Built it myself!
Suit: - Well given that you've built a five bedroom house it's logical
to assume that you haven't built it just for yourself and that you are
quite probably married? And with a family?
Pat: - Yes I am married, I live with my wife and four children.
Suit: - Well then it is logical to assume that you are sexually active
with your wife on a regular basis?
Pat: - Yep! Five times a week!
Suit: - Well then it is logical to suggest that you don't masturbate very often?
Pat: - Do what? Not me, mate!
Suit: - Well there you are! That's logical science at work!
Pat: - How's that then?
Suit: - Well from finding out that you had a goldfish, I've told you
about your sex life!
Pat: - I see! That's pretty impressive.. Thanks mate!
Both leave the toilet and Pat returns to his mate.
Seamus: - I see the suit was in there. Did you ask him what he does?
Pat: - Yep! He's a logical scientist! Seamus: - What's that then?
Pat: - I'll try and explain. Do you have a goldfish?
Seamus: - Nope
Pat: - Well then, you're a ******.
More of a memory than a joke, brought about after taking our grandson for a stroll along the beach the other day.
I must have been about 5 or 6 and growing up in the UK when we went as a big family group (cousins etc) for a day at the local seaside.
A bunch of us kids were playing quite happily when an altercation broke out in front of us between a young married couple who had a baby with them. To this day, I have no idea what the row was about but it escalated with the baby being passed, very roughly between the man and his wife. It became so bad that someone called the police.
When the policeman turned up, it just seemed to aggravate the situation and eventually, the woman was somehow able to get hold of the policeman's truncheon and began to beat him quite violently.
Then a crocodile appeared and ate all the sausages.
I still have bad dreams about it to this day
I must have been about 5 or 6 and growing up in the UK when we went as a big family group (cousins etc) for a day at the local seaside.
A bunch of us kids were playing quite happily when an altercation broke out in front of us between a young married couple who had a baby with them. To this day, I have no idea what the row was about but it escalated with the baby being passed, very roughly between the man and his wife. It became so bad that someone called the police.
When the policeman turned up, it just seemed to aggravate the situation and eventually, the woman was somehow able to get hold of the policeman's truncheon and began to beat him quite violently.
Then a crocodile appeared and ate all the sausages.
I still have bad dreams about it to this day
- Joined
- Aug 2, 2007
- Messages
- 5,413
- Reaction score
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- Joined
- Aug 2, 2007
- Messages
- 5,413
- Reaction score
- 7,025
Just got back from Rhodes 
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