Corny 1 Liner Thread
- Thread starter dar1437
- Start date
Renault and Ford have joined forces to create the perfect small car for women.
Mixing the Renault 'Clio' and the Ford 'Taurus' they have designed the 'Clitaurus'.
It comes in pink, and the average male car thief won't be able to find it, let alone turn it on - even if someone tells him where it is and how to do it.
Rumour has it though, it can be a real bitch to start in the morning!
Some have reported that on cold winter mornings, when you really need it, you can't get it to turn over.
New models are initially fun to own, but very costly to maintain, and horribly expensive to get rid of.
Used models may initially appear to have curb appeal and a low price, but eventually have an increased appetite for fuel, & the curb weight typically increases with age.
Manufacturers are baffled as to how the size of the boot increases, but say that the paint may just make it LOOK bigger.
This model is not expected to reach collector status.
Most owners find it is best to lease one, and replace it when it becomes troublesome.
Mixing the Renault 'Clio' and the Ford 'Taurus' they have designed the 'Clitaurus'.
It comes in pink, and the average male car thief won't be able to find it, let alone turn it on - even if someone tells him where it is and how to do it.
Rumour has it though, it can be a real bitch to start in the morning!
Some have reported that on cold winter mornings, when you really need it, you can't get it to turn over.
New models are initially fun to own, but very costly to maintain, and horribly expensive to get rid of.
Used models may initially appear to have curb appeal and a low price, but eventually have an increased appetite for fuel, & the curb weight typically increases with age.
Manufacturers are baffled as to how the size of the boot increases, but say that the paint may just make it LOOK bigger.
This model is not expected to reach collector status.
Most owners find it is best to lease one, and replace it when it becomes troublesome.
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An old physician, Doctor Gordon Geezer, became very bored in retirement and decided to re-open a medical clinic.
He put a sign up outside that said: "Dr. Geezer's Clinic. Get your treatment for $500 - if not cured, get back $1,000."
Doctor Digger Young, who was positive that this old geezer didn't know beans about medicine, thought this would be a great opportunity to get $1,000. So he went to Dr. Geezer's clinic.
Dr Young: "Dr. Geezer, I have lost all taste in my mouth. Can you please help me?"
Dr Geezer: "Nurse, please bring medicine from the box 22 and put 3 drops in Dr. Young's mouth."
Dr Young: 'Aaagh! -- This is Gasoline!"
Dr Geezer: "Congratulations! You've got your taste back. That will be $500."
Dr Young gets annoyed and goes back after a couple of days figuring to recover his money.
Dr Young: "I have lost my memory, I cannot remember anything."
Dr Geezer: "Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient's mouth."
Dr Young: "Oh, no you don't -- that is Gasoline!"
Dr Geezer: "Congratulations! You've got your memory back That will be $500."
Dr Young (after having lost $1000) leaves angrily and comes back after several more days.
Dr Young: "My eyesight has become weak --- I can hardly see anything!"
Dr Geezer: "Well, I don't have any medicine for that so, "Here's your $1000 back" (giving him a $10 bill).
Dr Young: "But this is only $10!"
Dr Geezer: "Congratulations! You got your vision back! That will be $500."
*Moral of story* -- Just because you're "Young" doesn't mean that you can outsmart an "old Geezer".
*Remember: Don't make old people mad. We don't like being old in the first place, so it doesn't take much to piss us off.
He put a sign up outside that said: "Dr. Geezer's Clinic. Get your treatment for $500 - if not cured, get back $1,000."
Doctor Digger Young, who was positive that this old geezer didn't know beans about medicine, thought this would be a great opportunity to get $1,000. So he went to Dr. Geezer's clinic.
Dr Young: "Dr. Geezer, I have lost all taste in my mouth. Can you please help me?"
Dr Geezer: "Nurse, please bring medicine from the box 22 and put 3 drops in Dr. Young's mouth."
Dr Young: 'Aaagh! -- This is Gasoline!"
Dr Geezer: "Congratulations! You've got your taste back. That will be $500."
Dr Young gets annoyed and goes back after a couple of days figuring to recover his money.
Dr Young: "I have lost my memory, I cannot remember anything."
Dr Geezer: "Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient's mouth."
Dr Young: "Oh, no you don't -- that is Gasoline!"
Dr Geezer: "Congratulations! You've got your memory back That will be $500."
Dr Young (after having lost $1000) leaves angrily and comes back after several more days.
Dr Young: "My eyesight has become weak --- I can hardly see anything!"
Dr Geezer: "Well, I don't have any medicine for that so, "Here's your $1000 back" (giving him a $10 bill).
Dr Young: "But this is only $10!"
Dr Geezer: "Congratulations! You got your vision back! That will be $500."
*Moral of story* -- Just because you're "Young" doesn't mean that you can outsmart an "old Geezer".
*Remember: Don't make old people mad. We don't like being old in the first place, so it doesn't take much to piss us off.
Went to my lady doctor I said i've got a rash on my testicles, can i have a look, yes. she had a little squeeze and said, you've got to stop masturbating Mr Jones. I asked why.
Because I'm trying to examine your testicles
I spent yesterday shouting through a sieve
I think i may have strained my voice
Because I'm trying to examine your testicles
I spent yesterday shouting through a sieve
I think i may have strained my voice
In Moscow, a nun was standing in a corner waiting for a bus. A Russian soldier ran up to the nun.
Out of breath, he asked, “Please, may I hide under your skirt, I'll explain later.”
The nun grudgingly agreed.
A moment later two Russian military police ran up and asked, “Sister, have you seen a soldier?”
The nun pointed, “He went that way."
After the military police ran off, the soldier crawled out from under her skirt and said, “I can't thank you enough Sister. You see, I don't want to go to Ukraine.”
The nun said, “I understand completely.”
The soldier added, “I hope I'm not rude, but you have a great pair of legs!”
The nun replied, “If you had looked a little higher, you would’ve seen a great pair of balls. I don't want to go to Ukraine either."
Out of breath, he asked, “Please, may I hide under your skirt, I'll explain later.”
The nun grudgingly agreed.
A moment later two Russian military police ran up and asked, “Sister, have you seen a soldier?”
The nun pointed, “He went that way."
After the military police ran off, the soldier crawled out from under her skirt and said, “I can't thank you enough Sister. You see, I don't want to go to Ukraine.”
The nun said, “I understand completely.”
The soldier added, “I hope I'm not rude, but you have a great pair of legs!”
The nun replied, “If you had looked a little higher, you would’ve seen a great pair of balls. I don't want to go to Ukraine either."
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