Adult - little Johnny

[Spikeman]

Little johnny is having dinner and telling his parents about his school trip to the local farm....

DAD - So what did you see Johnny.

LJ - Well dad we saw some goats, some sheeps and a field of f u c k e rs

DAD - A filed of what??

LJ - A field of f u c k ers dad - The man said they were hethers but I knew what he meant dad.

 

[Spikeman]

Another Johnny Joke.....

Little Johnny is in class and the teacher is talking about precious materials...

Teacher - So if you could be made of anything what would you be made of?

Little Jim sticks his hand up and says "Gold Miss"

Teacher - Why is that Jim?

Little Jim - Well miss if I scratch an itch I will itch off some gold dust and I can collect it in a bag miss and when I have enough miss and becuase gold is expensive I can sell the gold dust and buy a porsche.

Teacher - That's good Jim Anyone else?

Big Jenny (she's got big t+ts) puts her hand up and says "Platinum miss"

Teachers says, "ok why is that"

Big Jenny " Well misss like little Jim miss I could scratch myself and as platinum is more expensive than gold I could buy a Porsche and a Ferrari.

Teacher say " Very good, I can see you all know the value of things - anyone else"

Little John says "Me miss"

Teacher, "Yes Johnny"

Little johnny- "Pubic Hair Miss - my sister only has a small patch but you should see the motors outside her house"

 

[madbomber]

brill m8 last one is brill...lmfao

 

[IANB]

teacher is asking the class for words beginning with and starts with A
Little johnnys hand shoots straight up but she knows whats comming so she asks mary.
Apple miss mary replies
very good and whats an apple
its a fruit miss
good lets have B
again up shoots johnnys hand3
no way thinks the teacher and asks pete
basketball miss
very good and whats a basketball
its sports equipment
well done says the teacher lets have C
again up shoots johnnys hand
No i cant ask him thinks the teacher i know what he will say
so she asks sarah
club miss
very good and whats a club
its a thing used in golf miss
Very good says the teacher lets have D
Johnnys hand is up instantly and the teacher thinks i should be alright here i cant think of a swear word for d ok Johnny d
Johnny answers Dwarf miss
Very good johnny and whats a dwarf.




A wee f u c k i n g c u n t about 2 foot high miss.

 

[Spikeman]

LOL Ian that was my next one - you didn't used to play for Gulo Luseus by chance - that was our team joke!! We wasn't allowed to use the c word in front of the women - they wondered for quite a while why we were calling everyone a dwarf!!

 

[Spikeman]

Little Johnny is playing in the street with his dog when a vicar walks up...

Vicar - Hello johnny what are you playing with?

LJ - Prassic Acid

Vicar - What?? You can't play with Prassic Acid it's dangerous.

LJ - I don't tell you what to do with holy water do I?

Vicar - Thats completely different. Holy water is wonderfull. I once put some holy water on a womens belly and she passed a baby.

LJ - That's nothing. Last night I put Prassic Acid on my dogs bollox and he passed a Ferrari!!

 

[IANB]

lmfao brill m8

 

[Mick]

LMFAO ROFL

HAHAHAHAHAHA

that prassic acid one had me rolling up lmfao pmsl

 

[Spikeman]

Little Johnny has joined the cub scout and it's "bob a job" week so he knocks on the local church door and the verger answers...

LJ - Bob a Job mister?

V - Yes young man I have lots for you to do. Today you can cut the lawns. Tomorrow you can change the flowers on all the graves. The day after that you can Stain all the pews inside the church and I have lots more to keep you occupied all week.

LJ - Brilliant wheres your lawn mower?

Well LJ works his socks off all week and come friday he can't wait to get his well earned cash so as evening mass finishes he goes up to the verger.

LJ - I'm finished Mister.

V - Marvelous my boy you have worked really hard and you have really earned your money. Here's your 50p.

LJ - looks puzzled for a moment then replies thank you Virgin.

V- No son you mean Verger.

LJ - Look I know what I mean and I know a tight "dwarf" when I see one!!

 

[joe.kom]

a man goes the doctors with a really bad stomach ache, so bad he can't bent over or do any thing. the doctor exsamins him and tells him he must take 3 supossatories (pill up the arse) a day for the next three weeks, the doctor sends the bloke behind the curtain to do the first one him self , the bloke tries but the pain is so bad that he needs the doctors help so the doctor says no problem put s his hand on the blokes shoulder and shoves it up him , straight away the guy feels better, he goes home.then watching the footy on tele when his team scores so excited he jumps out of his chair and causes the pain to come back twice as bad. the man calls his misses to his aid she says ok daring i'll do it so of she goes put her hand on his shoulder and shoves it up him, instantly the man starts screaming at the top of his lungs ,im sorry i didn't mean to hurt you his wife says. OH NO IT WASN'T YOU I JUST REMEMBERED THE DOCTOR HAD BOTH HANDS ON MY SHOULDERS.

 

[Spikeman]

I take it the docs name was Johnny??? lol