what do i do :(

[jammoboss]

Well I have come out of a 6 year relationship with the mother of our child. Its been about 6 weeks now since I left. Here's my story:

A few months back I noticed my feelings for her weren't as strong as they use to be and we seemed more distant, sex life had almost disappeared but we still kissed/cuddled/hugs. Like any couple there was a good few arguments. I left in the end of December last year but got back together in January. In April I thought a holiday might help, there was on and off between us leading up to the holiday in June.

The holiday made it feel like the first few months of our relationship and I loved every second of being with her and my son until we got back home. Within weeks of being back I started thinking "I cant stay here anymore I am not happy". Then at the beginning of August she rang me crying saying we need to talk.

When I got back home she said "I cant be with you anymore, I am sorry. I know this might sound bad but I found a big relief when she said that and told her I haven't been happy in months. I left that night and popped back and for to cellect my stuff.

Now she is a good mum and I know she would never stop me seeing my son, at the moment we've agreed on a sat-sun for me to have him and in the school holiday (he's 4 by the way).

It was all going great we still had a few chats via facebook but then my son was starting his first day in reception class, so I decide I wanted to be there which she agreed, that day we both went and after dropping him off went for a coffee and a drive and had a laugh (like the old days). We then picked him up from school together and the most hurtful thing came out of his mouth "are you and mummy back together", she burst out crying and my eyes watered. I dropped her off and went home.

Even though he is only 4 it has effected him as she has txt me saying he's in his room crying saying he misses daddy. It hurts not being with him everyday like I used to be.

Recently I put old pics up on facebook of my clubbing years and some exs were in there, that's when it started getting nasty with her comments, arguments etc so I decided to remove her and only contact her if it concerned my son.

What's puzzling me is I am really missing her, we were so much alike, we both admitted we love each offer and will always have feelings deep down but were not in love, I wish I could have the feeling I had at the beginning. Has anyone had this happen to them?

So many friends have said you should go back and try again and work things out or go to counselling but I really don't know what to do. Am I fooling myself and its just I miss my son?

The other thing I want to know is has anyone had trouble regarding seeing there child after a split with the mum? I know she would never stop me but I have not gone to citizens advice to find out were I stand because if she meets someone else and is influenced by them she could give me trouble.


sorry about the life story lol

thanks

 

[zad]

m8 if the spark ain't there it ain't there simple.

How does she feel and what did she want to talk about? same thing?

My aunt and uncle after 28 years of marriage decide they could not live together although they were still deeply in love every thing he/she did just wound the other up...

Women are strange creatures m8, if she was the one sticking pics up and you didn't comment or have a go you would have been in the wrong as well lol...

Only one that will really suffer in the long run is the little guy, but it will be better you two happy apart than arguing whilst in the same house...

MAybe in time you might get the spark back..... hell after 17 years with my ball n chain I could do with a new spark lol

 

[Captin]

This is hard and I've been though it myself many years ago, my kids are grown up now.

But the truth is that if it isnt working between you and your wife then it isnt gonna get better. Staying together for your sons sake will only make him more miserable in the end as you and your wife drift apart, with constant fighting and sometime affairs. Your son will always be in the middle of it all.

I split with my first wife for much the same reasons as you. But my kids were a little older, 10, 9 & 4. Now they are 22, 21 & 16 and have grown up without any harm whatsoever.

It is hard to see the little one cry as you walk away to go home, but it's harder for them to sit listening to you both arguing all the time.

 

[IANB]

Some tough love advice here m8.
Brace yourself.

Get your arse in gear and tell your girl to do the same.
Get you heads together and get it sorted. You obviously still have feelings for her and her for you.
Dont hurt that kiddie anymore as it could have a lasting effect on him.

You and your girl need to sit down and have a good long look at where you want to go and then work bloody hard with each other to get there.
Good luck m8 i wish you all well.

 

[Evastar]

There's a few things here.

First of all, are you on the child's birth cert, do you pay maintenance? If you are named on the birth cert and paying child support you have legal rights to see your child, if you're not named as the father well then you could have trouble further down the line.

Secondly it's great that you get on well together, and it's bound to be tough splitting up when you have a child, but if you don't love each other, there's no point in staying, even for your child's sake.

 

[IANB]

There's a few things here.

First of all, are you on the child's birth cert, do you pay maintenance? If you are named on the birth cert and paying child support you have legal rights to see your child, if you're not named as the father well then you could have trouble further down the line.

Secondly it's great that you get on well together, and it's bound to be tough splitting up when you have a child, but if you don't love each other, there's no point in staying, even for your child's sake.

I think you need to re-read his post Eva!

 

[Evastar]

Ok, reword that to 'if you are not in love with each other'

 

[biffo1]

the only advice i can give is if u still love each other then its worth working things out , setting aside your child and focusing on you both its not worth throwing what you had away so i hope you both get back together for the right reason because you still love each other and not just for your childs sake as this wouldnt be fair on any of you including your son , hope you sort everything thing out mate
good luck!

 

[jamesyboyjim]

Relationships do lose their spark after a while and you do lose that almost school boyish feeling you get when you first start liking someone but it isnt necessarily a reason to leave them. you saying you are unhappy however is.

personally it just sounds as though you need to reignite the relationship as you said how great it was when you went on holiday, maybe councilling could help?

 

[MOAMB]

Hi mate,

Sorry to hear about this.
As a few have already said its not fair on either you or your partner and defo not your little one it you just get back together for the babys sake. If you did this then there is the chance you and your partner could end up resenting each other and im sure you dont want that.

Looking from the outside it sounds like you both love (maybe in love) with each other but have lost the spark. Is it not possible to start courting/dating again. Get someone to baby sit the little one and go out to the cinema or for summat to eat a couple of times a week and try and get the exciting things back because NORMAL life can make you forget why you fell for that person in the first place and time just goes and before you know where you are its 12 months and you aint had any real time together.

Sorry if iv gone on just my view from the outside mate.

Hope it all works out what ever you decide.

Ray

 

[oneman]

You've spent six years with this person, shared your life, shared you hopes, dreams seen each other at your best and your worst. Most importantly you have a great kid together. It would be crazy to think that you could switch off emotions for each with the flick of a switch.

As the others have said, don't mess about with this. If you both really think that its worth saving then you need to commit 100% to working out your problems, see a counseller if you think it will help but please don't get back together just for the sake of your son. He will now its not real and its not teaching him what a real relationship is like. He is 4 years old, at that age they are very adaptable to new situation. Sure he may cry every now and then but he will learn to cope and the main thing is the value whatever time you spend with him.

If you do decide to split then you need to make the arrangements formals. Sad to say but people change and if she hooks up with someone, she would not be the first person to have made life difficult for an ex.

BTW, the whole her commenting on your old photos is a bit weird and troubling. Does not sound like she to make a go of it.

 

[speedy1234]

You've spent six years with this person, shared your life, shared you hopes, dreams seen each other at your best and your worst. Most importantly you have a great kid together. It would be crazy to think that you could switch off emotions for each with the flick of a switch.

As the others have said, don't mess about with this. If you both really think that its worth saving then you need to commit 100% to working out your problems, see a counseller if you think it will help but please don't get back together just for the sake of your son. He will now its not real and its not teaching him what a real relationship is like. He is 4 years old, at that age they are very adaptable to new situation. Sure he may cry every now and then but he will learn to cope and the main thing is the value whatever time you spend with him.

If you do decide to split then you need to make the arrangements formals. Sad to say but people change and if she hooks up with someone, she would not be the first person to have made life difficult for an ex.

QUOTE]spot on there with every word ....

 

[jammoboss]

Thanks all for you comments, i dont feel it would be the right thing to do to try and make it work, since removing her from fb and only txting or talking if its regarding my son, i feel alot better since i typed this up. I think it was just one of those days. I know i have done the right thing even if i deep down still have feelings for her, shes my childs mum you feel a different bond.

 

[jammoboss]

well thats a kick in the teeth. Last night i was out with mates, when i saw my now ex with another bloke. I have been great upto this point, i felt i moved on which i still feel i have but its not nice to see an ex especially the mother of my son with another bloke already.

The worst thing is she txt me saying, "he is a real man, had a fing great night, oh happy days i say". After that i just said im glad your getting on with your life, then she just come back with sly remarks.

It turned out harder than i thought but i need to just keep my mind of her for good.

anyone else seen there exs with other men after the split, what was your opinions?

 

[Evastar]

well thats a kick in the teeth. Last night i was out with mates, when i saw my now ex with another bloke. I have been great upto this point, i felt i moved on which i still feel i have but its not nice to see an ex especially the mother of my son with another bloke already.

The worst thing is she txt me saying, "he is a real man, had a fing great night, oh happy days i say". After that i just said im glad your getting on with your life, then she just come back with sly remarks.

It turned out harder than i thought but i need to just keep my mind of her for good.

anyone else seen there exs with other men after the split, what was your opinions?

Do you think she deliberately brought this guy to where you usually go? Sounds to me like she is trying to make you jealous.

It's tough and hard to deal with at the moment, but in the end will help you to move on more quickly.

 

[oneman]

I am thinking the same thing. She knows that it is a place that you regularly go to and she is just flaunting this guy in front of you. I know it very difficult but just ignore her, she is playing mind games and the best way to 'win' is to show her that you are above this.

 

[goldie]

mmmm... i agree with evastar about the jelousy bit. if she didnt think much of you and had moved on as it seems with a new fella, then she wouldnt bother with catty remarks in text, you did right thing saying good to see her gettin on with life, and didnt lower yourself to her level, as time goes on and you establish a routine in seeing your son, things will improve and you wont miss or worry about it so much. prob seems like a long dark tunnel at mo. a confusion of how you feel and how she reacts to things, but believe me your see a light at the end of it soon and your know yr doing right thing. i was married before for 18 years before plucked up courage to divorse him.time is a great healer, and life will get better for sure . i re married last year and life is most definately better !! best wishes .x