Corny 1 Liner Thread

[Sandra51]

A man and his wife are at a restaurant, and the husband keeps staring at a drunken lady swigging her gin at a nearby table. His wife asks, “Do you know her?”

“Yes,” sighs the husband. “She’s my ex-wife. She took to drinking right after we divorced seven years ago, and I hear she hasn’t been sober since.”

“My God!” says the wife. “Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?”

 

[Sandra51]

A man wakes up in a Brisbane hospital bandaged from head to foot.

The doctor comes in and says, "Ah, I see you've regained consciousness. Now you probably won't remember, but you were in a huge pile-up on the Bruce Highway. You're going to be ok; you'll walk again and your lungs will come good, but your penis was severed in the accident and we couldn't find it."

The man groans, but the doctor goes on,
"You have $9000 in insurance compensation coming and we now have the technology to build a new penis. They work great but they don't come cheap. It's roughly $1000 an inch."

The man perks up.

"So," the doctor says, "You must decide how many inches you want. I understand that you have been married for over thirty years and this is something you should discuss with your wife.
If you had a five incher before and get a nine incher now, she might be a bit put out. If you had a nine incher before and you decide to only invest in a five incher now, she might be disappointed. It's important that she plays a role in helping you make a decision"

The man agrees to talk it over with his wife.

The doctor comes into the man’s hospital ward the next day.

"So, have you spoken with your wife?"

"Yes I have," says the man.

"And has she helped you make a decision

"We're getting granite bench tops."

 

[Sandra51]

 

[CyborJaX]

A Man washed up on a Beach after a Shipwreck.
Only a Sheep and a Sheepdog were washed-up with him.
After looking around, he realised that they were stranded on a Deserted Island.
After being there a while, he got into the habit of taking his two animal companions to the Beach every evening to watch the Sunset.
One particular evening, the Sky was a fiery red with beautiful cirrus clouds, the breeze was warm and gentle - a perfect night for romance.
As they sat there, the Sheep started looking better and better to the lonely man. Soon, he leaned over to the Sheep and put his arm around it.
The Sheepdog, ever-protective of the Sheep, growled fiercely until the man took his arm from around the Sheep.
After that, the three of them continued to enjoy the Sunsets together, but there was no more cuddling.
A few weeks passed-by and, lo and behold, there was another Shipwreck.
The only survivor was Nicola Sturgeon.
That evening, the Man brought Nicola to the evening beach ritual. It was another beautiful evening - red sky cirrus clouds, a warm and gentle breeze perfect for a night of romance.
Pretty soon, the man started to get those feelings again.
He fought the urges as long as he could but he finally gave in and leaned over to Nicola and told her he hadn't had sex for months.
Nicola batted her Eyelashes and asked if there was anything she could do for him..????
He said,
"Nicola, can you please take the Dog for a Walk"

 

[CyborJaX]

 

[CyborJaX]

 

[CyborJaX]

 

[CyborJaX]

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[CyborJaX]

 

[Redgun71]

 

[Sandra51]

 

[silverdale]

 

[dar1437]

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[dar1437]

 

[Sandra51]

 

[dar1437]

 

[Sandra51]