Blonde Jokes
God and the Blonde
A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde were on their way to Heaven. God told them that the stairway to Heaven was 1000 steps, and that on every 5th step He would tell them a joke. He told them not to laugh at any of the jokes along the way or else they would not be able to enter Heaven. The brunette went first and started laughing on the 45th step, so she could not enter Heaven. The redhead went next and started laughing on the 200th step, so she could not enter Heaven either. Then, it was the blonde's turn. When she got to the 999th step, she started laughing. "Why are you laughing?" God asked. "I didn't tell a joke." "I know," the blonde replied. "I just got the first joke."
She is not a BLEACHED BLONDE - She is PEROXIDE DEPENDENT.
Blonde's Special Order
A brunette, a redhead and a blonde went to an ice cream parlor together. The brunette went up and asked for a Dr. Pepper float with no ice cream. The counter man was confused, but gave her a Dr. Pepper float with no ice cream. The redhead went up and asked for a single dip of vanilla ice cream with Pepsi poured over it. The man was really confused now. But he gave the redhead her order. The blonde was listening to the other two women and thought that she should have a ''special order'' too. So she went up and asked for an extra-large root beer with no roots.
Blonde Bird Question
The Bird Question A blonde named Pam is appearing on "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" with Regis Philbin. Regis: "Pam, you're up to $500,000 with one lifeline left: phone a friend. If you get it right, the next question is worth one million dollars. If you get it wrong, you drop back to $32,000. Are you ready?" Pam: "Yes." Regis: "Which of the following birds does not build its own nest? Is it A) robin, B) sparrow, C) cuckoo, or D) thrush." Pam: "I'd like to phone a friend. I'd like to call Carol." Carol (also a blonde) answers the phone: "Hello?" Regis: "Hello Carol, it's Regis Philbin from Who Wants to be a Millionaire. I have your friend Pam here who needs your help to answer the one million dollar question. The next voice you hear will be Pam's..." Pam: "Carol, which of the following birds does not build it's own nest? Is it A) robin, B) sparrow, C) cuckoo, or D) thrush." Carol: "Oh geez, Pam. That's simple. It's a cuckoo." Pam: "Are you sure?" Carol: "I'm sure." Regis: "Pam, you heard Carol. Do you keep the $500,000 or play for the million?" Pam: "I want to play; I'll go with C) cuckoo." Regis:" Is that your final answer?" Pam: "Yes." Regis: "Are you confident?" Pam: "Yes; I think Carol's pretty smart." Regis: "You said C) cuckoo... And you're right! Congratulations, you have just won ONE MILLION DOLLARS!" To celebrate, Pam flies Carol to New York. That night they go out on the town. As they're sipping champagne, Pam looks at Carol and asks her," Tell me, how did you know that it was the cuckoo that does not build its own nest?" "Pam, it was easy," replies her (blonde?) friend. "Everybody knows that cuckoos live in clocks."
Blonde guy
Did you hear about the blonde man who had 8 vasectomies? He had to.... his wife kept getting pregnant
Blonde Jokes
How can you tell if a blonde has been using the computer?
There is white-out on the monitor. How do you make a blonde's eyes twinkle?
Shine a flashlight in their ear. What does a blonde owl say?
What, what? Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence?
To see what was on the other side. Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?
From crawling across the street when the sign said "DON'T WALK". Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat?
In case she locks the keys in her car. Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills. Why did the blonde drive into the ditch?
To turn the blinker off. Why did the blonde try and steal a police car?
She saw "911" on the back and thought it was a Porsche. What does a blond and a beer bottle have in common?
They're both empty from the neck up. How do you get a blond out of a tree?
Wave What do peroxide blonds and black men have in common?
They both have black roots. Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?
Because on the box it said From 2-4 years. A blonde is walking down the street with a pig under her arm. She passes a person who asks "Where did you get that?"
The pig says, "I won her in a raffle!" A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces.
"Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces." How do you confuse a blonde?
Ask her to alphabetize a bag of M&Ms. Why does it work?
"Does 3 come before E or does it go between M and W?" Why did the blonde call the welfare office?
She wanted to know how to cook food stamps! Did you hear about the blond skydiver?
She missed the Earth! Where do blondes go to meet their relatives?
The vegetable garden. Did you hear about the blonde couple that were found frozen to death in their car at a drive-in movie theater?
They went to see "Closed for the Winter". Why is the blonde's brain the size of a pea in the morning?
It swells at night. What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents occur around the home?
She moved. What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty?
A blonde parade. Why is it okay for blondes to catch cold?
They don't have to worry about blowing their brains out. What do you call four Blondes in a Volkswagon?
Far-from-thinkin What happened to the blonde tap dancer?
She slipped off and fell down the drain. What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios?
"Oh look! Donut seeds!" What did the blonde name her pet zebra?
Spot. What's a blonds' favourite rock group?
Air Supply. Whats black and fuzzy and hangs from the ceiling?
A blond electrician. Why are dumb blonde jokes so short?
So brunettes can remember them. Did you hear about the blonde coyote?
Got stuck in a trap, chewed off three legs and was still stuck. When is it legal to shoot a blonde in the head?
When you have a tire pump to reinflate it! What is a blonde's favorite part of a gas station?
The Air Pump! What goes VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH?
A blonde going through a flashing red light. What is the definition of gross ignorance?
144 blondes.
Blonde Roots
"Blondes have more fun, don't they? They must. How many brunettes do you see walking down the street with blond roots?"
--Rita Rudner
Blonde's Windows
Last year I replaced several windows in my house. They were the expensive double-insulated energy efficient windows. This week I got a call from the contractor complaining that the work has been done for a year and I had failed to pay for them. Boy, oh boy, did we go round and round!. I told him no one pulls a fast one on this ol' lady. (Even though I am a senior citizen and I wasn't born a blonde, doesn't mean that I am automatically stupid!) I proceeded to tell him just what his salesman told me last year; "That in one year they would pay for themselves."
Short Blonde Jokes
1 . Why does it take longer to build a blonde snowman as opposed to a regular one? You have to hollow out the head. 2. Why won't they hire Blondes as pharmacists? They keep breaking the prescription bottles in the typewriters 3. Hear about the blonde that got an AM RADIO? It took her a month to realize she could play it at night. 4. What happened to the blonde Ice Hockey Team? They drowned in Spring Training. 5. Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence? To see what was on the other side. 6. How did the blonde die drinking milk? The cow stepped on her. 7. How did the blonde burn her nose? Bobbing for French fries. 8. Why do blondes have more fun? They are easier to amuse. 9. What do you call 20 blondes in a freezer? Frosted flakes. 10. Why can't blondes put in light bulbs? They keep breaking them with the hammer. 11. Did you hear about the blonde that shot an arrow in the air? She missed. 12. What is it when a blonde blows into another blondes ear? Data transfer. 13. Why did the blonde resolve to have only three children? Because she read that one child out of every four born was Chinese. 14. Why did the blonde put make-up on her forehead? She wanted everyone to know that she was able to make up her mind. 15. Why did the blonde ask her friends to save their burned-out light bulbs? She needed them for the darkroom she was building. 16. Why are the Japanese so smart? No blondes. 17. What is the biggest advantage to marrying a blonde? You get to park in the Handicapped Zone.
God and the Blonde
A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde were on their way to Heaven. God told them that the stairway to Heaven was 1000 steps, and that on every 5th step He would tell them a joke. He told them not to laugh at any of the jokes along the way or else they would not be able to enter Heaven. The brunette went first and started laughing on the 45th step, so she could not enter Heaven. The redhead went next and started laughing on the 200th step, so she could not enter Heaven either. Then, it was the blonde's turn. When she got to the 999th step, she started laughing. "Why are you laughing?" God asked. "I didn't tell a joke." "I know," the blonde replied. "I just got the first joke."
She is not a BLEACHED BLONDE - She is PEROXIDE DEPENDENT.
Blonde's Special Order
A brunette, a redhead and a blonde went to an ice cream parlor together. The brunette went up and asked for a Dr. Pepper float with no ice cream. The counter man was confused, but gave her a Dr. Pepper float with no ice cream. The redhead went up and asked for a single dip of vanilla ice cream with Pepsi poured over it. The man was really confused now. But he gave the redhead her order. The blonde was listening to the other two women and thought that she should have a ''special order'' too. So she went up and asked for an extra-large root beer with no roots.
Blonde Bird Question
The Bird Question A blonde named Pam is appearing on "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" with Regis Philbin. Regis: "Pam, you're up to $500,000 with one lifeline left: phone a friend. If you get it right, the next question is worth one million dollars. If you get it wrong, you drop back to $32,000. Are you ready?" Pam: "Yes." Regis: "Which of the following birds does not build its own nest? Is it A) robin, B) sparrow, C) cuckoo, or D) thrush." Pam: "I'd like to phone a friend. I'd like to call Carol." Carol (also a blonde) answers the phone: "Hello?" Regis: "Hello Carol, it's Regis Philbin from Who Wants to be a Millionaire. I have your friend Pam here who needs your help to answer the one million dollar question. The next voice you hear will be Pam's..." Pam: "Carol, which of the following birds does not build it's own nest? Is it A) robin, B) sparrow, C) cuckoo, or D) thrush." Carol: "Oh geez, Pam. That's simple. It's a cuckoo." Pam: "Are you sure?" Carol: "I'm sure." Regis: "Pam, you heard Carol. Do you keep the $500,000 or play for the million?" Pam: "I want to play; I'll go with C) cuckoo." Regis:" Is that your final answer?" Pam: "Yes." Regis: "Are you confident?" Pam: "Yes; I think Carol's pretty smart." Regis: "You said C) cuckoo... And you're right! Congratulations, you have just won ONE MILLION DOLLARS!" To celebrate, Pam flies Carol to New York. That night they go out on the town. As they're sipping champagne, Pam looks at Carol and asks her," Tell me, how did you know that it was the cuckoo that does not build its own nest?" "Pam, it was easy," replies her (blonde?) friend. "Everybody knows that cuckoos live in clocks."
Blonde guy
Did you hear about the blonde man who had 8 vasectomies? He had to.... his wife kept getting pregnant
Blonde Jokes
How can you tell if a blonde has been using the computer?
There is white-out on the monitor. How do you make a blonde's eyes twinkle?
Shine a flashlight in their ear. What does a blonde owl say?
What, what? Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence?
To see what was on the other side. Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?
From crawling across the street when the sign said "DON'T WALK". Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat?
In case she locks the keys in her car. Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills. Why did the blonde drive into the ditch?
To turn the blinker off. Why did the blonde try and steal a police car?
She saw "911" on the back and thought it was a Porsche. What does a blond and a beer bottle have in common?
They're both empty from the neck up. How do you get a blond out of a tree?
Wave What do peroxide blonds and black men have in common?
They both have black roots. Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?
Because on the box it said From 2-4 years. A blonde is walking down the street with a pig under her arm. She passes a person who asks "Where did you get that?"
The pig says, "I won her in a raffle!" A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces.
"Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces." How do you confuse a blonde?
Ask her to alphabetize a bag of M&Ms. Why does it work?
"Does 3 come before E or does it go between M and W?" Why did the blonde call the welfare office?
She wanted to know how to cook food stamps! Did you hear about the blond skydiver?
She missed the Earth! Where do blondes go to meet their relatives?
The vegetable garden. Did you hear about the blonde couple that were found frozen to death in their car at a drive-in movie theater?
They went to see "Closed for the Winter". Why is the blonde's brain the size of a pea in the morning?
It swells at night. What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents occur around the home?
She moved. What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty?
A blonde parade. Why is it okay for blondes to catch cold?
They don't have to worry about blowing their brains out. What do you call four Blondes in a Volkswagon?
Far-from-thinkin What happened to the blonde tap dancer?
She slipped off and fell down the drain. What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios?
"Oh look! Donut seeds!" What did the blonde name her pet zebra?
Spot. What's a blonds' favourite rock group?
Air Supply. Whats black and fuzzy and hangs from the ceiling?
A blond electrician. Why are dumb blonde jokes so short?
So brunettes can remember them. Did you hear about the blonde coyote?
Got stuck in a trap, chewed off three legs and was still stuck. When is it legal to shoot a blonde in the head?
When you have a tire pump to reinflate it! What is a blonde's favorite part of a gas station?
The Air Pump! What goes VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH?
A blonde going through a flashing red light. What is the definition of gross ignorance?
144 blondes.
Blonde Roots
"Blondes have more fun, don't they? They must. How many brunettes do you see walking down the street with blond roots?"
--Rita Rudner
Blonde's Windows
Last year I replaced several windows in my house. They were the expensive double-insulated energy efficient windows. This week I got a call from the contractor complaining that the work has been done for a year and I had failed to pay for them. Boy, oh boy, did we go round and round!. I told him no one pulls a fast one on this ol' lady. (Even though I am a senior citizen and I wasn't born a blonde, doesn't mean that I am automatically stupid!) I proceeded to tell him just what his salesman told me last year; "That in one year they would pay for themselves."
Short Blonde Jokes
1 . Why does it take longer to build a blonde snowman as opposed to a regular one? You have to hollow out the head. 2. Why won't they hire Blondes as pharmacists? They keep breaking the prescription bottles in the typewriters 3. Hear about the blonde that got an AM RADIO? It took her a month to realize she could play it at night. 4. What happened to the blonde Ice Hockey Team? They drowned in Spring Training. 5. Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence? To see what was on the other side. 6. How did the blonde die drinking milk? The cow stepped on her. 7. How did the blonde burn her nose? Bobbing for French fries. 8. Why do blondes have more fun? They are easier to amuse. 9. What do you call 20 blondes in a freezer? Frosted flakes. 10. Why can't blondes put in light bulbs? They keep breaking them with the hammer. 11. Did you hear about the blonde that shot an arrow in the air? She missed. 12. What is it when a blonde blows into another blondes ear? Data transfer. 13. Why did the blonde resolve to have only three children? Because she read that one child out of every four born was Chinese. 14. Why did the blonde put make-up on her forehead? She wanted everyone to know that she was able to make up her mind. 15. Why did the blonde ask her friends to save their burned-out light bulbs? She needed them for the darkroom she was building. 16. Why are the Japanese so smart? No blondes. 17. What is the biggest advantage to marrying a blonde? You get to park in the Handicapped Zone.
