Bitter husband says to his wife "On your headstone, I'll put 'COLD AS EVER!' "
Wife says to him "That’s okay, on yours I'll put 'STIFF AT LAST!' "
Why do men die first?
This is a question that has gone unanswered for centuries, but, now we know.
It requires a bit of explanation, first:
If you put a woman on a pedestal and try to protect her from the rat race ... you're a male chauvinist.
If you stay home and do the housework ... you're a pansy.
If you work too hard ... there's never any time for her.
If you don't work enough..... You’re a good-for-nothing bum.
If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay ... this is exploitation.
If you have a boring repetitive job with low pay..... You should get off your lazy behind and find something better.
If you get a promotion ahead of her ... that is favouritism.
If she gets a job ahead of you..... Its equal opportunity.
If you mention how nice she looks ... its sexual harassment.
If you keep quiet ...... its male indifference.
If you cry ... you're a wimp.
If you don't ...... you're an insensitive bastard.
If you make a decision without consulting her ...... you're a chauvinist.
If she makes a decision without consulting you, she's a liberated woman.
If you ask her to do something she doesn't enjoy ... that's domination.
If SHE asks you ... it's a favour.
If you appreciate the female form and frilly underwear ...... you're a pervert.
If you don't ... you're gay.
If you like a woman to shave her legs and keep in shape ... you're sexist.
If you don't ... you're unromantic.
If you try to keep yourself in shape ...... you're vain.
If you don't ... you're a slob.
If you buy her flowers ... you're after something.
If you don't ... you're not thoughtful.
If you're proud of your achievements ... you're full of yourself.
If you don't ... you're not ambitious.
If she has a headache ... she's tired.
If you have a headache ...... you don't love her anymore.
If you want it too often ... you're oversexed.
If you don't ... there must be someone else.
WHY DO MEN DIE FIRST...?
COS THEY WANT TO.....
Bit of a warning for the weekend.....
THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULTTO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
3. Passive-aggressive disorder
THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. No thanks, I'm married.
2. Nope, no more booze for me!
3. Sorry, but you're not really my type.
4. Doner Kebab? No thanks, I'm not hungry.
5. Good evening, officer. Isn't it lovely out tonight?
6. Oh, I couldn't! No one wants to hear me sing karaoke.
7. I'm not interested in fighting you.
8. Thank you, but I won't make any attempt to dance, I have no coordination. I'd hate to look like a fool!
9. Where is the nearest bathroom? I refuse to pee in this car park or on the side of the road.
10. I must be going home now, as I have to work in the morning.