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Corny 1 Liner Thread
- Thread starter dar1437
- Start date
An Irishman wants a job, but the boss won't hire him until he passes a little math test.
"Here is your first question." the boss said.
"Without using numbers, represent the number 9."
"Without numbers?" The Irishman says? "Dat is easy." And proceeds to draw three trees.
"What's this?" the Chairman asks.
"Have you ain't got no brain? Tree and tree plus tree makes 9" says the Irishman.
"Fair enough," says the Chair.
"Here's your second question.
Use the same rules, but this time the number is 99."
The Irishman stares into space for a while, then picks up the picture that he has just drawn and makes a little smudge on each tree... "Ere you go."
The Chair scratches his head and says, "How on earth do you get that to represent 99?"
"Each of da trees is dirty now. So, it's dirty tree, and dirty tree, plus dirty tree. Dat makes 99.
The boss is getting worried that he's going to actually have to hire this Irishman, so he says,
"All right, last question. Same rules again but represent the number 100."
The Irishman stares into space some more, then he picks up the picture again and makes a little mark at the base of each tree and says, "Ere you go. One hundred."
The Chair looks at the attempt. "You must be nuts if you think that represents a hundred!"
The Irishman leans forward and points to the marks at the base of each tree and whispers, "A little dog come along and poops by each tree. So now you got dirty tree and a turd, dirty tree and a turd, and dirty tree and a turd, which makes ONE HUNDRED!"
The Irishman got the job
"Here is your first question." the boss said.
"Without using numbers, represent the number 9."
"Without numbers?" The Irishman says? "Dat is easy." And proceeds to draw three trees.
"What's this?" the Chairman asks.
"Have you ain't got no brain? Tree and tree plus tree makes 9" says the Irishman.
"Fair enough," says the Chair.
"Here's your second question.
Use the same rules, but this time the number is 99."
The Irishman stares into space for a while, then picks up the picture that he has just drawn and makes a little smudge on each tree... "Ere you go."
The Chair scratches his head and says, "How on earth do you get that to represent 99?"
"Each of da trees is dirty now. So, it's dirty tree, and dirty tree, plus dirty tree. Dat makes 99.
The boss is getting worried that he's going to actually have to hire this Irishman, so he says,
"All right, last question. Same rules again but represent the number 100."
The Irishman stares into space some more, then he picks up the picture again and makes a little mark at the base of each tree and says, "Ere you go. One hundred."
The Chair looks at the attempt. "You must be nuts if you think that represents a hundred!"
The Irishman leans forward and points to the marks at the base of each tree and whispers, "A little dog come along and poops by each tree. So now you got dirty tree and a turd, dirty tree and a turd, and dirty tree and a turd, which makes ONE HUNDRED!"
The Irishman got the job
“If you want to know how old a woman is, ask her sister-in-law." (Eva Gabor)
- "Old age comes at a bad time." (Ed Sullivan)
- "Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened." (Stevie Wonder)I
- "Old age is like a plane flying through a storm. Once you are aboard, there is nothing you can do about it." (Golda Meir)
- "The older I get, the more clearly I remember things that never happened. (Mark Twain)
- "I’m at that age where my back goes out more than I do." (Phyllis Diller)
- "Nice to be here? At my age, it’s nice to be anywhere." (George Burns)
-"First you forget names, then you forget faces, then you forget to pull your zipper up; then, you forget to pull your zipper down." (Rob Reiner)
-“You spend 90 percent of your adult life hoping for a long rest and the last 10 percent trying to convince the Lord that you’re actually not THAT tired.” (Princess Grace)
-“Old people shouldn’t eat Health foods. They need all the preservatives they can get.” (Bob Hope)
-"At my age, flowers scare me." (George Burns)
-“It’s like you trade the virility of the body for the agility of the spirit.” (Ed Sullivan)
-"The years between 55 and 75 are the hardest. You are always being asked to do things, and yet you are not decrepit enough to turn them down." (T.S Elliot)
-"At age 20, we worry about what others think of us… at age 40, we don’t care what they think of us… at age 60, we discover they haven’t been thinking of us at all." (Ann Landers)
-"When I was young, I was called a rugged individualist. When I was in my fifties, I was considered eccentric. Here I am doing and saying the same things I did then, and I’m labeled senile." (Milton Berle)
-"The important thing to remember is that I’m probably going to forget." (Martin Scorsese)
-"We don’t grow older, we grow riper." (Pablo Picasso)
-“It’s paradoxical that the idea of living a long life appeals to everyone, but the idea of getting old doesn’t appeal to anyone.” - (Andy Rooney)
-“The older I get, the better I used to be.” (Lee Trevino)
-"I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a lot more as they get older, and then it dawned on me — they’re cramming for their final exam." (George Carlin)
-"Everything seems to slow down with age, except the time it takes cake and ice cream to reach your hips." (Elizabeth Taylor)
-"Grandchildren don’t make a man feel old, it’s the knowledge that he’s married to a grandmother that does." (Norman Vincent Peale)
-"When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it’s a sure sign you’re getting old." (Mark Twain)
-"You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks." (Dennis Quaid)
-"There’s one advantage to being 102, there’s no peer pressure." (Adam & Eve)
-"There are three stages in man’s Life: he believes in Santa Claus, he does not believe in Santa Claus, he is Santa Claus." (Leon Phillips)
-"Looking fifty is great — if you’re sixty." - (Joan Rivers)
-"Time may be a great Healer, but it's a lousy Beautician." (Zsa Zsa Gabor)
- "Old age comes at a bad time." (Ed Sullivan)
- "Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened." (Stevie Wonder)I
- "Old age is like a plane flying through a storm. Once you are aboard, there is nothing you can do about it." (Golda Meir)
- "The older I get, the more clearly I remember things that never happened. (Mark Twain)
- "I’m at that age where my back goes out more than I do." (Phyllis Diller)
- "Nice to be here? At my age, it’s nice to be anywhere." (George Burns)
-"First you forget names, then you forget faces, then you forget to pull your zipper up; then, you forget to pull your zipper down." (Rob Reiner)
-“You spend 90 percent of your adult life hoping for a long rest and the last 10 percent trying to convince the Lord that you’re actually not THAT tired.” (Princess Grace)
-“Old people shouldn’t eat Health foods. They need all the preservatives they can get.” (Bob Hope)
-"At my age, flowers scare me." (George Burns)
-“It’s like you trade the virility of the body for the agility of the spirit.” (Ed Sullivan)
-"The years between 55 and 75 are the hardest. You are always being asked to do things, and yet you are not decrepit enough to turn them down." (T.S Elliot)
-"At age 20, we worry about what others think of us… at age 40, we don’t care what they think of us… at age 60, we discover they haven’t been thinking of us at all." (Ann Landers)
-"When I was young, I was called a rugged individualist. When I was in my fifties, I was considered eccentric. Here I am doing and saying the same things I did then, and I’m labeled senile." (Milton Berle)
-"The important thing to remember is that I’m probably going to forget." (Martin Scorsese)
-"We don’t grow older, we grow riper." (Pablo Picasso)
-“It’s paradoxical that the idea of living a long life appeals to everyone, but the idea of getting old doesn’t appeal to anyone.” - (Andy Rooney)
-“The older I get, the better I used to be.” (Lee Trevino)
-"I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a lot more as they get older, and then it dawned on me — they’re cramming for their final exam." (George Carlin)
-"Everything seems to slow down with age, except the time it takes cake and ice cream to reach your hips." (Elizabeth Taylor)
-"Grandchildren don’t make a man feel old, it’s the knowledge that he’s married to a grandmother that does." (Norman Vincent Peale)
-"When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it’s a sure sign you’re getting old." (Mark Twain)
-"You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks." (Dennis Quaid)
-"There’s one advantage to being 102, there’s no peer pressure." (Adam & Eve)
-"There are three stages in man’s Life: he believes in Santa Claus, he does not believe in Santa Claus, he is Santa Claus." (Leon Phillips)
-"Looking fifty is great — if you’re sixty." - (Joan Rivers)
-"Time may be a great Healer, but it's a lousy Beautician." (Zsa Zsa Gabor)
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