The Beer Scooter Revealed

_Phat_

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THE BEER SCOOTER REVEALED

This story explains a lot of things...

How many times have you woken up in the morning after a hard night
drinking
and thought 'How on earth did I get home?'

As hard as you try, you cannot piece together your return journey from
the
pub to your house.

The answer to this puzzle is that you used a Beer Scooter.

The Beer Scooter is a mythical form of transport, owned and leased to
the
drunk by Bacchus the Roman god of wine. Bacchus has acquired a large
batch
of these magical devices.

The Beer Scooter works in the following fashion:
The passenger reaches a certain level of drunkenness and the "slurring
gland" begins to give off a pheromone. Bacchus or one of his many
sub-contractors detects this pheromone and sends down a winged Beer
Scooter. The scooter scoops up the passenger and deposits them in their
bedroom via a Trans-Dimensional Portal. This is not cheap to run, so a
large
portion of the passenger's in-pocket cash is taken as payment.
This answers the second question after a night out 'How did I spend so
much
money?' Unfortunately, Beer Scooters have a poor safety record and are
thought to be responsible for over 90% of all UDI (Unidentified
Drinking
Injuries).

An undocumented feature of the beer scooter is the destruction of time
segments during the trip. The nature of Trans-Dimensional Portals
dictates
that time will be lost, seemingly unaccounted for. This answers a third
question after a night out 'What the hell happened?'

With good intentions, Bacchus opted for the REMIT (Removal of
Embarrassing
Moments In Time) add on, that automatically removes, in descending
order,
those parts in time regretted most. Unfortunately one person's REMIT is
not
necessarily the REMIT of another and quite often lost time is regained
in
discussions over a period of time.

Independent studies have also shown that Beer Goggles often cause the
scooter's navigation system to malfunction thus sending the passenger
to the
wrong bedroom, often with horrific consequences.

With recent models including a GPS, Bacchus made an investment in a
scooter
drive-thru chain specializing in half eaten kebabs and pizza crusts.
Another
question answered!!

For the family man, Beer Scooters come equipped with flowers picked
from
other people's garden and Thump-A-Lot boots (Patent Pending). These
boots
are designed in such a way that no matter how quietly you tip-toe up
the
stairs, you are sure to wake up your other half. Special anti-gravity
springs ensure that you bump into every wall in the house and the CTSGS
(Coffee Table Seeking Guidance System) explains the bruised shins.

The final add-on Bacchus saw fit to invest in for some scooters is the
TAS
(Tobacco Absorption System). This explains how one person can
apparently get
through 260 Marlboro Lights in a single night.

Don't forget the on-board heater, which allows you to comfortably get
home
from the pub in sub-zero temperatures, wearing just a T-shirt.
 

fspm

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quality mate, where the hell did you get that
 

Teeny

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Excellent, i've sent this onto my brother, this should answer all his questions on the morning after.....lol.
 
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