BRIAN1956
DW Joke King
All about logic.
Two builders (Chris and James) are seated either side of a table in a rough pub when a well-dressed man enters, orders a beer and sits on a stool at the bar.
The two builders start to speculate about the occupation of the suit.
Chris: -I reckon he's an accountant.
James: -No way - he's a stockbroker.
Chris: -He ain't no stockbroker! A stockbroker wouldn't come in here!
The argument repeats itself for some time until the volume of beer gets the better of Chris and he makes for the toilet.
On entering the toilet he sees that the suit is standing at a urinal.
Curiosity and the several beers get the better of the builder...
Chris: -Scuse me.... no offence meant, but me and me mate were wondering what you do for a living?
Suit: -No offence taken! I'm a Logical Scientist by profession!
Chris: -Oh! What's that then?
Suit:-I'll try to explain by example... Do you have a goldfish at home?
Chris:-Er...mmm... well yeah, I do as it happens!
Suit: -Well, it's logical to follow that you keep it in a bowl or in a pond.
Which is it?
Chris: -It's in a pond!
Suit: -Well then it's reasonable to suppose that you have a large garden then?
Chris: -As it happens, yes I have got a big garden!
Suit: -Well then it's logical to assume that in this town that if you have a large garden that you have a large house?
Chris: -As it happens I've got a five bedroom house... built it myself!
Suit: -Well given that you've built a five bedroom house it is logical to assume that you haven't built it just for yourself and that you are quite probably married?
Chris: -Yes I am married, I live with my wife and three children!
Suit: -Well then it is logical to assume that you are sexually active with your wife on a regular basis?
Chris:-Yep! Four nights a week!
Suit: -Well then it is logical to suggest that you do not masturbate very often?
Chris: -Me? Never
Suit: -Well there you are! That's logical science at work!
Chris:-How's that then?
Suit: -Well from finding out that you had a goldfish, I've told you about the size of garden you have, the size of house, your family and your sex life!
Chris: -I see! That's pretty impressive... thanks mate!
Both leave the toilet and Chris returns to his mate.
James: -I see the suit was in there. Did you ask him what he does?
Chris: -Yep! He's a logical scientist!
James: -What's that then?
Chris: -I'll try and explain. Do you have a goldfish?
James: -Nope
Chris: -Well then, you're a w a n k e r.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There were three black ladies getting ready to take a plane trip for the first time.
The first lady said,
'I don't know bout y'al but I'm gunna wear me sum hot pink panties beefo I gets on dat plane.'
'Why you gonna wear dem fo?' the other two asked.
The first replied,
'Cause, if dat plane goes down and I 'm out dare laying butt-up in a corn field, dey gonna find me first.'
The second lady said,
'Well, I'm a-gonna wear me some floe esant orange panties.'
'Why you gonna wear dem?' the others asked.
The second lady answered,
'Cause if dis hare plane is goin' down and I be floating butt-up in the oshun, dey can see me first.'
The third old lady says,
'Well, I'm not gonna wear any panties.....'
'What? No panties?' the others asked in disbelief.
The third lady says
'Dat's right girlfriends, you hears me right.
I ain't wearin' any panties, cause if dis plane goes down, honey,
dey always look fo da black box first.'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Harry is getting along in years and finds that he is unable to perform sexually.
He finally goes to his doctor, who tries a few things but nothing seems to work.
So the doctor refers him to an American Indian medicine man.
The medicine man says, 'I can cure this.'
That said, he throws a white powder into a flame, and there is a flash with billowing blue smoke.
Then he says, 'This is powerful medicine.
You can only use it once a year.
All you have to do is say '123' and it shall rise for as long as you wish!'
The guy then asks, 'What happens when it's over, and I don't want to continue?'
The medicine man replies: 'All you or your partner have to say is 1234,
and it will go down.
But be warned--it will not work again for another year!'
Harry rushes home, eager to try out his new powers and prowess.
That night he is ready to surprise Joyce.
He showers, shaves, and puts on his most exotic shaving lotion.
He gets into bed, and lying next to her says, '123.'
He suddenly becomes more aroused than anytime in his life ... just as the medicine man had promised.
Joyce, who had been facing away, turns over and asks,
'What did you say 123 for?'
And that, my friends, is why you shouldn't end a sentence with a preposition.
Two builders (Chris and James) are seated either side of a table in a rough pub when a well-dressed man enters, orders a beer and sits on a stool at the bar.
The two builders start to speculate about the occupation of the suit.
Chris: -I reckon he's an accountant.
James: -No way - he's a stockbroker.
Chris: -He ain't no stockbroker! A stockbroker wouldn't come in here!
The argument repeats itself for some time until the volume of beer gets the better of Chris and he makes for the toilet.
On entering the toilet he sees that the suit is standing at a urinal.
Curiosity and the several beers get the better of the builder...
Chris: -Scuse me.... no offence meant, but me and me mate were wondering what you do for a living?
Suit: -No offence taken! I'm a Logical Scientist by profession!
Chris: -Oh! What's that then?
Suit:-I'll try to explain by example... Do you have a goldfish at home?
Chris:-Er...mmm... well yeah, I do as it happens!
Suit: -Well, it's logical to follow that you keep it in a bowl or in a pond.
Which is it?
Chris: -It's in a pond!
Suit: -Well then it's reasonable to suppose that you have a large garden then?
Chris: -As it happens, yes I have got a big garden!
Suit: -Well then it's logical to assume that in this town that if you have a large garden that you have a large house?
Chris: -As it happens I've got a five bedroom house... built it myself!
Suit: -Well given that you've built a five bedroom house it is logical to assume that you haven't built it just for yourself and that you are quite probably married?
Chris: -Yes I am married, I live with my wife and three children!
Suit: -Well then it is logical to assume that you are sexually active with your wife on a regular basis?
Chris:-Yep! Four nights a week!
Suit: -Well then it is logical to suggest that you do not masturbate very often?
Chris: -Me? Never
Suit: -Well there you are! That's logical science at work!
Chris:-How's that then?
Suit: -Well from finding out that you had a goldfish, I've told you about the size of garden you have, the size of house, your family and your sex life!
Chris: -I see! That's pretty impressive... thanks mate!
Both leave the toilet and Chris returns to his mate.
James: -I see the suit was in there. Did you ask him what he does?
Chris: -Yep! He's a logical scientist!
James: -What's that then?
Chris: -I'll try and explain. Do you have a goldfish?
James: -Nope
Chris: -Well then, you're a w a n k e r.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There were three black ladies getting ready to take a plane trip for the first time.
The first lady said,
'I don't know bout y'al but I'm gunna wear me sum hot pink panties beefo I gets on dat plane.'
'Why you gonna wear dem fo?' the other two asked.
The first replied,
'Cause, if dat plane goes down and I 'm out dare laying butt-up in a corn field, dey gonna find me first.'
The second lady said,
'Well, I'm a-gonna wear me some floe esant orange panties.'
'Why you gonna wear dem?' the others asked.
The second lady answered,
'Cause if dis hare plane is goin' down and I be floating butt-up in the oshun, dey can see me first.'
The third old lady says,
'Well, I'm not gonna wear any panties.....'
'What? No panties?' the others asked in disbelief.
The third lady says
'Dat's right girlfriends, you hears me right.
I ain't wearin' any panties, cause if dis plane goes down, honey,
dey always look fo da black box first.'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Harry is getting along in years and finds that he is unable to perform sexually.
He finally goes to his doctor, who tries a few things but nothing seems to work.
So the doctor refers him to an American Indian medicine man.
The medicine man says, 'I can cure this.'
That said, he throws a white powder into a flame, and there is a flash with billowing blue smoke.
Then he says, 'This is powerful medicine.
You can only use it once a year.
All you have to do is say '123' and it shall rise for as long as you wish!'
The guy then asks, 'What happens when it's over, and I don't want to continue?'
The medicine man replies: 'All you or your partner have to say is 1234,
and it will go down.
But be warned--it will not work again for another year!'
Harry rushes home, eager to try out his new powers and prowess.
That night he is ready to surprise Joyce.
He showers, shaves, and puts on his most exotic shaving lotion.
He gets into bed, and lying next to her says, '123.'
He suddenly becomes more aroused than anytime in his life ... just as the medicine man had promised.
Joyce, who had been facing away, turns over and asks,
'What did you say 123 for?'
And that, my friends, is why you shouldn't end a sentence with a preposition.
