Baaheeduk
Inactive User
- Joined
- Apr 15, 2006
- Messages
- 6,479
- Reaction score
- 151
I'm not normally suspicious but the wife told me yesterday that Gavin from Autoglass came round and injected that special resin into her crack.....she hasn't even got a car!!
I hate crushing pills up and putting them in my Gran's dinner. I feel sneaky, but if I ever got her pregnant I wouldn't be able to forgive myself.
Matt Lucas's expartner hanged himself this week. Matt is said to be distraught but on a lighter note, is now the only gay in the village.
A little girl walks into her parents' bedroom.
" Holy F**k" she screams "And YOU want ME to see a doctor about sucking my thumb....!!
Wee Irish boy crying by the side of the road.
A man asks "What's wrong?"
Boy says "Me Ma is dead"
"Oh bejaysus" the man says "Do you want me to get Father O'Riley ?"
Wee boy replies "No thanks Mister, sex is the last ting on me moind roight now."
Once upon a time a guy asked a girl "Will you marry me?" . The girl said "No" and she lived happily ever after. She went shopping, drank vodka with friends, always had a clean house, never had to cook, had a wardrobe full of shoes and bags, stayed skinny and was never farted upon. The End.
Just had a call from a charity asking me to donate some of my clothes to the starving people of the world. Told them to " F**k Off". Anyone who fits into my clothes isn't starving!!!
Paddy's wife goes to the Dr complaining that after 10 years of marriage she'd never had an orgasm. The Dr advised her to relax and to use a fan to keep cool during sex.
Paddy refused to pay for a fan and asked his mate if he would mind waving a towel while they made love but still she didn't orgasm.
Next day she asked Paddy if they could swap over. So Paddy's mate made love to her and after 20 minutes of the best mind blowing sex she had ever had she had her first orgasm.
Paddy looked at his mate and said " And that my old son, is how to wave a f**king towel'.
Japanese scientists have now created a digital camera with such a fast speed that it's now possible to take a photograph of a woman with her gob shut.
Turned on my SatNav and it said 'Bear Left' and there was the zoo. How good is that?
I hate all this terrorist business. I used to love the days when you could look at an unattended bag on the train or bus and think " I'm f**king having that!"
Man lost in a hot air balloon over Ireland. He looks down and sees a farmer and shouts to him, "Where am I?"
The Irish farmer looks up and shouts back "You can't kid me ya bastard, you're in that feckin basket!"
I hate crushing pills up and putting them in my Gran's dinner. I feel sneaky, but if I ever got her pregnant I wouldn't be able to forgive myself.
Matt Lucas's expartner hanged himself this week. Matt is said to be distraught but on a lighter note, is now the only gay in the village.
A little girl walks into her parents' bedroom.
" Holy F**k" she screams "And YOU want ME to see a doctor about sucking my thumb....!!
Wee Irish boy crying by the side of the road.
A man asks "What's wrong?"
Boy says "Me Ma is dead"
"Oh bejaysus" the man says "Do you want me to get Father O'Riley ?"
Wee boy replies "No thanks Mister, sex is the last ting on me moind roight now."
Once upon a time a guy asked a girl "Will you marry me?" . The girl said "No" and she lived happily ever after. She went shopping, drank vodka with friends, always had a clean house, never had to cook, had a wardrobe full of shoes and bags, stayed skinny and was never farted upon. The End.
Just had a call from a charity asking me to donate some of my clothes to the starving people of the world. Told them to " F**k Off". Anyone who fits into my clothes isn't starving!!!
Paddy's wife goes to the Dr complaining that after 10 years of marriage she'd never had an orgasm. The Dr advised her to relax and to use a fan to keep cool during sex.
Paddy refused to pay for a fan and asked his mate if he would mind waving a towel while they made love but still she didn't orgasm.
Next day she asked Paddy if they could swap over. So Paddy's mate made love to her and after 20 minutes of the best mind blowing sex she had ever had she had her first orgasm.
Paddy looked at his mate and said " And that my old son, is how to wave a f**king towel'.
Japanese scientists have now created a digital camera with such a fast speed that it's now possible to take a photograph of a woman with her gob shut.
Turned on my SatNav and it said 'Bear Left' and there was the zoo. How good is that?
I hate all this terrorist business. I used to love the days when you could look at an unattended bag on the train or bus and think " I'm f**king having that!"
Man lost in a hot air balloon over Ireland. He looks down and sees a farmer and shouts to him, "Where am I?"
The Irish farmer looks up and shouts back "You can't kid me ya bastard, you're in that feckin basket!"
