Shocking discovery in Manchester

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Police in Manchester last night announced the discovery of an arms cache of 2,000 semi-automatic rifles with 250,000 rounds of ammunition, 10 anti-tank missiles, 4 grenade launchers, 20 tonnes of heroin, £50 million in forged UK banknotes and 25 trafficked Ukrainian prostitutes, all in a semi-detached house behind the Public Library in the city centre. Local residents were stunned.

A community spokesman said: "We're deeply shocked. We never knew we had a library!"