Brazil World Cup England squad of excuses
England manager Roy Hodgson has ended speculation by revealing the 23 excuses he plans to use for England’s failure at the World Cup.
The list of excuses will be expected to maintain a modecum of respect for the team following their inevitable early exit from the competition.
Hodgson told reporters at the unveiling, “We are away for a couple of weeks, so it’s important I give myself a full range of excuses to choose from, depending on what the tournament throws at us.”
“Flexibility is key, and though I’ve gone for trusted excuses such as cheating foreigners and lack of english players in the premier league, I’ve called up a couple of new ones in media intrusion and ‘inexperience’.”
“They might not have proven themselves at international level, but I know they will do a job if required.”
England squad revealed
Fans have reacted with a mixture of surprise and frustration at the squad of excuses, and debate has raged between them over which excuses should be on the plane to Brazil.
England supporter Simon Williams told us, “It’s not a bad squad, but I think taking three Theo Walcott excuses is overkill, you just need a couple, and that means he’s had to leave a couple of promising excuses at home.”
“My mate Dave said he should have taken a wildcard, like the ‘Illuminati’, or ‘Aliens’ – but he supports Birmingham City, so what does he know.”
That excuse list in full:
The temperature was too hot
The temperature wasn’t as hot as we’d planned
The hotel was too isolated
The hotel was too central and busy
Inexperience
Too much experience
Homesickness
Media intrusion
Theo Walcott injury
Andros Townsend injury
Kyle Walker injury
No Theo Walcott
Lack of Chris Smalling injury
Influx of premier league foreigners
Too many Premier League games
‘Silly mistakes’ on the pitch
Cheating foreigners robbing our brave boys
WAGs
Theo Walcott wasn’t there
Local food wasn’t right
The Internet
John Terry texting a player’s girlfriend
“I got it wrong”
England manager Roy Hodgson has ended speculation by revealing the 23 excuses he plans to use for England’s failure at the World Cup.
The list of excuses will be expected to maintain a modecum of respect for the team following their inevitable early exit from the competition.
Hodgson told reporters at the unveiling, “We are away for a couple of weeks, so it’s important I give myself a full range of excuses to choose from, depending on what the tournament throws at us.”
“Flexibility is key, and though I’ve gone for trusted excuses such as cheating foreigners and lack of english players in the premier league, I’ve called up a couple of new ones in media intrusion and ‘inexperience’.”
“They might not have proven themselves at international level, but I know they will do a job if required.”
England squad revealed
Fans have reacted with a mixture of surprise and frustration at the squad of excuses, and debate has raged between them over which excuses should be on the plane to Brazil.
England supporter Simon Williams told us, “It’s not a bad squad, but I think taking three Theo Walcott excuses is overkill, you just need a couple, and that means he’s had to leave a couple of promising excuses at home.”
“My mate Dave said he should have taken a wildcard, like the ‘Illuminati’, or ‘Aliens’ – but he supports Birmingham City, so what does he know.”
That excuse list in full:
The temperature was too hot
The temperature wasn’t as hot as we’d planned
The hotel was too isolated
The hotel was too central and busy
Inexperience
Too much experience
Homesickness
Media intrusion
Theo Walcott injury
Andros Townsend injury
Kyle Walker injury
No Theo Walcott
Lack of Chris Smalling injury
Influx of premier league foreigners
Too many Premier League games
‘Silly mistakes’ on the pitch
Cheating foreigners robbing our brave boys
WAGs
Theo Walcott wasn’t there
Local food wasn’t right
The Internet
John Terry texting a player’s girlfriend
“I got it wrong”
