BRIAN1956
DW Joke King
A Wee Scottish Tale.
A man is cupping his hand to scoop water from a Highland burn.
A Gamekeeper shouts,
'Dinnae drink thon waater! It's foo ae coo's keech an' pish!'
The man replies,
'My Good fellow, I'm English. Could you repeat that in English for me.'
The keeper replies,
'I said, use two hands - you spill less that way!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A travelling salesman drove into a small town where a circus was playing.
A sign read:
"Don't Miss The Amazing Irishman."
The salesman bought a ticket and sat down.
There, under The Big Top, in the centre ring, was a table with three walnuts on it.
Standing next to it was a middle aged Irishman.
Suddenly, the Irishman dropped his pants, whipped out his huge male member and smashed all the walnuts with three mighty swings!
The crowd erupted in applause and the Irishman was carried off on their shoulders.
Fifteen years later the salesman visited the same little town, found the same circus and saw the same faded sign that read,
"Don't Miss The Amazing Irishman "
He couldn't believe the old guy was still alive, much less still doing his act! He bought a ticket.
Again, the centre ring was illuminated.
This time, however, instead of walnuts, three coconuts were placed on the table.
The Irishman stood before them, then suddenly dropped his pants and smashed the coconuts with three swings of his amazing member.
The crowd went wild!
Flabbergasted, the salesman requested a meeting with him after the show.
"You're incredible!" he told the Irishman, "but I have to know something.
I saw your act 15 years ago and you were using walnuts.
Why the switch from walnuts to coconuts?"
"Well," said the Irishman,
"My eyes aren't what they used to be."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two secretaries, a blonde and a brunette were riding down in the elevator from the top of their skyscraper.
A handsome hunk gets on the elevator.
The ladies are checking him out when the brunette comments that he has dandruff,
"Someone should give him some 'Head and Shoulders'."
The blonde looks at the brunette and asks,
"How do you give shoulders?"
A man is cupping his hand to scoop water from a Highland burn.
A Gamekeeper shouts,
'Dinnae drink thon waater! It's foo ae coo's keech an' pish!'
The man replies,
'My Good fellow, I'm English. Could you repeat that in English for me.'
The keeper replies,
'I said, use two hands - you spill less that way!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A travelling salesman drove into a small town where a circus was playing.
A sign read:
"Don't Miss The Amazing Irishman."
The salesman bought a ticket and sat down.
There, under The Big Top, in the centre ring, was a table with three walnuts on it.
Standing next to it was a middle aged Irishman.
Suddenly, the Irishman dropped his pants, whipped out his huge male member and smashed all the walnuts with three mighty swings!
The crowd erupted in applause and the Irishman was carried off on their shoulders.
Fifteen years later the salesman visited the same little town, found the same circus and saw the same faded sign that read,
"Don't Miss The Amazing Irishman "
He couldn't believe the old guy was still alive, much less still doing his act! He bought a ticket.
Again, the centre ring was illuminated.
This time, however, instead of walnuts, three coconuts were placed on the table.
The Irishman stood before them, then suddenly dropped his pants and smashed the coconuts with three swings of his amazing member.
The crowd went wild!
Flabbergasted, the salesman requested a meeting with him after the show.
"You're incredible!" he told the Irishman, "but I have to know something.
I saw your act 15 years ago and you were using walnuts.
Why the switch from walnuts to coconuts?"
"Well," said the Irishman,
"My eyes aren't what they used to be."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two secretaries, a blonde and a brunette were riding down in the elevator from the top of their skyscraper.
A handsome hunk gets on the elevator.
The ladies are checking him out when the brunette comments that he has dandruff,
"Someone should give him some 'Head and Shoulders'."
The blonde looks at the brunette and asks,
"How do you give shoulders?"
