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Quickies (Some Adult)

BRIAN1956

DW Joke King
Joined
Oct 3, 2007
Messages
76
Likes
17
#1
My dog jumped in the washing machine yesterday. Don't worry, at least he died in comfort.
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The wife's not speaking to me, all because I wouldn't open the car door for her...it's not my fault,
I just f##cking panicked and swam to the surface!
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My mate is addicted to brake fluid.
But he reckons he can stop at any time.
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One
How many psychics does it take to change a lightbulb ?
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The husband had just finished reading the book, 'MAN OF THE HOUSE'.

He stormed into the kitchen and walked directly up to his wife.

Pointing a finger in her face, he said,

"From now on, I want you to know that I am the man of this house, and my word is law!

I want you to prepare me a gourmet meal tonight,

and when I'm finished eating my meal, I expect a sumptuous dessert afterward.

Then, after dinner, you are going to draw me my bath so I can relax.

And when I'm finished with my bath, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?"

His wife replied, "The f##king funeral director would be my guess?!"
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An Amish woman and her daughter were riding in an old buggy one cold blustery day.

The daughter said to her mother, "My hands are freezing cold."

The mother replied, "Put them between your legs. Your body heat will warm them up."

So the daughter did and her hands warmed up.

The next day the daughter was riding with her boyfriend and the boyfriend said

"My hands are freezing cold."

The girl said "Put them between my legs, the warmth of my body will warm them up".

So he did and warmed his hands.

The following day the boyfriend was again in the buggy with the daughter.

He said "My nose is cold."

The girl replied "Put it between my legs, the warmth of my body will warm it up."

So he did and his nose began to get warm.

He lifted his head up from between the girls legs and said

"Do you know what? I think my penis is frozen solid"

The following day the daughter was driving in the buggy with her mother, and she says to her mother,

"Have you ever heard of a penis?"

Slightly concerned the mother said,

"Why, yes. Why do you ask?"

The daughter replies,

"Well they make one hell of a mess when they defrost, don't they?"