More England Jokes


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Jun 30, 2007
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Getting sunburnt in SoCal
Just copy/paste from the email I got today.

Handy that Blackpool are in the Premier League this season. It's the only chance these England players will get at going in an open-top bus.

Three hours of football and Robert Green is still England's top scorer.

In honour of England's display against Germany, we're unveiling a new national flag. It's the same design as before but without the red cross.

What's the difference between Wayne Rooney and Shrek? Shrek can save the day.

What's the difference between the England team and a tea bag? The tea bag stays in the cup longer.

I'm shocked at Wayne Rooney's outburst after the Algeria game. Who knew he could even string a sentence together!

What do you call an Englishman in the quarter finals of the World Cup? A referee.

I can't believe we only managed a draw against a rubbish team we should easily have beaten. . . . I'm ashamed to call myself Algerian

What's the difference between a faulty jet engine and Wayne Rooney? The jet engine eventually stops whining.

Apparently that fan had no trouble slipping into the England dressing room – Robert Green was guarding the door

The England team went to visit a South African orphanage. "It was good to put a smile on the faces of people who have no hope and are constantly struggling," said Joseph Umboto, aged six.

Police have charged the man who entered the England dressing room with trespassing. Twenty-three others have been charged with impersonating a footballer.

Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs are having tea in their cottage when there is a gas explosion. When the fire brigade turn up they hear a voice in the rubble saying "England can still win the World Cup." "Thank heavens," says a fireman. "At least Dopey is still alive."

2 children who were taken in by the courts as their parents were divorced so the judge had to find out who they wanted to stay with
they asked the 2 kids aged 11 and 12 if they want to stay with the mother they said NO she beats us alot and we cant stay with her.
ok so you can go to your father NO he beats us even worse we cannot stay with him,
ok do you want to go to your grandparents or aunts and uncles NO they will beat us too
Okay where do you want to go?
can we go and stay with the english football team please as we know they don't beat anyone

Was in the supermarket looking stock cubes I saw beef chicken lamb and England
I called the shop assistant what's is the England one he replied it's a laughing stock

Fabio Capello told Wayne Rooney to have a long look at himself in the mirror. Like that's going to improve his confidence.

Kermit was right: It's not easy being Green.

All these Rob Green jokes are getting out of hand. In fact they're crossing the line...

The England lads had a get-together after the Algeria game and bought Robert Green a drink to commiserate. He spilled it.

Steven Gerrard said: "The whole team is behind Rob Green." With hindsight, that's a good place to stand.

Robert Green's bringing out his own South African trumpet. It's known as a boo-boozela

Breaking news on sky sports news: England to receive heroes welcome home
The plane has been diverted to Cardiff

Fabio Capello was wheeling his shopping trolley across the supermarket car park when he noticed an old lady struggling with her bags of shopping. He stopped and asked, "Can you manage dear?" To which the old lady replied, "No way. You got yourself into this mess, don't ask me to sort it out!"