stewartthemole
Inactive User
IF EASILY OFFENDED PLEASE CLICK YOUR BACK BUTTON NOW !!!!!
A charity pantomime in aid of Paranoid Schizophrenics & Homosexuals descended into chaos yesterday when somebody shouted "He's behind you!"
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I was round at my new girlfriend's for dinner the other day.. as she was cooking, she asked me to turn the veg on..
Apparently, fingering her disabled sister in her wheelchair wasn't the right thing to do...
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Scientists have found that women have the same DNA as shrimps. Their heads are full of shit, but their pink bits taste fecking lovely!
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In Belfast a Catholic woman was shot in the f^nny this morning. Later a protestant woman was shot in the breast.
Police think it may be a Tit 4 Twat shooting!!
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The BBC have announced a new character for Top Gear. A mysterious black man will go around stealing very fast cars... We don't know much about him-Some say he's never worked a day in his life and lives off benefits and handouts . Some say he knows every loophole in the system and will cry racism at every chance. All we know is he's called The Nig.
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Bored ???
Get three pigs and label them one, two and four then let them loose in a mosque and watch as everyone goes crazy trying to find number three.
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A wee boy asks his dad 'whats a transvestite?' His dad replies 'ask your mum. He'll explain it better than me'.
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Shortly after our divorce my former wife sadly passed away, but at her cremation I think I might have upset my previous in-laws by singing to Kings of Leon
:"Woooaaah, My ex is on fire"
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My wife says the hardest thing in the world is to balance a career & a family. She's obviously never tried to balance a laptop on her knees while having a w^nk
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My wife asked me if she pleased me in bed?
I said yes, I love that trick you do with your mouth, "what trick?" she asks.
The one where you shut the feck up and go to sleep!
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Man naked, looks in the mirror and says to wife "why do i always get a hard on when i look at myself?" wife says "coz even yer c*ck thinks yer a f^nny"
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With hindsight I should have posted my facebook status as;
"I have blown the head gasket on my 1998 XR3i"
rather than,
"I've just fecked a 13 year old escort".
Still the police eventually saw the funny side!
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Mick is in court for a double murder. The judge says "you are charged with beating your wife to death with a hammer.'' Man at the back of the courtroom yells out "c*nt!" The room goes silent, the judge continues "you are also charged with beating your wife's lover to death with a hammer." Again the man yells out "you fecking c*nt!" The judge having enough, looks at the man and says "sir, I can understand your anger at this crime but I will have no more outbursts, if you have anything to say, say it now". The man gets up and says "for 15 years I lived next door to that b^stard & everytime I asked to borrow a feckin hammer he said he didn't have one!!!"
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Man pulls wife into bedroom and rips off her clothes and says. "Now do a handstand against the full length mirror". "Hmm" she thinks "kinky.... i like it". She does a handstand and her hubby pulls her legs apart and puts his chin on her muff. "The boys in the pub were right," he says. "A goatie would suit me!"
See you all after my bans lifted LOL
A charity pantomime in aid of Paranoid Schizophrenics & Homosexuals descended into chaos yesterday when somebody shouted "He's behind you!"
.
.
.
.
I was round at my new girlfriend's for dinner the other day.. as she was cooking, she asked me to turn the veg on..
Apparently, fingering her disabled sister in her wheelchair wasn't the right thing to do...
.
.
.
.
Scientists have found that women have the same DNA as shrimps. Their heads are full of shit, but their pink bits taste fecking lovely!
.
.
.
.
In Belfast a Catholic woman was shot in the f^nny this morning. Later a protestant woman was shot in the breast.
Police think it may be a Tit 4 Twat shooting!!
.
.
.
.
The BBC have announced a new character for Top Gear. A mysterious black man will go around stealing very fast cars... We don't know much about him-Some say he's never worked a day in his life and lives off benefits and handouts . Some say he knows every loophole in the system and will cry racism at every chance. All we know is he's called The Nig.
.
.
.
.
Bored ???
Get three pigs and label them one, two and four then let them loose in a mosque and watch as everyone goes crazy trying to find number three.
.
.
.
.
A wee boy asks his dad 'whats a transvestite?' His dad replies 'ask your mum. He'll explain it better than me'.
.
.
.
.
Shortly after our divorce my former wife sadly passed away, but at her cremation I think I might have upset my previous in-laws by singing to Kings of Leon
:"Woooaaah, My ex is on fire"
.
.
.
.
My wife says the hardest thing in the world is to balance a career & a family. She's obviously never tried to balance a laptop on her knees while having a w^nk
.
.
.
.
My wife asked me if she pleased me in bed?
I said yes, I love that trick you do with your mouth, "what trick?" she asks.
The one where you shut the feck up and go to sleep!
.
.
.
.
Man naked, looks in the mirror and says to wife "why do i always get a hard on when i look at myself?" wife says "coz even yer c*ck thinks yer a f^nny"
.
.
.
.
With hindsight I should have posted my facebook status as;
"I have blown the head gasket on my 1998 XR3i"
rather than,
"I've just fecked a 13 year old escort".
Still the police eventually saw the funny side!
.
.
.
.
Mick is in court for a double murder. The judge says "you are charged with beating your wife to death with a hammer.'' Man at the back of the courtroom yells out "c*nt!" The room goes silent, the judge continues "you are also charged with beating your wife's lover to death with a hammer." Again the man yells out "you fecking c*nt!" The judge having enough, looks at the man and says "sir, I can understand your anger at this crime but I will have no more outbursts, if you have anything to say, say it now". The man gets up and says "for 15 years I lived next door to that b^stard & everytime I asked to borrow a feckin hammer he said he didn't have one!!!"
.
.
.
.
Man pulls wife into bedroom and rips off her clothes and says. "Now do a handstand against the full length mirror". "Hmm" she thinks "kinky.... i like it". She does a handstand and her hubby pulls her legs apart and puts his chin on her muff. "The boys in the pub were right," he says. "A goatie would suit me!"
See you all after my bans lifted LOL
