BRIAN1956
DW Joke King
A butcher is leaning on the counter toward the close of day when a dog with a basket in its jaws comes pushing through the door.
"An' wot's this then?" he asked. The dog knocks the basket sharply into the butcher's shins.
"You dumb dog." As he reaches down to smack the dog, he notices a note and a ten dollar bill in the basket.
The scribble on the note asks for three pounds of his best mince [ground beef]. The butcher figures this is too easy. He goes to the window and reaches for the dried up stuff that's been sitting out all day.
The dog growls at him. The butcher turns around and, glaring at the pup, gets the best mince from the fridge. Weighing out about 2 1/2 pounds, he drops in on the scale with his thumb.
"Hmmmmm, a bit shy. Who'll know?"
Again, the dog growls menacingly. "Alright, alright," as he throws on a generous half pound. He wraps it out, drops it in the basket, and drops in change from a five. The dog threatens to chew him off at the ankles. Another five goes in the basket.
The butcher is quite impressed and decides to follow the piddy pup home. The dog quickly enters a high-rise buildings, pushes the lift button, enters the lift, and then pushes the button for the 12th floor. The dog walks down the corridor and smartly bangs the basket on the door. The door opens, and the dog's owner screams at the dog.
"Hey, what are you doing? That's a really smart dog you've got there," comments the butcher.
"He's a stupid dog--that's the third time this week he's forgotten his key.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A lady was expecting the plumber; he was supposed to come at ten o'clock.
Ten o'clock came and went; no plumber; eleven o'clock, twelve o'clock, one o'clock; no plumber.
She concluded he wasn't coming, and went out to do some errands.
While she was out, the plumber arrived.
He knocked on the door; the lady's parrot, who was at home in a cage by the door, said,
"Who is it?"
He replied, "It's the plumber."
He thought it was the lady who'd said, "Who is it?" and waited for her to come and let him in.
When this didn't happen he knocked again, and again the parrot said,
"Who is it?"
He said, "It's the plumber!"
He waited, and again the lady didn't come to let him in.
He knocked again, and again the parrot said,
"Who is it?"
He said, "It's the plumber!!!!!!!!"
Again he waited; again she didn't come; again he knocked; again the parrot said,
"Who is it?";
"Aarrrrrrgggggghhhhhhh!!!" he said, flying into a rage; he pushed the door in and ripped it off its hinges.
He suffered a heart attack and he fell dead in the doorway.
The lady came home from her errands, only to see the door ripped off its hinges and a corpse lying in the doorway,
"A dead body!" she exclaimed,
"Who is it?!"
The parrot said,
"It's the plumber."
"An' wot's this then?" he asked. The dog knocks the basket sharply into the butcher's shins.
"You dumb dog." As he reaches down to smack the dog, he notices a note and a ten dollar bill in the basket.
The scribble on the note asks for three pounds of his best mince [ground beef]. The butcher figures this is too easy. He goes to the window and reaches for the dried up stuff that's been sitting out all day.
The dog growls at him. The butcher turns around and, glaring at the pup, gets the best mince from the fridge. Weighing out about 2 1/2 pounds, he drops in on the scale with his thumb.
"Hmmmmm, a bit shy. Who'll know?"
Again, the dog growls menacingly. "Alright, alright," as he throws on a generous half pound. He wraps it out, drops it in the basket, and drops in change from a five. The dog threatens to chew him off at the ankles. Another five goes in the basket.
The butcher is quite impressed and decides to follow the piddy pup home. The dog quickly enters a high-rise buildings, pushes the lift button, enters the lift, and then pushes the button for the 12th floor. The dog walks down the corridor and smartly bangs the basket on the door. The door opens, and the dog's owner screams at the dog.
"Hey, what are you doing? That's a really smart dog you've got there," comments the butcher.
"He's a stupid dog--that's the third time this week he's forgotten his key.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A lady was expecting the plumber; he was supposed to come at ten o'clock.
Ten o'clock came and went; no plumber; eleven o'clock, twelve o'clock, one o'clock; no plumber.
She concluded he wasn't coming, and went out to do some errands.
While she was out, the plumber arrived.
He knocked on the door; the lady's parrot, who was at home in a cage by the door, said,
"Who is it?"
He replied, "It's the plumber."
He thought it was the lady who'd said, "Who is it?" and waited for her to come and let him in.
When this didn't happen he knocked again, and again the parrot said,
"Who is it?"
He said, "It's the plumber!"
He waited, and again the lady didn't come to let him in.
He knocked again, and again the parrot said,
"Who is it?"
He said, "It's the plumber!!!!!!!!"
Again he waited; again she didn't come; again he knocked; again the parrot said,
"Who is it?";
"Aarrrrrrgggggghhhhhhh!!!" he said, flying into a rage; he pushed the door in and ripped it off its hinges.
He suffered a heart attack and he fell dead in the doorway.
The lady came home from her errands, only to see the door ripped off its hinges and a corpse lying in the doorway,
"A dead body!" she exclaimed,
"Who is it?!"
The parrot said,
"It's the plumber."
