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Hi Guy's, Can anyone recommend a preferably free program that I can use to rip the audio stream from DVD's My mate has loads of music videos and wants to get some of the live tracks onto Cd so he can listen to them in his car, I have tried running them through DVD shrink to get them on my pc...

Bloke at work today locked his keys in the car and if I had not seen this trick with my own eyes I would not have believed it. Someone asked him if he had a spare key with a remote fob at home, when he said yes he told him to phone his wife while standing next to his car and get her to point...

The spark had been lost in this guy's marriage, so he was trying to think of a way to rekindle it. One night he came from work, and found his wife asleep in bed. He thought to himself, "what should I do?" "Oh-I know." He proceeded to get under the covers and go down on his wife. Soon she...

Man pinches his wifes ar*e & says, "do you know, if you firm this up you could get rid of your girdle". Rather pissed off she decided to say nothing. Later that night in bed, the husband squeezed her tits and said "do you know, if you firmed these up you could get rid of your bra!" Absolutely...

A robber walks into a bank and shouts"Freeze - Give me all your cash!" A brave customer pulls off the robbers mask and says 'I've seen your face now' so the robber shoots him dead. "Anyone else seen my face?" Silence for a moment, then someone pipes up,'l think that c*nt in the celtic/rangers...

A boy turns up at school with his cat peeping out his bag. His teacher is very puzzled and asks him "Tommy what is your cat doing at school today?" Tommy answers "I heard the postman telling my mum when your kids have gone to school im going to eat your pussy! so i wasnt taking any chances miss!"

2 married ladies go on holiday to the Caribbean & meet a muscular Black guy. After a week of fantastic 3 some sex they ask his name. He says my name's Snow. The ladies start laughing, he asks what's so funny? Their reply ..."Our husbands will never believe we had 10 inches of feckin Snow in the...

Gay man sits next 2 a wee ned fae Possil in a bar, the gay takes a shine 2 him, tries his luck and whispers in his ear, would he like a blow job. The wee ned knocks him clean out! The barman says "what did he say?" the wee ned says "fook knows.... but it was something about a job!"

I was standing at the urinals next to a midget, when I noticed him winking at me. I turned my back a bit but when I looked round he was still winking so I said "Whats your problem - do you fancy me or something ?" he said "No, you're splashing my feckin eye !"

A man was lying in bed with his new Thai girlfriend. After having great pleasure... She spent the next hour just rubbing his testicles ... Something she just loved to do. As he was enjoying it, he turned and asked her, "Why do you love doing that? She Replied, "I Really Miss mine."

IF EASILY OFFENDED PLEASE CLICK YOUR BACK BUTTON NOW !!!!! A charity pantomime in aid of Paranoid Schizophrenics & Homosexuals descended into chaos yesterday when somebody shouted "He's behind you!" . . . . I was round at my new girlfriend's for dinner the other day.. as...

Man goes in porn shop & asks for an inflatable doll. Shop keeper sez''Male or Female?'' Bloke sez ''Female'' Shop keeper sez''Black or White?''Bloke sez''White'' Shop keeper asks ''Christian or Muslim?'' Bloke sez''Wot the f'ck does religion have 2 do with it?''Shop keeper sez ''The Muslim one...

A man rings his boss & says won't be at work today,I've got anal blindness. Boss says what the f*cks that? he says I can't see my ar*e getting out of bed

Dear Deirdre,I have never written to you before but I really need your advice.I have suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating. The usual signs;phone rings if I answer the caller hangs up,going out with the girls a lot & when I ask the names its "u don't know them"I try to stay...

After a visit to a whore house, a man notices a green lump appears on his willy so he goes to the doc's. "That's serious" says the doc, "You know how boxers get cauliflower ear?" "Yes," says the man nervously. "Well, says the doc ", "You've got a brothel sprout!

I saw my mate Charlie this morning, he's only got 1 arm bless him. I shouted, "Where you off to Charlie?" He said "I'm going to change a light bulb." I laughed my head off and said that's gonna be a bit awkward ain't it? "Not really" he said, "I've still got the receipt, you spiteful fooker"

After both suffering depression for a while me and the wife were going to commit suicide yesterday. But strangely enough, once she killed herself i started to feel a lot better, so i thought f*ck it soldier on..!

A man & woman who had never met before found themselves sharing a sleeping compartment on a train. The man on the top bunk & she in the lower. During the night the man woke & asked "sorry 2 bother u but would u reach into the closet 2 get me a 2nd blanket, I'm freezing!" "I've a better idea"...

2 OAP's r enjoying oral sex together when the old man says, "sorry I cant stay down here for too long it stinks".the old lady replies "sorry love its my arthritis".man replies "what arthritis in ur F*nny!?". "no!" says the old lady."the arthritis is in my arm, i cant wipe my ar*e properly!!"

Little 5 year old Daisy sees a group of workmen turn up next door to build a house. She takes an interest and starts to talk to them. The builders,with hearts of gold,adopt her as their site mascot. After a week they present her with a pink hard hat and gloves and even a wage packet with £5...