wasnotwasD
DW Regular
A little rip (but a little bit long).
WARNING! : Are you an addict?
You may be addicted to the Internet if...
You wake up at 3 a.m. to go to the toilet and stop to check your e-mail on the way back to bed.
You don't know what sexes three of your closest friends are, because they have neutral nicknames and you never bothered to ask.
You comment, while watching a sunset, that the image would be enhanced with 10% more magenta and a higher resolution.
When someone tells you about a great new program and you're very disappointed to find that it's on TV.
If while driving down the street, you are confused by the numbers on the houses - they do not appear to be legitimate WWW addresses.
When you find it easier to dial-up the Met office/Weather/your_town/now.html, than to simply look out the window.
When you start using phrases like: [email protected].
If you call in sick because you found a great new WWW site.
If you can type your top 10 favourite Web sites, by heart.
If your fingers quit moving because you've been online for 36 hours.
If your net provider suggests you try a competitor, because you're exceeding 300 hours a month connect time.
If on the way home from work, you use your portable and cellular phone in your car, to reprogram a Tomahawk missile, in flight, and redirect it to take out the joker in the Mondeo who cut you off.
When your desk collapses under the weight of your computer peripherals.
You try to press Alt-F4 to close your car window.
You turn off your modem and get this awful empty feeling, like you just pulled the plug on a loved one.
Your hard drive crashes. You haven't logged in for two hours. You start to twitch. You pick up the phone and manually dial your ISP's access number. You try to hum to communicate with the modem. And you succeed.
You refer to going to the toilet as downloading.
You start introducing yourself as "JOE.BLOGGS@Digitalworld.
All of your friends have an @ in their names.
Your cat has its own home page.
You can't call your mother... she doesn't have a modem.
Your bookmarks take 15 minutes to scroll from top to bottom.
You refuse to go to a holiday spot with no electricity and no phone lines.
You finally do take that holiday, but only after buying a cellular modem and a laptop.
Your wife drapes a blond wig over your monitor to remind you of what she looks like.
Your wife says communication is important in a marriage...so you buy another computer and install a second phone line so the two of you can chat.
Your husband (wife) tells you he's (she's) had the beard (baby) for 2 months.
Your virtual girl (boy) friend finds a new net sweetheart with a larger bandwidth.
As your car crashes through the crash barrier on a motorway, your first instinct is to search for the "undo" button
you start tilting your head sideways to smile.
A friend stops to see you since your phone has been busy --- for a year!
You forgot how to work the TV remote control.
You see something funny and scream, "LOL, LOL."
You tell everyone, that after surgery, your mam went to ICQ ...instead of ICU!
You sign off and your screen says you were on for 3 days and 45 minutes.
You placed the fridge beside your computer...or put it in the toilet.
You buy a laptop and a cell phone so you can have Digital World in your car.
You beg your friends to join D.W so you can "hang out."
Tech support calls YOU for help.
You get a second phone line just to call out for a Mixed Balti & Popadoms.
You purchase a private license plate with your screen name on it.
You say "he he he he" or "heh heh heh" instead of laughing.
You say "SCROLL UP" when someone asks what it was you said.
You find out divorce papers had been served on you 6 months ago.
You talk on the phone with the same person you are sending an instant message to.
You look at an annoying person off line and wish that you had your ignore button handy.
You start to experience "withdrawal" after not being online for awhile. (The wife should be so lucky).
Being called a newbie is a major insult to you.
You sit on IRC for 6 hours for that certain special person to sign on.
You get up in the morning and go online before getting your brekkie.
Your teacher or boss recommends a drug test for the blood-shot eyes.
You get up at 2:00 AM to go to the toilet and turn the computer on instead.
You can type 70 words per minute but can't read your own handwriting.
You try to enter your password on the microwave.
You e-mail your son in his room to tell him that dinner is ready, and he e-mails you back "What's for dinner?"
You chat several times a day with a stranger from South Africa, but you haven't spoken to your next door neighbour yet this year.
AND FINALLY
The only jokes you receive are through email.
Diamond
WARNING! : Are you an addict?
You may be addicted to the Internet if...
You wake up at 3 a.m. to go to the toilet and stop to check your e-mail on the way back to bed.
You don't know what sexes three of your closest friends are, because they have neutral nicknames and you never bothered to ask.
You comment, while watching a sunset, that the image would be enhanced with 10% more magenta and a higher resolution.
When someone tells you about a great new program and you're very disappointed to find that it's on TV.
If while driving down the street, you are confused by the numbers on the houses - they do not appear to be legitimate WWW addresses.
When you find it easier to dial-up the Met office/Weather/your_town/now.html, than to simply look out the window.
When you start using phrases like: [email protected].
If you call in sick because you found a great new WWW site.
If you can type your top 10 favourite Web sites, by heart.
If your fingers quit moving because you've been online for 36 hours.
If your net provider suggests you try a competitor, because you're exceeding 300 hours a month connect time.
If on the way home from work, you use your portable and cellular phone in your car, to reprogram a Tomahawk missile, in flight, and redirect it to take out the joker in the Mondeo who cut you off.
When your desk collapses under the weight of your computer peripherals.
You try to press Alt-F4 to close your car window.
You turn off your modem and get this awful empty feeling, like you just pulled the plug on a loved one.
Your hard drive crashes. You haven't logged in for two hours. You start to twitch. You pick up the phone and manually dial your ISP's access number. You try to hum to communicate with the modem. And you succeed.
You refer to going to the toilet as downloading.
You start introducing yourself as "JOE.BLOGGS@Digitalworld.
All of your friends have an @ in their names.
Your cat has its own home page.
You can't call your mother... she doesn't have a modem.
Your bookmarks take 15 minutes to scroll from top to bottom.
You refuse to go to a holiday spot with no electricity and no phone lines.
You finally do take that holiday, but only after buying a cellular modem and a laptop.
Your wife drapes a blond wig over your monitor to remind you of what she looks like.
Your wife says communication is important in a marriage...so you buy another computer and install a second phone line so the two of you can chat.
Your husband (wife) tells you he's (she's) had the beard (baby) for 2 months.
Your virtual girl (boy) friend finds a new net sweetheart with a larger bandwidth.
As your car crashes through the crash barrier on a motorway, your first instinct is to search for the "undo" button
you start tilting your head sideways to smile.
A friend stops to see you since your phone has been busy --- for a year!
You forgot how to work the TV remote control.
You see something funny and scream, "LOL, LOL."
You tell everyone, that after surgery, your mam went to ICQ ...instead of ICU!
You sign off and your screen says you were on for 3 days and 45 minutes.
You placed the fridge beside your computer...or put it in the toilet.
You buy a laptop and a cell phone so you can have Digital World in your car.
You beg your friends to join D.W so you can "hang out."
Tech support calls YOU for help.
You get a second phone line just to call out for a Mixed Balti & Popadoms.
You purchase a private license plate with your screen name on it.
You say "he he he he" or "heh heh heh" instead of laughing.
You say "SCROLL UP" when someone asks what it was you said.
You find out divorce papers had been served on you 6 months ago.
You talk on the phone with the same person you are sending an instant message to.
You look at an annoying person off line and wish that you had your ignore button handy.
You start to experience "withdrawal" after not being online for awhile. (The wife should be so lucky).
Being called a newbie is a major insult to you.
You sit on IRC for 6 hours for that certain special person to sign on.
You get up in the morning and go online before getting your brekkie.
Your teacher or boss recommends a drug test for the blood-shot eyes.
You get up at 2:00 AM to go to the toilet and turn the computer on instead.
You can type 70 words per minute but can't read your own handwriting.
You try to enter your password on the microwave.
You e-mail your son in his room to tell him that dinner is ready, and he e-mails you back "What's for dinner?"
You chat several times a day with a stranger from South Africa, but you haven't spoken to your next door neighbour yet this year.
AND FINALLY
The only jokes you receive are through email.
Diamond
