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World Cup finals have their zeroes as well as heroes; here are 23 going nowhere fast.
Uli Stein West Germany, 1986
Germany's third-choice goalkeeper was sent home from Mexico early after calling manager Franz Beckenbauer "Suppen kasper" ("the soup buffoon" after Der Kaiser's 1960s soup commercials) and "Humpty Dumpty" and saying that his team-mates, "played like a bunch of cucumbers".
René Higuita Columbia, 1990
As if looking like the fourth member of Shalamar wasn't enough to get him noticed, keeper Higuita attempted to prove his "El Loco" credentials still further by dribbling round the 38-year-old Cameroon striker Roger Milla. The elderly African took the ball off him embarrassingly easily and scored the winner.
Mohammed Al-Deayea Saudi Arabia, 2002
Al-Deayea, the Asian Football Confederation's "Goalkeeper of the Century", conceded eight against Germany. The Saudi back four may have been less of a defence than a tearful confession but the keeper knew what was really to blame - the ball. "During shots the shape becomes completely different," he said
Marcel Desailly France, 2002
Well past his best but that did not stop the defender nonchalantly saying: "My friends are coming over to Korea and Japan after the group stages but my family are not planning a visit until the week before the final." He got to spend even more time with them after France failed to make it out of the group.
Jock Coll United States, 1930
US trainer Coll ran on in protest during his team's semi-final against Argentina. After remonstrating with the referee about Argentina's brutal tactics, Coll threw down his medical bag. A bottle of chloroform inside it broke, the fumes engulfed him, he fainted and had to be carried off on a stretcher.
Kobi Kuhn Switzerland, 1966
Kobi and team-mate Werner Leimgruber broke curfew and were caught by the manager Alfredo Foni. They explained they had been sightseeing but Foni was unimpressed, possibly because they were staying in Sheffield. He dropped them against West Germany. The Swiss lost 5-0. Kuhn is now the Swiss coach.
Steffen Effenberg Germany, 1994
Notoriously narky midfield playmaker got sent home for giving a stiff fingered salute to fans who had barracked Germany during a feeble 3-2 win over South Korea. The gesture became known as an "Effie" in Germany and he took early retirement from internationals to concentrate on offending at club level.
Jesper Olsen Denmark, 1986
The Danes had crushed Uruguay and West Germany and were beating Spain 1-0 when the winger took hold of proceedings. Picking up the ball on the touchline deep inside the Danish half he swept it absent-mindedly towards his own penalty area and into the path of Emilio Butrugueno. Spain won 5-1.
Claudio Caniggia Argentina, 2002
The girlish striker had missed the 1990 final after a yellow card for a pointless hand-ball against Italy in the semis but here he surpassed even this act of craziness. Confined to the bench he managed to get sent off without bothering to come on by yelling abuse at referee Ali Bujsaim during the match against Sweden.
Diana Ross United States, 1994
Presented with a dead ball and an open goal at the climax of the opening ceremony in Chicago, the veteran singer blasted wide, causing some to suggest that the maniacally grinning figure burbling on about a chain reaction was not the Motown star at all but Ronnie Rosenthal in drag.
Bebeto Brazil, 1994
His skills lit up USA 94 but sadly the same cannot be said for the forward's "rocking the baby" goal celebration which opened the floodgates for a torrent of pre-planned child-related nonsense from players that carries on today. We also saw Finidi George's "weeing dog" routine in 1994, which oddly did not catch on.
Mwepu Ilunga Zaire, 1974
Two-nil down to Brazil having already been tonked 9-0 by Yugoslavia, Zaire were feeling the pressure. When Brazil were awarded a free-kick just outside the Africans' penalty area, the 24-year-old right-back waited until the ref blew his whistle and then sprinted out of the wall and booted the ball into touch.
Pierre Issa South Africa, 1998
Playing in the stadium of his club side Marseille, the lanky centre-half put the ball in his own net twice against France and then muffed his team's only clear-cut opening at the other end. Became the subject of a popular joke by South African school kids: Knock, knock. Who's there? Issa. Issa who? Issa goal!
José Batista Uruguay, 1986
His team had already been warned about their conduct in Mexico after impressively brutal tactics against West Germany and Denmark. The centre-half's considered response? A reckless knee-high tackle on Gordon Strachan after 55 seconds to earn the fastest red card in World Cup history.
Prince Fahd Al-Ahmed Al-Jaber Kuwait, 1982
The Kuwaiti FA president put up more resistance than his defenders when he ran on to protest about France's fourth goal. Claiming his boys had stopped because they heard a whistle, the prince threatened to take his team from the field. Fifa instructed the ref Miroslav Stupar to disallow the strike. Kuwait lost 4-1.
Don Masson Scotland, 1978
When Willie Johnston failed a drug test following Scotland's defeat by Peru in Cordoba, midfield colleague Masson, who had missed a penalty in the game, confessed that he too had taken the illegal stimulant fencamfamin. Later he retracted the statement, saying he had lied to take the pressure off his team-mate.
Ray Wilkins England, 1986
The experienced and legendarily dull midfielder managed to get himself sent off in England's 0-0 draw with Morocco when he threw the ball at the ref in disgust after a free-kick was awarded against his side. Believed by many to be the only time he propelled the ball forward during his England career.
Garrincha Brazil, 1958
The "Little Bird" never bothered much about the ins and outs of the game. When his team-mates began celebrating victory in the World Cup final the winger was initially bemused, having been under the impression that the competition was a league in which Brazil would play the other teams twice.
Zlatko Zahovic Slovenia, 2002
The Benfica playmaker was Slovenia's star turn but had allowed success to go to his head. Fell out with coach Srecko Katanec after being substituted and delivered a classic footballer's rant that included the words "I could buy you. I could buy this team". Sent home with his cash more or less immediately.
Fernando Redondo Argentina, 1998
The midfielder refused to take the Argentina manager Daniel Passarella's uncompromising diktat against long hair and earrings seriously, persisting with his traditional straggly Gaucho mullet even after Gabriel Batistuta had relented and gone to the barber's, and was left out of the squad.
Kevin Keegan England, 1998
Played in a World Cup finals for only a few minutes but blistering displays from a deep-lying role in the commentary box made up for that. Astounded everyone in 1998 by confidently predicting England were about to beat Romania and that David Batty would score his penalty in the shoot-out in St Etienne.
Rajko Mitic Yugoslavia, 1950
The forward banged his head on a roof beam while walking from the dressing room to the pitch before Yugoslavia's crucial group game with Brazil and required stitches. His team started without their best player and were 1-0 down when he emerged with his pate swathed in bandages. Brazil won 2-0.
Viorel Moldovan Romania, 1998
The striker is thought to have inspired his team's bizarre collective decision to bleach their hair blond. Originally believed to have been done "for a bet", the mass dyeing was in reality an attempt to break a jinx apparently placed on the team by a senior figure in the Romanian Orthodox Church. No, really.
Uli Stein West Germany, 1986
Germany's third-choice goalkeeper was sent home from Mexico early after calling manager Franz Beckenbauer "Suppen kasper" ("the soup buffoon" after Der Kaiser's 1960s soup commercials) and "Humpty Dumpty" and saying that his team-mates, "played like a bunch of cucumbers".
René Higuita Columbia, 1990
As if looking like the fourth member of Shalamar wasn't enough to get him noticed, keeper Higuita attempted to prove his "El Loco" credentials still further by dribbling round the 38-year-old Cameroon striker Roger Milla. The elderly African took the ball off him embarrassingly easily and scored the winner.
Mohammed Al-Deayea Saudi Arabia, 2002
Al-Deayea, the Asian Football Confederation's "Goalkeeper of the Century", conceded eight against Germany. The Saudi back four may have been less of a defence than a tearful confession but the keeper knew what was really to blame - the ball. "During shots the shape becomes completely different," he said
Marcel Desailly France, 2002
Well past his best but that did not stop the defender nonchalantly saying: "My friends are coming over to Korea and Japan after the group stages but my family are not planning a visit until the week before the final." He got to spend even more time with them after France failed to make it out of the group.
Jock Coll United States, 1930
US trainer Coll ran on in protest during his team's semi-final against Argentina. After remonstrating with the referee about Argentina's brutal tactics, Coll threw down his medical bag. A bottle of chloroform inside it broke, the fumes engulfed him, he fainted and had to be carried off on a stretcher.
Kobi Kuhn Switzerland, 1966
Kobi and team-mate Werner Leimgruber broke curfew and were caught by the manager Alfredo Foni. They explained they had been sightseeing but Foni was unimpressed, possibly because they were staying in Sheffield. He dropped them against West Germany. The Swiss lost 5-0. Kuhn is now the Swiss coach.
Steffen Effenberg Germany, 1994
Notoriously narky midfield playmaker got sent home for giving a stiff fingered salute to fans who had barracked Germany during a feeble 3-2 win over South Korea. The gesture became known as an "Effie" in Germany and he took early retirement from internationals to concentrate on offending at club level.
Jesper Olsen Denmark, 1986
The Danes had crushed Uruguay and West Germany and were beating Spain 1-0 when the winger took hold of proceedings. Picking up the ball on the touchline deep inside the Danish half he swept it absent-mindedly towards his own penalty area and into the path of Emilio Butrugueno. Spain won 5-1.
Claudio Caniggia Argentina, 2002
The girlish striker had missed the 1990 final after a yellow card for a pointless hand-ball against Italy in the semis but here he surpassed even this act of craziness. Confined to the bench he managed to get sent off without bothering to come on by yelling abuse at referee Ali Bujsaim during the match against Sweden.
Diana Ross United States, 1994
Presented with a dead ball and an open goal at the climax of the opening ceremony in Chicago, the veteran singer blasted wide, causing some to suggest that the maniacally grinning figure burbling on about a chain reaction was not the Motown star at all but Ronnie Rosenthal in drag.
Bebeto Brazil, 1994
His skills lit up USA 94 but sadly the same cannot be said for the forward's "rocking the baby" goal celebration which opened the floodgates for a torrent of pre-planned child-related nonsense from players that carries on today. We also saw Finidi George's "weeing dog" routine in 1994, which oddly did not catch on.
Mwepu Ilunga Zaire, 1974
Two-nil down to Brazil having already been tonked 9-0 by Yugoslavia, Zaire were feeling the pressure. When Brazil were awarded a free-kick just outside the Africans' penalty area, the 24-year-old right-back waited until the ref blew his whistle and then sprinted out of the wall and booted the ball into touch.
Pierre Issa South Africa, 1998
Playing in the stadium of his club side Marseille, the lanky centre-half put the ball in his own net twice against France and then muffed his team's only clear-cut opening at the other end. Became the subject of a popular joke by South African school kids: Knock, knock. Who's there? Issa. Issa who? Issa goal!
José Batista Uruguay, 1986
His team had already been warned about their conduct in Mexico after impressively brutal tactics against West Germany and Denmark. The centre-half's considered response? A reckless knee-high tackle on Gordon Strachan after 55 seconds to earn the fastest red card in World Cup history.
Prince Fahd Al-Ahmed Al-Jaber Kuwait, 1982
The Kuwaiti FA president put up more resistance than his defenders when he ran on to protest about France's fourth goal. Claiming his boys had stopped because they heard a whistle, the prince threatened to take his team from the field. Fifa instructed the ref Miroslav Stupar to disallow the strike. Kuwait lost 4-1.
Don Masson Scotland, 1978
When Willie Johnston failed a drug test following Scotland's defeat by Peru in Cordoba, midfield colleague Masson, who had missed a penalty in the game, confessed that he too had taken the illegal stimulant fencamfamin. Later he retracted the statement, saying he had lied to take the pressure off his team-mate.
Ray Wilkins England, 1986
The experienced and legendarily dull midfielder managed to get himself sent off in England's 0-0 draw with Morocco when he threw the ball at the ref in disgust after a free-kick was awarded against his side. Believed by many to be the only time he propelled the ball forward during his England career.
Garrincha Brazil, 1958
The "Little Bird" never bothered much about the ins and outs of the game. When his team-mates began celebrating victory in the World Cup final the winger was initially bemused, having been under the impression that the competition was a league in which Brazil would play the other teams twice.
Zlatko Zahovic Slovenia, 2002
The Benfica playmaker was Slovenia's star turn but had allowed success to go to his head. Fell out with coach Srecko Katanec after being substituted and delivered a classic footballer's rant that included the words "I could buy you. I could buy this team". Sent home with his cash more or less immediately.
Fernando Redondo Argentina, 1998
The midfielder refused to take the Argentina manager Daniel Passarella's uncompromising diktat against long hair and earrings seriously, persisting with his traditional straggly Gaucho mullet even after Gabriel Batistuta had relented and gone to the barber's, and was left out of the squad.
Kevin Keegan England, 1998
Played in a World Cup finals for only a few minutes but blistering displays from a deep-lying role in the commentary box made up for that. Astounded everyone in 1998 by confidently predicting England were about to beat Romania and that David Batty would score his penalty in the shoot-out in St Etienne.
Rajko Mitic Yugoslavia, 1950
The forward banged his head on a roof beam while walking from the dressing room to the pitch before Yugoslavia's crucial group game with Brazil and required stitches. His team started without their best player and were 1-0 down when he emerged with his pate swathed in bandages. Brazil won 2-0.
Viorel Moldovan Romania, 1998
The striker is thought to have inspired his team's bizarre collective decision to bleach their hair blond. Originally believed to have been done "for a bet", the mass dyeing was in reality an attempt to break a jinx apparently placed on the team by a senior figure in the Romanian Orthodox Church. No, really.
