BRIAN1956
DW Joke King
A man goes to a public golf course.
He approaches the man behind the counter in the pro shop and says,
'I would like 18 holes of golf and a caddie.'
The man behind the counter says,
'The 18 holes of golf is no problem,
but all of the caddies are out on the course.
What I will do for youis this:
we just received 8 brand new robot golf caddies.
If you're willing to take one with you out on the course and come back and tell
me how well it works,
your round of golf is on me today.'
The golfer obviously accepted the man's offer.
He approached the first tee, looked at the fairway and said to himself,
'I think my driver will do the job.'
The robot caddie turned to the man and said,
'No sir. Use your 3 wood.
A driver is far too much club for this hole.'
Hesitantly, the golfer pulled out his 3 wood, made good contact with
the ball.
The ball landed about 10 feet to the right front of the
hole on the green.
The golfer, delighted, turned to the robot and thanked him for his assistance.
As the golfer pulled out his putter he said,
'I think this green is gonna break left to right.'
The robot then again spoke up and said,
'No sir. I do believe this green will break right to left'
Thinking about the last time the robot corrected his prediction,
He decided again to listen to the machine.
He made his putt and birdied the hole thanks to the robot and his advice.
But his luck didn't end there.
His entire game was the best game he ever played,
thanks to the assistance of the new robot golf caddie.
Upon returning to the clubhouse, the man behind the counter asked,
'How was your game ?'
The golfer stated,
'It was, by far, the BEST game I ever played.
Thank you very much for letting me take one of your robots.
See you next week.
A week passed, and excited, the golfer returned to the pro shop.
Upon entering, he turned to the man behind the counter and said,
'I would like 18 holes of golf and one of those robot golf caddies,
please.'
The gentleman from behind the counter turned to the man and said,
'Well the 18 holes is no problem.
However, we had to get rid of the Robots, too many complaints”.
Confused, the golfer cried,
'COMPLAINTS?
Who in the heck could've complained about those robots?
They were incredible'
The man sighed and said,
'Well, it wasn't their performance.
It was that they were made of shiny silver metal,
and the sun reflecting off them was blinding to other golfers on the fair way. '
The golfer said,
'So then why didn't you just paint them black?'
The man nodded sadly and replied,
'We did.
Then four of 'em didn't show up for work,
two filed for welfare,
one of them robbed the pro shop,
and the other . . . . is running for President.'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A defendant was on trial for murder in Philadelphia.
There was strong evidence indicating guilt, but there was no corpse.
In the defense's closing statement the lawyer, knowing that his client would probably be convicted, resorted to a trick.
"Ladies and gentlemen of the jury,
I have a surprise for you all," the lawyer said as he looked at his watch.
"Within one minute, the person presumed dead in this case will walk into this courtroom."
He looked toward the courtroom door.
The jurors, somewhat stunned, all looked on eagerly.
A minute passed. Nothing happened.
Finally the lawyer said,
"Actually, I made up the previous statement.
But you all looked on with anticipation.
I, therefore, put it to you that there is reasonable doubt in this case as to whether anyone was killed and insist that you return a verdict of not guilty."
The jury, clearly confused, retired to deliberate.
A few minutes later, the jury returned and pronounced a verdict of guilty.
"But how?" inquired the lawyer.
"You must have had some doubt;
I saw all of you stare at the door."
Answered the jury foreman:
"Oh, we did look. But your client didn't."
He approaches the man behind the counter in the pro shop and says,
'I would like 18 holes of golf and a caddie.'
The man behind the counter says,
'The 18 holes of golf is no problem,
but all of the caddies are out on the course.
What I will do for youis this:
we just received 8 brand new robot golf caddies.
If you're willing to take one with you out on the course and come back and tell
me how well it works,
your round of golf is on me today.'
The golfer obviously accepted the man's offer.
He approached the first tee, looked at the fairway and said to himself,
'I think my driver will do the job.'
The robot caddie turned to the man and said,
'No sir. Use your 3 wood.
A driver is far too much club for this hole.'
Hesitantly, the golfer pulled out his 3 wood, made good contact with
the ball.
The ball landed about 10 feet to the right front of the
hole on the green.
The golfer, delighted, turned to the robot and thanked him for his assistance.
As the golfer pulled out his putter he said,
'I think this green is gonna break left to right.'
The robot then again spoke up and said,
'No sir. I do believe this green will break right to left'
Thinking about the last time the robot corrected his prediction,
He decided again to listen to the machine.
He made his putt and birdied the hole thanks to the robot and his advice.
But his luck didn't end there.
His entire game was the best game he ever played,
thanks to the assistance of the new robot golf caddie.
Upon returning to the clubhouse, the man behind the counter asked,
'How was your game ?'
The golfer stated,
'It was, by far, the BEST game I ever played.
Thank you very much for letting me take one of your robots.
See you next week.
A week passed, and excited, the golfer returned to the pro shop.
Upon entering, he turned to the man behind the counter and said,
'I would like 18 holes of golf and one of those robot golf caddies,
please.'
The gentleman from behind the counter turned to the man and said,
'Well the 18 holes is no problem.
However, we had to get rid of the Robots, too many complaints”.
Confused, the golfer cried,
'COMPLAINTS?
Who in the heck could've complained about those robots?
They were incredible'
The man sighed and said,
'Well, it wasn't their performance.
It was that they were made of shiny silver metal,
and the sun reflecting off them was blinding to other golfers on the fair way. '
The golfer said,
'So then why didn't you just paint them black?'
The man nodded sadly and replied,
'We did.
Then four of 'em didn't show up for work,
two filed for welfare,
one of them robbed the pro shop,
and the other . . . . is running for President.'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A defendant was on trial for murder in Philadelphia.
There was strong evidence indicating guilt, but there was no corpse.
In the defense's closing statement the lawyer, knowing that his client would probably be convicted, resorted to a trick.
"Ladies and gentlemen of the jury,
I have a surprise for you all," the lawyer said as he looked at his watch.
"Within one minute, the person presumed dead in this case will walk into this courtroom."
He looked toward the courtroom door.
The jurors, somewhat stunned, all looked on eagerly.
A minute passed. Nothing happened.
Finally the lawyer said,
"Actually, I made up the previous statement.
But you all looked on with anticipation.
I, therefore, put it to you that there is reasonable doubt in this case as to whether anyone was killed and insist that you return a verdict of not guilty."
The jury, clearly confused, retired to deliberate.
A few minutes later, the jury returned and pronounced a verdict of guilty.
"But how?" inquired the lawyer.
"You must have had some doubt;
I saw all of you stare at the door."
Answered the jury foreman:
"Oh, we did look. But your client didn't."
