marty
Inactive User
A male corpse was found hanging from alight fitting, with a vibrator up his arse, a blow-up doll strapped to his belly and wearing a Newcastle United shirt.
Before notifying the relatives, the police removed the Newcastle United shirt, to spare them unnecessary embarrassment!
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A farmer gets a phone call from his son, "I've just run over a pig and it is stuck under the tractor, still alive!" Shoot it says the farmer, ....and then bury him.
About 20 minutes later he gets another phone call..... "I've done that, what should I do with his speed camera?"
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Two Irish couple decide to spice up their sex life, and swap partners.
After the event Paddy turns around to Mick and says, "Jaysus Mick, that was fantastic !! I wonder how the girls got on?"
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Where do you come from?" the Englishman asked the American.
"From the greatest country in the world," replied the American.
"Funny," said the Englishman, "you've got the strangest English accent I've ever heard."
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Son, can you tell the difference between the British tanks and the Iraqi tanks?"
"No, sir!"
"Then, welcome to the United States Army..."
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I slept with one of those 'high class' prostitutes the other week. I'm not happy though, the bitch gave me lobsters
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George Bush is being giving his daily briefing, he is told that yesterday 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed.
"OH NO!" the President exclaims. "That's terrible!"
His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the President sits, head in hands.
Finally he looks up with a devastaded expression on his face and he asks, "How many is a brazillion?'
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The wife's not speaking to me, all because I wouldn't open the car door for her...it's not my fault, I just fucking panicked and swam to the surface!
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Jesus once said, "Love thy neighbour."
Bet he didn't live on a fucking council estate.
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Before notifying the relatives, the police removed the Newcastle United shirt, to spare them unnecessary embarrassment!
------------------------------
A farmer gets a phone call from his son, "I've just run over a pig and it is stuck under the tractor, still alive!" Shoot it says the farmer, ....and then bury him.
About 20 minutes later he gets another phone call..... "I've done that, what should I do with his speed camera?"
--------------------------------
Two Irish couple decide to spice up their sex life, and swap partners.
After the event Paddy turns around to Mick and says, "Jaysus Mick, that was fantastic !! I wonder how the girls got on?"
------------------------------------
Where do you come from?" the Englishman asked the American.
"From the greatest country in the world," replied the American.
"Funny," said the Englishman, "you've got the strangest English accent I've ever heard."
----------------------------------------
Son, can you tell the difference between the British tanks and the Iraqi tanks?"
"No, sir!"
"Then, welcome to the United States Army..."
-------------------------------------
I slept with one of those 'high class' prostitutes the other week. I'm not happy though, the bitch gave me lobsters
-------------------------------------
George Bush is being giving his daily briefing, he is told that yesterday 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed.
"OH NO!" the President exclaims. "That's terrible!"
His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the President sits, head in hands.
Finally he looks up with a devastaded expression on his face and he asks, "How many is a brazillion?'
---------------------------------
The wife's not speaking to me, all because I wouldn't open the car door for her...it's not my fault, I just fucking panicked and swam to the surface!
---------------------------------
Jesus once said, "Love thy neighbour."
Bet he didn't live on a fucking council estate.
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