| Remember it takes a college degree to fly a commercial aircraft, but only a high school diploma to repair one ~~ that's reassuring to those who fly routinely! After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form called a 'gripe sheet', which notifies mechanics about problems with the aircraft. Mechanics resolve the problems, document their actions on the form ~~ pilots then review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humour. Here are some "actual" maintenance complaints submitted by UPS pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance personnel. (By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never ~~ ever ~~ had an accident.) P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement. S: Almost replaced left inside main tyre. P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough. S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft. P: Something loose in cockpit. S: Something tightened in cockpit. P: Dead bugs on windshield. S: Live bugs on back-order. P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent S: Cannot duplicate problem on ground. P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. S: Evidence removed. P: DME volume unbelievably loud. S: DME volume set to more believable level. P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. S: That's what friction locks are for. P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode. S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode. P: Suspected crack in windshield. S: Suspect you're right. P: Number 3 engine missing. S: Engine found on right wing following brief search. P: Aircraft handles funny. S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious. P: Target radar hums. S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics. P: Mouse in cockpit. S: Cat installed. And the best one for last ~~ P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer. S: Took hammer away from the midget. |
