Jooooles
DW Regular +
>My neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30am this morning, can you
believe that 2:30am?! Luckily for him I was still up playing my
Bagpipes.
>
>
>
>I sat on the train this morning opposite a stunning Thai girl. I kept
thinking to myself, please don't get an erection, please don't get an
erection...but she did.
>
>
>The Grim Reaper came for me last night, and I beat him off with a
vacuum cleaner. Fu*k me, talk about Dyson with death.
>
>
>Did you hear about the fat alcoholic transvestite?All he wanted to do
was eat, drink and be Mary.
>
>
>Paddy says "Mick, I'm thinking of buying a Labrador . "fu*k that" says
Mick "have you seen how many of their owners go blind"
>
>
>Man calls 999 and says "I think my wife is dead." The operator
says how do you know? He says "The sex is the same but the ironing is
building up!
>
>
>I was in bed with a blind girl last night and she said that I had the
biggest prick she had ever laid her hands on. I said "You're pulling
my leg"
>
>
>I've just had a letter back from Screwfix. They said they regretted
to inform me that they're not actually a dating agency.
>
>
>A man walks into a Welsh pub and orders a white wine spritzer. The bar
goes silent as everyone stares at him. "Where are you from? You sound
English", "I'm from across the Severn," replies the man nervously."What
do you do, just across the Severn ?", "I'm a taxidermist." "What on
earth is one of those?". "I mount animals." "Its alright boys," shouts
the barman he's one of us.
>
>
>I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the ice!! At least I presume
she was poor - she only had £1.20 in her purse.
>
>
>I woke up last night to find the ghost of Gloria Gaynor standing at
the foot of my bed. At first I was afraid.......then I was petrified.
>
>
>What's the difference between Iron Man and Iron Woman? One's a
superhero and the other is an instruction!!!!!!
>
>
>An old lady is being examined by the Dr. He asks have you ever been
bedridden? She says yes I have, and I've been table ended and
backskuttled a few times too!
>
>Went for my routine check up today and everything seemed to be going
fine until he stuck his index finger up my arse! Do you think I should
change Dentists?
>
>
>
>A wife says to her husband you're always pushing me around and talking
behind my back. He says what do you expect? You're in a wheel chair.
>
>
>I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get
reincarnated, but must come back as a different creature. She said I
would like to come back as a cow. I said you're obviously not ****ing
listening.
>
>
>Under new E.U. law the word "gypo" is no longer politically correct.
They have to be called (caravan utilising nomadic travelers) or C. *.
N. T. S. for short.
>
>
>Doctors have just identified a food that can cause grief and suffering
years after it's been eaten. It's called a wedding cake.
>
>
>I was in the pub with my wife last night and I said I love you. She
said Is that you or the beer talking? I replied it's me talking to the
beer.
>
>
>The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the
worst. So I have been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back.
>
>
>Hi mate I don't want you to panic but I'm texting you from the
casualty. Turns out the new Dyson Ball cleaner isn't what I thought it
was.
>
>.
>
believe that 2:30am?! Luckily for him I was still up playing my
Bagpipes.
>
>
>
>I sat on the train this morning opposite a stunning Thai girl. I kept
thinking to myself, please don't get an erection, please don't get an
erection...but she did.
>
>
>The Grim Reaper came for me last night, and I beat him off with a
vacuum cleaner. Fu*k me, talk about Dyson with death.
>
>
>Did you hear about the fat alcoholic transvestite?All he wanted to do
was eat, drink and be Mary.
>
>
>Paddy says "Mick, I'm thinking of buying a Labrador . "fu*k that" says
Mick "have you seen how many of their owners go blind"
>
>
>Man calls 999 and says "I think my wife is dead." The operator
says how do you know? He says "The sex is the same but the ironing is
building up!
>
>
>I was in bed with a blind girl last night and she said that I had the
biggest prick she had ever laid her hands on. I said "You're pulling
my leg"
>
>
>I've just had a letter back from Screwfix. They said they regretted
to inform me that they're not actually a dating agency.
>
>
>A man walks into a Welsh pub and orders a white wine spritzer. The bar
goes silent as everyone stares at him. "Where are you from? You sound
English", "I'm from across the Severn," replies the man nervously."What
do you do, just across the Severn ?", "I'm a taxidermist." "What on
earth is one of those?". "I mount animals." "Its alright boys," shouts
the barman he's one of us.
>
>
>I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the ice!! At least I presume
she was poor - she only had £1.20 in her purse.
>
>
>I woke up last night to find the ghost of Gloria Gaynor standing at
the foot of my bed. At first I was afraid.......then I was petrified.
>
>
>What's the difference between Iron Man and Iron Woman? One's a
superhero and the other is an instruction!!!!!!
>
>
>An old lady is being examined by the Dr. He asks have you ever been
bedridden? She says yes I have, and I've been table ended and
backskuttled a few times too!
>
>Went for my routine check up today and everything seemed to be going
fine until he stuck his index finger up my arse! Do you think I should
change Dentists?
>
>
>
>A wife says to her husband you're always pushing me around and talking
behind my back. He says what do you expect? You're in a wheel chair.
>
>
>I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get
reincarnated, but must come back as a different creature. She said I
would like to come back as a cow. I said you're obviously not ****ing
listening.
>
>
>Under new E.U. law the word "gypo" is no longer politically correct.
They have to be called (caravan utilising nomadic travelers) or C. *.
N. T. S. for short.
>
>
>Doctors have just identified a food that can cause grief and suffering
years after it's been eaten. It's called a wedding cake.
>
>
>I was in the pub with my wife last night and I said I love you. She
said Is that you or the beer talking? I replied it's me talking to the
beer.
>
>
>The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the
worst. So I have been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back.
>
>
>Hi mate I don't want you to panic but I'm texting you from the
casualty. Turns out the new Dyson Ball cleaner isn't what I thought it
was.
>
>.
>
