good news ! I realised I was looking at the end of the cable around the wrong way , I was looking at the holes face on so the pin numbers were around the wrong way ! so thanks to spuds video last night I have unsoldered all the wires and just wired the 3 as shown in the video , connected it to my pc and yeahhhhhh it downloaded the firmware, im over the moon now ! all I need now is a safe update to use on my usb stick (summat that doesn't brick my box again) and im set ! thanks everyone for all the help im grateful !