Them Irish


DW Joke King
Oct 3, 2007
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Over There<<<<>>>>
Three Irishmen and three Englishmen are travelling by train to a football match in London.

At the station, the three English each buy a ticket and watch as the three Irish buy just one ticket between them.

"How are the three of you going to travel on only one ticket?” asks one of the English.

"Watch and learn," answers one of the Irish. They all board the train.

The English take their respective seats but all three Irish cram into a toilet and close the door behind them.

Shortly after the train has departed the conductor arrives to collect the tickets.

He knocks on the toilet door and says, "Ticket please."

The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand.

The conductor takes it and moves on.

The English are mightily impressed by this, so after the game, they decide to copy the Irish on the return trip and save some money.

When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for the return trip... To their astonishment, the Irish don't buy a ticket at all!!

"How are you going to travel without a ticket?" asks one perplexed English.

"Watch and learn..." says one Paddy.

When they board the train the three Irish cram into a toilet and soon after the three English pile into another nearby.

The train departs.

Shortly afterwards, one of the Irish leaves the toilet and sneaks across to the toilet where the English are hiding.

He knocks on the door and says,

"Ticket please..."


OK , ignore the miracles of DNA test etc...

Three men are sitting in the maternity ward of a hospital waiting for the imminent birth of their respective children.

One is an Irishman, one English and the other a West Indian.

They are all very nervous and pacing the floor - as you do in these situations.

All of a sudden the doctor bursts through the double doors saying

"Gentlemen you won't believe this but your wives have all had their babies within 5 minutes of each other."

The men are beside themselves with happiness and joy.

"And", said the doctor, "They have all had little boys."

The fathers are ecstatic and congratulate each other over and over.

"However we do have one slight problem," the doctor said.

"In all the confusion we may have mixed the babies up getting them to the nursery and would be grateful if you could join us there to try and help to identify them."

With that the Irishman raced past the doctor and bolted to the nursery.

Once inside he picked up a dark skinned infant with dreadlocks saying,

"There's no doubt about it, this boy is mine!"

The doctor looked bewildered and said,

"Well sir of all the babies I would have thought that maybe this child could be of West Indian descent."

"Maybe", said the Irishman,

"but one of the other two is fcuking English and I'm not taking the chance!!!