Chinese Wedding Night
A young Chinese couple gets married. She's a v*rg*n. Truth be told, he is a v*rg*n too, but she doesn't know that.
On their wedding night, she cowers naked under the sheets as her husband undresses in the darkness.
He climbs into bed next to her and tries to be reassuring. 'My darring,' he whispers,
'I know dis you firss time and you berry flighten.
I promise you, I give you anyting you want, I do anyting - juss anyting you want.
You jus s ask... Whatchu want?' he says, trying to sound experienced and worldly, which he hopes will impress her.
A thoughtful silence follows and he waits patiently (and eagerly) for her request.
She eventually shyly whispers back, 'I want to try someting I have hear about from odda girls... Numbaa 69.'
More thoughtful silence, this time from him. Eventually, in a puzzled tone he asks her....
'You want........Garlic Chicken wif snow peas?'
*****************************************************
Paddy's pregnant sister was in a terrible car accident and went into a deep coma.
After being in the coma for nearly six months, she wakes up and sees that she is no longer pregnant.
Frantically, she asks the doctor about her baby.
The doctor replies, 'Ma'am, you had twins.... a boy and a girl. The babies are fine;
However, they were poorly at birth and had to be christened immediately so your brother Paddy came in and named them.
The woman thinks to herself, ' Oh suffering Jesus, no, not me brother he's a clueless idiot...
Expecting the worst, she asks the doctor,' Well, what's my daughter's name?'
' Denise' says the doctor.
The new mother is somewhat relieved, 'Wow, that's a really beautiful name,
'I guess I was wrong about my brother', she thought....'I really like Denise
Then she asks, ' What's the boy's name?'
The doctor replies ' Denephew '
***********************************
· Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants.
· I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with 'Guess' on it. So I said 'Implants?' She hit me.
· How come they choose from just two people to run for president of the usa and over fifty for Miss America ?
· I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place!
· Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the difference.
· Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over?
A young Chinese couple gets married. She's a v*rg*n. Truth be told, he is a v*rg*n too, but she doesn't know that.
On their wedding night, she cowers naked under the sheets as her husband undresses in the darkness.
He climbs into bed next to her and tries to be reassuring. 'My darring,' he whispers,
'I know dis you firss time and you berry flighten.
I promise you, I give you anyting you want, I do anyting - juss anyting you want.
You jus s ask... Whatchu want?' he says, trying to sound experienced and worldly, which he hopes will impress her.
A thoughtful silence follows and he waits patiently (and eagerly) for her request.
She eventually shyly whispers back, 'I want to try someting I have hear about from odda girls... Numbaa 69.'
More thoughtful silence, this time from him. Eventually, in a puzzled tone he asks her....
'You want........Garlic Chicken wif snow peas?'
*****************************************************
Paddy's pregnant sister was in a terrible car accident and went into a deep coma.
After being in the coma for nearly six months, she wakes up and sees that she is no longer pregnant.
Frantically, she asks the doctor about her baby.
The doctor replies, 'Ma'am, you had twins.... a boy and a girl. The babies are fine;
However, they were poorly at birth and had to be christened immediately so your brother Paddy came in and named them.
The woman thinks to herself, ' Oh suffering Jesus, no, not me brother he's a clueless idiot...
Expecting the worst, she asks the doctor,' Well, what's my daughter's name?'
' Denise' says the doctor.
The new mother is somewhat relieved, 'Wow, that's a really beautiful name,
'I guess I was wrong about my brother', she thought....'I really like Denise
Then she asks, ' What's the boy's name?'
The doctor replies ' Denephew '
***********************************
· Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants.
· I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with 'Guess' on it. So I said 'Implants?' She hit me.
· How come they choose from just two people to run for president of the usa and over fifty for Miss America ?
· I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place!
· Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the difference.
· Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over?
