sexless relationship - what do i do?

[adam]

i've been with this girl for about 3 years and we have a cracking little boy of about 18months. i have no idea how he happened but i love him so much. As a family we are great, shes a wonderful mother and a great girlfriend. i could go on all day listing her positive qualities but theyre all beside the point -we dont have sex! thats not entirely true.. we had some last night because i had forgotten how god awful she is at it. my previous relationship was just sex, she had the most abysmal personality but we were at it constantly- it was wonderful! 3-6 portions of mind blowing sex daily. now i have a girl who's plenty keen (not that keen tho) but for the love of god she cant f*ck. she cant do a thing right, blowjobs hurt and sex is so pointless that I DONT WANT IT????. she started doing the pelvic floor excercises but it hasnt helped at all. I am so torn and confused, i dont want to break up our family but i can seem to teach her the basics and i dont have a convenient f*ck buddy. I cant bear to measure my sex life in annual dissapointing attempts, and i hate the idea of being a cheat.
what the hell can i do?

 

[hackmax]

i've been with this girl for about 3 years and we have a cracking little boy of about 18months. i have no idea how he happened but i love him so much. As a family we are great, shes a wonderful mother and a great girlfriend. i could go on all day listing her positive qualities but theyre all beside the point -we dont have sex! thats not entirely true.. we had some last night because i had forgotten how god awful she is at it. my previous relationship was just sex, she had the most abysmal personality but we were at it constantly- it was wonderful! 3-6 portions of mind blowing sex daily. now i have a girl who's plenty keen (not that keen tho) but for the love of god she cant f*ck. she cant do a thing right, blowjobs hurt and sex is so pointless that I DONT WANT IT????. she started doing the pelvic floor excercises but it hasnt helped at all. I am so torn and confused, i dont want to break up our family but i can seem to teach her the basics and i dont have a convenient f*ck buddy. I cant bear to measure my sex life in annual dissapointing attempts, and i hate the idea of being a cheat.
what the hell can i do?

Well, in all honesty not a lot.

a) You think your partner is crap at sex.
b) You don't want to cheat.
c) You want to stay together.

3 main problems and one of them needs to change. Consider working on A - Maybe some experimentation.

Failing that B ... Find a prostitute.

Then C ... Find a new girlfriend.

 

[MOAMB]

i've been with this girl for about 3 years and we have a cracking little boy of about 18months. i have no idea how he happened but i love him so much. As a family we are great, shes a wonderful mother and a great girlfriend. i could go on all day listing her positive qualities but theyre all beside the point -we dont have sex! thats not entirely true.. we had some last night because i had forgotten how god awful she is at it. my previous relationship was just sex, she had the most abysmal personality but we were at it constantly- it was wonderful! 3-6 portions of mind blowing sex daily. now i have a girl who's plenty keen (not that keen tho) but for the love of god she cant f*ck. she cant do a thing right, blowjobs hurt and sex is so pointless that I DONT WANT IT????. she started doing the pelvic floor excercises but it hasnt helped at all. I am so torn and confused, i dont want to break up our family but i can seem to teach her the basics and i dont have a convenient f*ck buddy. I cant bear to measure my sex life in annual dissapointing attempts, and i hate the idea of being a cheat.
what the hell can i do?

First thing i would say is try not to compaire girlfriends cuz people are different. I have been with some fantastic women in the bedroom but out of it we were chalk and cheese and we didnt last (do miss the sex tho).

My current partner is my Mary Poppings and does everything for me and has just given me a beautiful son but as u say the sex isnt the best. The one thing is tho is she is getting better so could you not SCHOOL her and tell her to do things differently?

You should be able to talk to her about it and come to some compramise im sure, it will be tough to approach but worth it in the end if it works out.

Good luck mate

 

[chrispeters]

u both shud seek professional help together ..or....encourage her to try new things.
try sum toys too and get some fun stuff back into the bedroom , it will help .
Theres loads of stuff out there to combat this problem.

 

[hackmax]

i've been with this girl for about 3 years and we have a cracking little boy of about 18months. i have no idea how he happened but i love him so much. As a family we are great, shes a wonderful mother and a great girlfriend. i could go on all day listing her positive qualities but theyre all beside the point -we dont have sex! thats not entirely true.. we had some last night because i had forgotten how god awful she is at it. my previous relationship was just sex, she had the most abysmal personality but we were at it constantly- it was wonderful! 3-6 portions of mind blowing sex daily. now i have a girl who's plenty keen (not that keen tho) but for the love of god she cant f*ck. she cant do a thing right, blowjobs hurt and sex is so pointless that I DONT WANT IT????. she started doing the pelvic floor excercises but it hasnt helped at all. I am so torn and confused, i dont want to break up our family but i can seem to teach her the basics and i dont have a convenient f*ck buddy. I cant bear to measure my sex life in annual dissapointing attempts, and i hate the idea of being a cheat.
what the hell can i do?

Another question: Do you give her pleasure???

It's a two way thing and yet all you've spoken of here is her pleasuring you, and her doing exercises to improve her performance for you...

Not been rude ... ever parter will be different and you have to find what works for both of you.

 

[satansoft]

Hey Adam, thats a rough problem you have. . . Sounds like you love the girl though, and she sounds great in every other way. Is the problem that you want more sex than she does, or is it that she is not very good technique wise. . Have you discussed the situation with her? if she is picking up vibes from you then that will only increase her anxiety about not being good at sex and magnify the problem. There may be an underlying problem that making her like that. Some girls that have a religious or overly strict upbringing have it drummed into them that sex is dirty, and when adults, they have a hard time letting go because of this. I knew a girl once who was very similar, and it transpired that there was some dodgy incident with an uncle when she was young that had made her this way.

It might be a good idea to have a word with your GP and see if you can get referred to some sort of therapy, if you say she is worth it then its worth a shot. . .

If its just that she is game, but has bad technique, then why not get hold of a couple of Instructional DVDs and watch them together. . .

Best of luck mate, hope you can sort it out.

 

[adam]

thankyou so much for your replies so far, i'm glad i asked in dw cos i feel you're all taking the situation seriously and i appreciate your help.

satansoft: shes crap at sex full stop, but i'm cautious with deragotry remarks because i've been a bastard in the past with other girls and i dont want to make her feel bad

hackmax: NO i do not give her pleasure, well done for noticing. i would all day long if it were working for me but i guess you have highlighed a big problem. If you said pleasure her and i guarantee her c*nt will be perfect then of course i wouldnt stop. I think you may have highlighted a big issue that i was avoiding...

she has a big baggy vagina that has never been trained, we have tried to discuss this hence the pelvic floor excercises. dont get me wrong, if she could f*ck properly she would be perfect.

I LOVE HER AND WOULD LOVE IT IF WE COULD BECOME SEXUALLY COMPATIBLE.

All advice is greatfully received xxxx

 

[baggy69]

Just leave your computer on with this page on so she can 'accidently' read it, she might try harder.
Introduce a sex toy to the relationship.
Get some of the lovers guides and a bottle of vodka
Turn her over and go up the rung un
What ever you do make it fun, have a laugh about it and dont ever say my last girlfriend did this... they dont like that lol.

 

[zad]

thankyou so much for your replies so far, i'm glad i asked in dw cos i feel you're all taking the situation seriously and i appreciate your help.

satansoft: shes crap at sex full stop, but i'm cautious with deragotry remarks because i've been a bastard in the past with other girls and i dont want to make her feel bad

hackmax: NO i do not give her pleasure, well done for noticing. i would all day long if it were working for me but i guess you have highlighed a big problem. If you said pleasure her and i guarantee her c*nt will be perfect then of course i wouldnt stop. I think you may have highlighted a big issue that i was avoiding...

she has a big baggy vagina that has never been trained, we have tried to discuss this hence the pelvic floor excercises. dont get me wrong, if she could f*ck properly she would be perfect.

I LOVE HER AND WOULD LOVE IT IF WE COULD BECOME SEXUALLY COMPATIBLE.

All advice is greatfully received xxxx

Sounds to me like you are selfish "NO I don't give her pleasure" because it doesn't work for you.... I wouldn't **** you either....

"Big baggy vagina" could it not be you are small? and she gets no pleasure....

not having a go but you seem to be blaming her for it all?

Sex is not every thing my uncle left his wife for what he called his soul partner never had sex with her but was together for like 18 years till he died...

 

[chronoman]

Gotta admit i thought i was hearing a windup here.
If you really think you can blame her for all this you want to take a reality pill.
Have you asked her what she thinks of your performance?
If you never give her orgasm and top drawer sex how you expect her to perform!
d/l some Johnny Vaughn have a few drinks and suggest you copy the actions of the stars .

 

[Captin]

Maybe it's not her that's crap, maybe she just cant be bothered because it's your technique that is crap, or you are just too hung up on receiving your own pleasure that makes you a bad teacher.

Sex is only 1 small part of a loving relationship, and not an important one.

I've been celebrate for 6 years, and been with my wife for the last 13 years, we have a fantastic relationship and please each other in so many ways that sex is irrelevant. I've done my bit for procreation and fathered 5 kids by other partners none of which lasted longer than 5 years.

 

[HibbyDave]

Mmmm...you've got a dilemma here pal, basically your not getting enough of this :BUMMER:

and doing too much of this :SSEXY: and your getting a bit fed up of it.

I can understand this, what you need to do is sit your partner down in a calm non confrontational manner and explain that sex is an important part of a relationship, and as your not getting any if there is any reason for it, it might be something simple and easily fixed or it could be a case for counselling, and worse case scenario....ask yourself this, why you still getting milk delivered when you cancelled 3 years ago. roud:

Hope you resolve it soon mate.



:Cheers:

 

[DiamondGeezer]

Sounds like a case for Dear Deidre solves problems sent in by you | Photo Casebook, videos and advice from the World's No1 Agony Aunt| The Sun

Otherwise watch a bit of pron together roud: she may learn a few new tricks as well as yourself

or you could also both try a bit of that dodging in the woods stuff

 

[oneman]

Have you spoken about this openly with her, what was her response. I suggest finding an evening, after sprong has gone to bed and talking this out. Pick a neutral setting like the kitchen where there is no sexual pressure. I wouldn't talk about any comparison with previous partners. As others have said that every person is different.

As others have mentioned, maybe this is a two way thing, she is not putting any effort in because she is not being satisfied either. Is there stuff she wants to try but because of the sexual tension between you she does not trust you to talk about it.

How was your relationship before having the baby, was it the same, has it changed since then. No doubt she / both of you are a lot more tired then you used to be. Are you making enough time for sex, have enough foreplay, get into the mood or is it a case that you are trying to squeeze it in for 10 minutes before you both go to sleep.

Overall from my experiance I have mostly found sex to be an indication of how the relationship is going in general. And no, it does not have to actually involve sex to have a good relationship.

Good luck.

 

[v14]

wtf?

big baggy vagina? never been trained?


I started off reading this feeling a bit sorry for you but it's your poor girlfriend that needs sympathy.




I bet she's dead chuffed to have landed mr fookin perfect.


:SSEXY:

 

[digidude]

have you thought maybe she feels the same? she could be posting on a forum somewhere

'i love my other half, but on the rare occasion he tries to have sex with me its all over in 40 seconds, he has a tiny dick that dont touch the sides and he dont know what foreplay is, am i wasting my time with him?'

its a 2 way thing m8, and without talking to her about it, and trying new things, youll get nowhere

 

[MOAMB]

Turn her over and go up the rung un

I asked a girl once if she took it up the rung un and her reply was "is there a rung un?"

God i miss her.

@ Adam

Sounds like there are a good few issues here mate with her and yourself.

The one thing i would say is at least you are taking notice.

NO i do not give her pleasure. I think you may have highlighted a big issue that i was avoiding...

So now u need to sort it out before its to late and you need to sort all your problems out together, thats what a real relationship is about.

Once again good luck

 

[Baaheeduk]

I asked a girl once if she took it up the rung un and her reply was "is there a rung un?"

God i miss her.

pmsl @ MOAMB ^^

Adam, what age are you mate? (If you don't mind me asking?) You need to sit down and talk about it with her, its the only way! Even try a bit in the great outdoors, you never know that might light a spark? i.e The thought that she's being watched by others

 

[witchy]

I'm still not convinced this isn't a wind up.

Here's a tip I got from Mozr....

 

[Evastar]

What was the sex in your relationship like before she got pregnant?

Sex for women starts in their minds you know, we're not the same as men. And maybe she feels embarrassed about the changes to her body after giving birth, maybe she just doesn't feel sexy anymore. What do you do to show her affection other times, do you cuddle her, tell her she looks great, pay her attention etc to make her feel like a desirable woman, or do you basically ignore her physically unless you are looking for a shag?

She could also be uptight cos she is afraid the child is gonna wake up etc, a lot of mums with small children are like that.

Also i notice you expect oral, but you don't reciprocate, amazing how some blokes think like that!

If she has a real issue with muscle tone after giving birth there are a number of things that can be done. You can buy weights called vaginal cones Vaginal cones or she can ask her doctor to recommend her to a gynacologist who may advise her to have an operation if she has had a prolapse or suffers from stress incontinence. I don't know if the NHS would pay if its purely to tighten things up for your sexual pleasure, but there is an op for that, i think it's called Fenton's procedure. But the fact is if she has problems after giving birth you complaining about how it affects your sexual pleasure is really gonna make her feel even more embarrassed and worse about her body, its a vicious circle.

There is also an instructional film called 'The Joy of Sex' you will prob find a torrent somewhere.