BRIAN1956
DW Joke King
Three women were sitting around throwing back a few drinks and talking about their love lives.
One woman said, "I call my husband the dentist.
Nobody can drill like he does."
The second woman giggled and confessed,
"I call my husband the miner because of his incredible shaft."
The third woman quietly sipped her whiskey until her friend asked,
"Say, what do you call your husband?"
She frowned and said, "The postman."
"Why the postman?"
"Because he always delivers late, and half the time it's in the wrong box."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man calls the Animal Control in his town, because there is a crazed gorilla on his roof, and he can't figure out how to get it down safely.
Soon, a van pulls up, and an old man gets out, carrying a small dog, a baseball bat, and a gun. He hands the man the gun.
"Okay, here's what we do.
I'm going to go up onto your roof, and threaten the gorilla with this baseball bat until he falls down.
When he falls down, this little dog will bite him in the balls until he's incapacitated."
"Great," says the man.
"But what's the gun for?"
"In case I fall down instead of the gorilla – shoot the dog."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A female TV reporter arranged for an interview with a farmer, seeking the main cause of Mad Cow disease.
The Lady: "Good evening, sir. I am here to collect information on the possible source of Mad Cow Disease.
Can you offer any reason for this disease?"
The Farmer stared at the reporter and said: "Do you know that a bull mounts a cow only once a year?"
The lady reporter (obviously embarrassed):
"Well, sir, that's a new piece of information, but what's the relation between this phenomenon and Mad Cow disease?"
The Farmer: "And, madam, do you know that we milk a cow twice a day?"
The reporter: "Sir, this is really valuable information, but what about getting to the point?"
The Farmer: "I am getting to the point, madam.
Just imagine, if I was playing with your tits twice a day and only screwing you once a year,
Wouldn't you get mad?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A farmer ordered a high-tech milking machine.
Since the equipment arrived when his wife was out of town, he decided to test it on himself first.
So, he inserted his "manhood" into the equipment, turned on the switch and everything else was automatic.
Soon, he realized that the equipment provided him with much more pleasure than his wife did. When the fun was over, though, he quickly realized that he couldn't remove the instrument from his 'member'.
He read the manual but didn't find any useful information on how to disengage himself. He tried every button on the instrument, but still without success.
Finally, he decided to call the supplier's Customer Service Hot Line with his cell phone (Thank god for cell phones!).
"Hello, I just bought a milking machine from your company. It works fantastic, but how do I remove it from the cow's udder?"
"Don't worry," replied the customer service rep,
"The machine will release automatically once it's collected two gallons."
One woman said, "I call my husband the dentist.
Nobody can drill like he does."
The second woman giggled and confessed,
"I call my husband the miner because of his incredible shaft."
The third woman quietly sipped her whiskey until her friend asked,
"Say, what do you call your husband?"
She frowned and said, "The postman."
"Why the postman?"
"Because he always delivers late, and half the time it's in the wrong box."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man calls the Animal Control in his town, because there is a crazed gorilla on his roof, and he can't figure out how to get it down safely.
Soon, a van pulls up, and an old man gets out, carrying a small dog, a baseball bat, and a gun. He hands the man the gun.
"Okay, here's what we do.
I'm going to go up onto your roof, and threaten the gorilla with this baseball bat until he falls down.
When he falls down, this little dog will bite him in the balls until he's incapacitated."
"Great," says the man.
"But what's the gun for?"
"In case I fall down instead of the gorilla – shoot the dog."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A female TV reporter arranged for an interview with a farmer, seeking the main cause of Mad Cow disease.
The Lady: "Good evening, sir. I am here to collect information on the possible source of Mad Cow Disease.
Can you offer any reason for this disease?"
The Farmer stared at the reporter and said: "Do you know that a bull mounts a cow only once a year?"
The lady reporter (obviously embarrassed):
"Well, sir, that's a new piece of information, but what's the relation between this phenomenon and Mad Cow disease?"
The Farmer: "And, madam, do you know that we milk a cow twice a day?"
The reporter: "Sir, this is really valuable information, but what about getting to the point?"
The Farmer: "I am getting to the point, madam.
Just imagine, if I was playing with your tits twice a day and only screwing you once a year,
Wouldn't you get mad?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A farmer ordered a high-tech milking machine.
Since the equipment arrived when his wife was out of town, he decided to test it on himself first.
So, he inserted his "manhood" into the equipment, turned on the switch and everything else was automatic.
Soon, he realized that the equipment provided him with much more pleasure than his wife did. When the fun was over, though, he quickly realized that he couldn't remove the instrument from his 'member'.
He read the manual but didn't find any useful information on how to disengage himself. He tried every button on the instrument, but still without success.
Finally, he decided to call the supplier's Customer Service Hot Line with his cell phone (Thank god for cell phones!).
"Hello, I just bought a milking machine from your company. It works fantastic, but how do I remove it from the cow's udder?"
"Don't worry," replied the customer service rep,
"The machine will release automatically once it's collected two gallons."
