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Quickies

BRIAN1956

DW Joke King
Joined
Oct 3, 2007
Messages
76
Likes
17
#1
I don't know how many of you shop at Cesco's, but this may be useful to know. I am posting this to you to warn you of something that happened to me, as I have become a victim of a clever scam while out shopping. This happened to me at Pick& Pay in Northgate and it could happen to you.

Here's how the scam works:
Two good-looking 18-year-old girls come over to your car as you are packing your shopping in the boot. They both start wiping your windscreen with a rag and Windolene, with their breasts almost falling out of their skimpy t-shirts. It will be impossible not to look. When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say 'No' and instead ask you for a ride to another Pick & Pay.


You agree and they get in the back seat.


On the way, they start having sex with each other. Then one of them climbs over into the front seat and performs oral sex on you, while the other one steals your wallet.


I had my wallet stolen last Tuesday, Wednesday, twice on Thursday, again on Saturday, and also yesterday & no doubt tomorrow afternoon again...

Be careful out there.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

David Beckham goes shopping, and sees something interesting in the Kitchen department of a large department store. "What's that?" he asks. "A Thermos flask," replies the assistant. "What does it do?" asks Becks. The assistant tells him it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold.

Really impressed, Beckham buys one and takes it along to his next training session. "Here, boys, look at this," Beckham says proudly. "It's a Thermos flask." The lads are impressed. "What does it do?" they ask. "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold," says David. "And what have you got in it?" ask the lads. "Two cups of coffee and a Choc ice," replies David.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The girlfriend sent me this today

A large hospital recently hired several cannibals as it couldn't find enough British staff. "You are all part of our team now", said the HR manager during the welcoming briefing. "You get all the usual benefits and you can go to the canteen on the Ground Floor for something to eat, but please don't eat any of our other employees".

The cannibals promised they would not. Four weeks later their boss remarked, "You're all working very hard and I'm satisfied with your work. However, one of our secretaries has disappeared. Do any of you know what happened to her?"

The cannibals all shook their heads "No".

After the boss had left, the leader of the cannibals said to the others, "Which one of you idiots ate the secretary ?"

A hand rose hesitantly.

You fool!" the leader continued. "For four weeks we've been eating managers and no one noticed anything. But, NOOOooo, you had to go and eat someone who actually does something."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?


2. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?


3. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?


4. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?


5. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?


6. When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts," and you put your two pence in, what happens to the other penny?


7. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?


8. Why do croutons come in airtight packages? It's just stale bread to begin with.


9. When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?


10. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a race car not called a racist?!


11. Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?


12. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety-one?


13. "I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?


14. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?


15. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?


16. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?


17. What hair color do they put on the passports of bald men?


18. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks! So I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks!


19. If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?


20. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.


21. No one ever says, "It's only a game," when their team is winning.


22. Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?
 

IANB

VIP Member
VIP Member
Premium Member
Joined
Feb 26, 2002
Messages
12,870
Likes
232
#2
Like the last ones m8.
one to add.
Why is a building called a building. Shouldnt it be called a built?