BRIAN1956
DW Joke King
Two dyslexic bankrobbers walk into a bank shouting:
"Air in the hands motherstickers, this is a f*ckup!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man went to visit his doctor. "Doc, my arm hurts bad. Can you check it out please?" the man pleads.
The doctor rolls up the man's sleeve and suddenly hears the arm talk.
"Hello, Doctor says the arm. "Could you lend me twenty bucks please? I'm desperate!"
"Aha!'' says the doctor.
''I see the problem. Your arm is broke!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.
"Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer; she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor.'"
A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's
the teacher. She's dead.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two of our hens have stopped laying," said the farmer to his wife.
"How do you know?" she asked.
"'Cause I just ran over them with the tractor!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A woman went to a psychiatrist because she was having severe problems with her sex life. The psychiatrist asked her many questions but did not seem to be getting a clear picture of her problems.
Finally he asked, "Do you ever watch your husband's face while you are having sex?"
"Well, yes, I did once."
"And how did he look?"
"Very angry."
At this point the psychiatrist felt that he was really getting somewhere and he said, "Well that's very interesting, we must look into this further. Now tell me, you say that you have only seen your husband's face once during sex; that seems somewhat unusual. How did it occur that you saw his face that one time?"
"He was looking through the window at us."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Beer Study
Sad news about beer. You have to hope that this study
is flawed, but the evidence seems irrefutable.
Yesterday, scientists suggested that the results of a
recent analysis revealed the presence of female
hormones in beer, and suggested that men should take a
look at their beer consumption. The theory is that
drinking beer makes men turn into women.
To test the theory, 100 men were each fed 6 pints of
beer within a one-hour period. It was then observed
that 100% of the men:
a.. Gained weight
b.. Talked excessively without making sense
c.. Became overly emotional
d.. Couldn't drive
e.. Failed to think rationally
f.. Argued over nothing
g.. Had to sit down while urinating
h.. Showed no interest in sex
i.. Refused to apologize when wrong
No further testing is planned.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Pirate walks into a bar. The bartender says “Hey you’ve got a steering wheel in your crotch.” The pirate says “Arrrr it’s driving me nuts.”
"Air in the hands motherstickers, this is a f*ckup!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man went to visit his doctor. "Doc, my arm hurts bad. Can you check it out please?" the man pleads.
The doctor rolls up the man's sleeve and suddenly hears the arm talk.
"Hello, Doctor says the arm. "Could you lend me twenty bucks please? I'm desperate!"
"Aha!'' says the doctor.
''I see the problem. Your arm is broke!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.
"Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer; she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor.'"
A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's
the teacher. She's dead.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two of our hens have stopped laying," said the farmer to his wife.
"How do you know?" she asked.
"'Cause I just ran over them with the tractor!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A woman went to a psychiatrist because she was having severe problems with her sex life. The psychiatrist asked her many questions but did not seem to be getting a clear picture of her problems.
Finally he asked, "Do you ever watch your husband's face while you are having sex?"
"Well, yes, I did once."
"And how did he look?"
"Very angry."
At this point the psychiatrist felt that he was really getting somewhere and he said, "Well that's very interesting, we must look into this further. Now tell me, you say that you have only seen your husband's face once during sex; that seems somewhat unusual. How did it occur that you saw his face that one time?"
"He was looking through the window at us."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Beer Study
Sad news about beer. You have to hope that this study
is flawed, but the evidence seems irrefutable.
Yesterday, scientists suggested that the results of a
recent analysis revealed the presence of female
hormones in beer, and suggested that men should take a
look at their beer consumption. The theory is that
drinking beer makes men turn into women.
To test the theory, 100 men were each fed 6 pints of
beer within a one-hour period. It was then observed
that 100% of the men:
a.. Gained weight
b.. Talked excessively without making sense
c.. Became overly emotional
d.. Couldn't drive
e.. Failed to think rationally
f.. Argued over nothing
g.. Had to sit down while urinating
h.. Showed no interest in sex
i.. Refused to apologize when wrong
No further testing is planned.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Pirate walks into a bar. The bartender says “Hey you’ve got a steering wheel in your crotch.” The pirate says “Arrrr it’s driving me nuts.”
