BRIAN1956
DW Joke King
An attorney arrived home late, after a very tough day trying to get a stay of execution for a client who was due to be hanged for murder at midnight.
His last minute plea for clemency to the governor had failed and he was feeling worn out and depressed.
As soon as he walked through the door at home, his wife started on him,
'What time of night to be getting home is this?
Where have you been?'
'Dinner is cold and I'm not reheating it'.
And on and on and on.
Too shattered to play his usual role in this familiar ritual, he went and poured himself a shot of whiskey and headed off for a long hot soak in the bath tub.
Pursued by the predictable sarcastic remarks as he dragged himself up the stairs.
While he was in the bath, the phone rang.
The wife answered and was told that her husband's client,
James Wright had been granted a stay of execution after all.
Wright would not be hanged tonight.
Finally realizing what a terrible day he must have had, she decided to go upstairs give him the good news and apologies.
As she opened the bathroom door, she was greeted by the sight of her husband, bent over naked, drying his legs and feet.
'They're not hanging Wright tonight,' she said.
To which he whirled around and screamed,
'FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, WOMAN - DON'T YOU EVER STOP?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
After a few days, the Lord called to Adam and said,
"It is time for you and Eve to begin the process of populating the earth so I want you to kiss her."
Adam answered, "Yes Lord, but what is a kiss?"
So the Lord gave a brief description to Adam who took Eve by the hand and took her to a nearby bush.
A few minutes later, Adam emerged and said,
"Thank you Lord, that was enjoyable."
And the Lord replied, "Yes Adam, I thought you might enjoy that and now I'd like you to caress Eve."
And Adam said, "What is a caress'?
So the Lord again gave Adam a brief description and Adam went behind the bush with Eve.
Quite a few minutes later, Adam returned, smiling, and said,
"Lord that was even better than the kiss."
And the Lord said, "You've done well, Adam.
And now I want you to make love to Eve."
And Adam asked, "What is 'make love' Lord?"'
So the Lord again gave Adam directions and Adam went again to Eve behind the bush, but this time he reappeared in two seconds.
And Adam said, "Lord, what is a headache?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two blokes are introduced at a dyslexic meeting,
one says to the other
"Pleased to meet you,
what do you do for a living"
"I'm a comedian" he responds
After thinking for a short while the first says..............
Go on then.........change Colour!
++++++++++++++++++++++++++
The second guy says "I'm a tobogganist."
First chap says "Oh great, I'll have 20 Benson and Hedges!"
++++++++++++++++++++++++++
The third one says "I know what DNA stands for.
National Dyslexic Association"
++++++++++++++++++++++++++
The first guy say.... It’s windy today..... The second guy says.. no it's not it's Thursday..... the first guy replies so am I let’s have a cup of tea!
++++++++++++++++++++++++++
At the end of the Night they all go to bed.
But the Insomniac, Agnostic, Dyslexics, lay awake all night wondering if there is a dog or not
++++++++++++++++++++++++++
and the dyslexic hell's angel who sold his soul to Santa
++++++++++++++++++++++++++
or the dyslexic pimp who bought himself a warehouse...
++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Sing along with me....
"Old McDonald had a farm, EIGPQ"
++++++++++++++++++++++++++
The Dyslexic who went to a TOGA party dressed as a GOAT.............
++++++++++++++++++++++++++
KO works for me
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A shy man was preparing to board a plane when he heard that the Pope was on the same flight.
"This is exciting," thought the man.
"I've always been a big fan of the Pope.
Perhaps Ill be able to see him in person."
Imagine his surprise when the Pope sat down in the seat next to him for the flight.
Still, the man was too shy to speak to the Pontiff.
Shortly after take-off, the Pope began a crossword puzzle.
"This is fantastic," thought the man.
"I'm really good at crosswords.
Perhaps, if the Pope gets stuck, he’ll ask me for assistance."
Almost immediately, the Pope turned to the man and said,
"Excuse me, but do you know a four letter word referring to a woman that ends with the letters 'u-n-t?'"
Only one word leaps to mind...
"My goodness," thought the man,
"I can't tell the Pope that.
There must be another word."
The man thought for quite a while, and then it hit him.
Turning to the pope, the man said,
"I think the word you're looking for is 'aunt'."
"Of course," said the Pope.
"Do you have an eraser?"
His last minute plea for clemency to the governor had failed and he was feeling worn out and depressed.
As soon as he walked through the door at home, his wife started on him,
'What time of night to be getting home is this?
Where have you been?'
'Dinner is cold and I'm not reheating it'.
And on and on and on.
Too shattered to play his usual role in this familiar ritual, he went and poured himself a shot of whiskey and headed off for a long hot soak in the bath tub.
Pursued by the predictable sarcastic remarks as he dragged himself up the stairs.
While he was in the bath, the phone rang.
The wife answered and was told that her husband's client,
James Wright had been granted a stay of execution after all.
Wright would not be hanged tonight.
Finally realizing what a terrible day he must have had, she decided to go upstairs give him the good news and apologies.
As she opened the bathroom door, she was greeted by the sight of her husband, bent over naked, drying his legs and feet.
'They're not hanging Wright tonight,' she said.
To which he whirled around and screamed,
'FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, WOMAN - DON'T YOU EVER STOP?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
After a few days, the Lord called to Adam and said,
"It is time for you and Eve to begin the process of populating the earth so I want you to kiss her."
Adam answered, "Yes Lord, but what is a kiss?"
So the Lord gave a brief description to Adam who took Eve by the hand and took her to a nearby bush.
A few minutes later, Adam emerged and said,
"Thank you Lord, that was enjoyable."
And the Lord replied, "Yes Adam, I thought you might enjoy that and now I'd like you to caress Eve."
And Adam said, "What is a caress'?
So the Lord again gave Adam a brief description and Adam went behind the bush with Eve.
Quite a few minutes later, Adam returned, smiling, and said,
"Lord that was even better than the kiss."
And the Lord said, "You've done well, Adam.
And now I want you to make love to Eve."
And Adam asked, "What is 'make love' Lord?"'
So the Lord again gave Adam directions and Adam went again to Eve behind the bush, but this time he reappeared in two seconds.
And Adam said, "Lord, what is a headache?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two blokes are introduced at a dyslexic meeting,
one says to the other
"Pleased to meet you,
what do you do for a living"
"I'm a comedian" he responds
After thinking for a short while the first says..............
Go on then.........change Colour!
++++++++++++++++++++++++++
The second guy says "I'm a tobogganist."
First chap says "Oh great, I'll have 20 Benson and Hedges!"
++++++++++++++++++++++++++
The third one says "I know what DNA stands for.
National Dyslexic Association"
++++++++++++++++++++++++++
The first guy say.... It’s windy today..... The second guy says.. no it's not it's Thursday..... the first guy replies so am I let’s have a cup of tea!
++++++++++++++++++++++++++
At the end of the Night they all go to bed.
But the Insomniac, Agnostic, Dyslexics, lay awake all night wondering if there is a dog or not
++++++++++++++++++++++++++
and the dyslexic hell's angel who sold his soul to Santa
++++++++++++++++++++++++++
or the dyslexic pimp who bought himself a warehouse...
++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Sing along with me....
"Old McDonald had a farm, EIGPQ"
++++++++++++++++++++++++++
The Dyslexic who went to a TOGA party dressed as a GOAT.............
++++++++++++++++++++++++++
KO works for me
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A shy man was preparing to board a plane when he heard that the Pope was on the same flight.
"This is exciting," thought the man.
"I've always been a big fan of the Pope.
Perhaps Ill be able to see him in person."
Imagine his surprise when the Pope sat down in the seat next to him for the flight.
Still, the man was too shy to speak to the Pontiff.
Shortly after take-off, the Pope began a crossword puzzle.
"This is fantastic," thought the man.
"I'm really good at crosswords.
Perhaps, if the Pope gets stuck, he’ll ask me for assistance."
Almost immediately, the Pope turned to the man and said,
"Excuse me, but do you know a four letter word referring to a woman that ends with the letters 'u-n-t?'"
Only one word leaps to mind...
"My goodness," thought the man,
"I can't tell the Pope that.
There must be another word."
The man thought for quite a while, and then it hit him.
Turning to the pope, the man said,
"I think the word you're looking for is 'aunt'."
"Of course," said the Pope.
"Do you have an eraser?"
