BRIAN1956
DW Joke King
A mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the motor of a Harley, when he spotted a world-famous heart surgeon in his shop. The heart surgeon was waiting for the service manager to come take a look at his bike. The mechanic shouted across the garage, "Hey Doc can I ask you a question?"
The famous surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic working on the motorcycle.
The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, "So Doc, look at this engine. I also can open hearts, take valves out, fix'em, put in new parts and when I finish this will work just like a new one. So how come I get a pittance and you get the really big money, when you and I are doing basically the same work?"
The surgeon paused, smiled and leaned over, and whispered to the mechanic..... "Try doing it with the engine running.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man goes to the doctors and says, "Doctor, I've got this problem, only you've got to promise not to laugh."
The doctor replies, "Of course I won't laugh, that would be thoroughly unprofessional. In over 20 years of being a doctor I've never laughed at a patient."
"OK then," says the man, and he drops his trousers. The doctor is greeted by the sight of the tiniest penis he has ever seen in his life. Unable to control himself, he falls about laughing on the floor. Ten minutes later he is able to struggle up to his feet and wipe the tears from his eyes.
"I'm so sorry," he says to the patient, "I don't know what came over me, I won't let it happen again. Now what seems to be the problem?"
The man looks up at the doctor sadly and says, "It's swollen."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A woman starts dating a doctor. Before too long she becomes pregnant and
they don't know what to do.
About nine months later, just about the time she is going to give birth, a priest goes into the hospital for a prostate gland infection.
The doctor says to the woman, "I know what we'll do.
After I've operated on the priest, I'll give the baby to him and tell him it was a miracle."
"Do you think it will work?" she asks the doctor.
"It's worth a try," he says.
So the doctor delivers the baby and then operates on the priest.
After the operation he goes in to the priest and says,
"Father, you're not going to believe this."
"What?" says the priest.
"What happened?"
"You gave birth to a child."
"But that's impossible!"
"I just did the operation,"insists the doctor.
"It's a miracle! Here's your baby."
About fifteen years go by, and the priest realizes that he must tell his son the truth.
One day he sits the boy down and says, "Son, I have something to tell you.
I'm not your father."
The son says,
"What do you mean, you're not my
father?"
The priest replies,
"I'm your mother.
The archbishop is your father."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Due to his owner's negligence, a dog became lost in the deepest jungles of Africa.
Wandering around, the poor dog notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.
Just then, the dog noticed some bones laying on the ground close by.
The dog immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching leopard.
Just as the jungle cat is about to leap, the dog loudly says,
"My, that was one delicious leopard!
I wonder if there are any more around here?"
Hearing this, the leopard slinks away.
"That was too close," thought the leopard, "that dog nearly had me."
Meanwhile, a mischievous monkey had observed the entire scene, and decided to cause trouble for the dog, while getting on the good side of the leopard as well.
The monkey dashed off after the leopard, to tell him what truly happened.
The dog saw the monkey dash off, and suspiciously tailed him from behind.
He overhears the monkey spilling the beans, and quickly decides on a course of action, racing back to the pile of bones.
At the same time, the leopard has decided to take care of the dog once and for all.
The monkey hops on the leopard's back, to watch the demise of the doomed dog.
As the leopard approaches, he can hear the dog talking to himself:
"Where's that lazy monkey? I sent him off half an hour ago for another leopard, and he's still not back!"
The famous surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic working on the motorcycle.
The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, "So Doc, look at this engine. I also can open hearts, take valves out, fix'em, put in new parts and when I finish this will work just like a new one. So how come I get a pittance and you get the really big money, when you and I are doing basically the same work?"
The surgeon paused, smiled and leaned over, and whispered to the mechanic..... "Try doing it with the engine running.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man goes to the doctors and says, "Doctor, I've got this problem, only you've got to promise not to laugh."
The doctor replies, "Of course I won't laugh, that would be thoroughly unprofessional. In over 20 years of being a doctor I've never laughed at a patient."
"OK then," says the man, and he drops his trousers. The doctor is greeted by the sight of the tiniest penis he has ever seen in his life. Unable to control himself, he falls about laughing on the floor. Ten minutes later he is able to struggle up to his feet and wipe the tears from his eyes.
"I'm so sorry," he says to the patient, "I don't know what came over me, I won't let it happen again. Now what seems to be the problem?"
The man looks up at the doctor sadly and says, "It's swollen."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A woman starts dating a doctor. Before too long she becomes pregnant and
they don't know what to do.
About nine months later, just about the time she is going to give birth, a priest goes into the hospital for a prostate gland infection.
The doctor says to the woman, "I know what we'll do.
After I've operated on the priest, I'll give the baby to him and tell him it was a miracle."
"Do you think it will work?" she asks the doctor.
"It's worth a try," he says.
So the doctor delivers the baby and then operates on the priest.
After the operation he goes in to the priest and says,
"Father, you're not going to believe this."
"What?" says the priest.
"What happened?"
"You gave birth to a child."
"But that's impossible!"
"I just did the operation,"insists the doctor.
"It's a miracle! Here's your baby."
About fifteen years go by, and the priest realizes that he must tell his son the truth.
One day he sits the boy down and says, "Son, I have something to tell you.
I'm not your father."
The son says,
"What do you mean, you're not my
father?"
The priest replies,
"I'm your mother.
The archbishop is your father."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Due to his owner's negligence, a dog became lost in the deepest jungles of Africa.
Wandering around, the poor dog notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.
Just then, the dog noticed some bones laying on the ground close by.
The dog immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching leopard.
Just as the jungle cat is about to leap, the dog loudly says,
"My, that was one delicious leopard!
I wonder if there are any more around here?"
Hearing this, the leopard slinks away.
"That was too close," thought the leopard, "that dog nearly had me."
Meanwhile, a mischievous monkey had observed the entire scene, and decided to cause trouble for the dog, while getting on the good side of the leopard as well.
The monkey dashed off after the leopard, to tell him what truly happened.
The dog saw the monkey dash off, and suspiciously tailed him from behind.
He overhears the monkey spilling the beans, and quickly decides on a course of action, racing back to the pile of bones.
At the same time, the leopard has decided to take care of the dog once and for all.
The monkey hops on the leopard's back, to watch the demise of the doomed dog.
As the leopard approaches, he can hear the dog talking to himself:
"Where's that lazy monkey? I sent him off half an hour ago for another leopard, and he's still not back!"
